Looked at the NHS criteria for tests. Feeling gutted.

[Hannahbally]

I just looked up the criteria for fertility testing on the NHS where I am and now I feel a bit hopeless. You have to be 42 or under and we are both almost 45. And you have to have a bmi under 30 which neither of us are so that rules out testing for us. There's no way we can afford private. Looks like just accepting that it probably won't happen. For info I haven't used contraception since 2008 and have one fallopian tube. We've been together for 3 years and nothing. I'm so gutted.

@WithACatLikeTread

No they're clearly one of those stalker people who've looked up the OP's old posts. There's a few around on mumsnet atm and they creep me out

Haven't they got anything better to do?

'we talked about it and would really like one of our own'. I understood that as 'We have DC from previous relationships).

OP I would have said this can't be a surprise to you. But I think the general population's understanding of fertility is limited, not helped by a constant stream of celebrity mothers in their late 40's ( likely many of whom have had " help").

Well that was rude, and incorrect.

Fertility testing is for when everything should be functioning perfectly. No one would expect that you’d conceive easily when you’re both overweight and nearly 45 and there’s a good reason for that. As a pregnant mother you’d be at more risk of complications and as a child you’d be more at risk of SEND. No one in their early 20’s deserves to have parents that are pushing 70 what with the likelihood of a decline in health that comes with being that age.

May not be suitable for ivf but could get sperm test and medication to help with ovulation from gynae - also lifestyle changes helpful

My friends BMI is too high for the NHS tests and she said she still has to lose a lot of weight and get to a certain BMI before receiving private treatment too.

You can get blood tests and scans done with online companies but I’m not sure if they give you much analysis.

Hertility health are very good
And highly recommended

Good way to check amh and have other stuff looked at

Ooh snide comment! Lol! Not at all. OP said 'We decided we would quite like one of our own,' which I thought implied they already had DC with other people otherwise why say 'one of our own'.

'Get back in the knife drawer'- to quote a well-known play. 😂

Any treatments available to you, such as donor embryos will have a higher chance of working if you are not obese- I would honestly focus on that as a priority, it's the only thing you can control. It will also make you feel better.

I would also think about talking to someone about acceptance, allowing you to focus on all the great things you have with your partner instead of letting the thing you can't have dominate your thoughts.

I’m (just) 44….Just because you have all the tests means nothing. I’ve had all the tests going on the NHS and at the end of the day the diagnosis is age related decline in fertility. My BMI is in normal ranges and I’ve had two kids previously in my twenties, but have been TTC for two years with no results despite the fact I ovulate every month, scans show everything is all ok and AMH is ok. DP sperm is actually exceptional according to the specialist

our only option now is egg donor ivf privately

You are both considered old parents and have kids already. It's ludicrous to expect the nhs to provide for everyone with no cut off especially when there are children who can't get cancer treatments because of funding

They don't have kids already.

The poster does

She has one adult son so no actual children and none together.

NHS criteria reflect the simple fact that female fertility has dropped considerably by 45.

Women need to realise that if they want NHS help to conceive they need to be asking for referrals well before they 40 and preferably years earlier than this. For many couples circumstances mean they won't have been able to do this.

The fact that private providers will sell you tests and hope doesn't change the fact that the chance of conceiving at 45 is going to be very small. And if it happens, has a much higher chance of abnormalities.

If testing and ivf are out of the question, I'd focus on getting healthy. I read 'it starts with the egg' when I was trying to get pregnant in my late 30s it was really informative and gives you lots of tips about egg health and when to try for conception. Might give you some things to focus on while you're getting healthy

An adult son isn't a child? Wtf?

No an adult is an adult hth

Yes my daughter is an adult but she's still my child 🙄

A child doesn't have to be young. A child can be 55. Or 5. Or 5 months. They are still someone's child. Ffs

OP, I think you need to accept that the ship has sailed for having a child in this relationship. At 45, your chances of conceiving are very minimal and if by some miracle you did conceive, miscarriage rates are very high at that age. Someone uptrend suggested fostering, which could be rewarding and you might enjoy.