We have enjoyed jizzidents and jizznamis. We are fans of having a rummage and we are getting all the baby juice we can to keep the bfp boom going. Join us in JS 59!!!

[ScottishLady7]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like 'something' = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 58 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2563504-You-are-not-a-robot-and-the-ovary-whisperers-chanting-for-you-in-the-viroid-commune-with-our-carved-cock-relics-dont-panic-about-the-acid-foof-Its-JS-58" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2564387-Weve-had-birthday-twins-and-therell-be-real-twins-come-the-summer-mini-eggs-and-GTTs-abound-on-the-JSgrads-45th-fred" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2541376-Our-babies-are-teething-screaming-and-generally-not-sleeping-but-were-still-JS-ing-its-Just-Mumming-10" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Ah, that's crap Canters. I'm down to be working a short shift tomorrow - I'm not, I'm on holiday. I'm presuming it's a typo, given I requested the whole week off and was told it was fine, and also it's a BH. But you never know...

Congrats on the weight loss Cori.

Welcome Gundog.

Kwick, I'm still on both Fred too. Most grads lurk here for a bit :)

Welcome gundog!
Very jealous of your black lab- our 16 yr old black lab was put down a couple of months ago- she was amazing!

DH is off to the docs today to see if we can get preliminary tests done- all probably fine but a couple of things are making me twitchy and we'd both like to know for sure that everything is fine and it'll just take time.
I can't go as I'm now on-call annoyingly because I am a control freak so DH has been trained as to what to say... Fingers crossed!

Hi Scottish so sorry to hear about your old girl, that must have been heartbreaking My girl is 15 and slowing down but such a character still.

How long have you been trying? I had 21 (25 in my case due to irregular AF)) bloods done yesterday and DH went to the doctor to talk about having SA. He was worried that he would be examined, and I said I bet him an extra easter egg it would just be a (clothes on) conversation... I had to buy him an egg on my way home!! He was not amused!!

Oh dear, DH hasn't asked about whether he'll be examined and I haven't suggested it to him- he might be in for a surprise
I won't tell him- I'll be at work and I'll feign ignorance!

This is our sixth cycle which is early days but there are a couple of things in our medical histories that concern me a bit. We meet the criteria in the local guidelines suggesting "early referral" to the fc and we're not asking for that yet, just basic tests so hopefully it will all be fine!

Old dogs are my fave- I love when they get their grey beards!! I didn't like the breath on ours for the last few years though... Cons of elderly labs!

I think having tests if just to reassure yourself that all's well (and I'm sure it will be) is a good idea. The more relaxed and positive your frame of mind the better, it's easy to let yourself get stressed about TTC and that can't help one bit. Hope your DH's appointment goes well.

Yes yes re old lady Labrador breath... I just hold my breath when I cuddle her now

Gundog your dog sounds lovely.

Kwick I am lurking as well.

Oh viroids...I am poorly sick.
I need all of the and

I think I'm dying. You can die from a sore throat, cough and painful abdomen right?

DP's friends have just had hand, foot & mouth so now I'm imagining that's what I have definitely not just a cold. No. Definitely not.

I can never joke about manflu in my house as I'm the one that suffers from it, not DP.

scottish and gundog - we are in the process of getting preliminary tests done too. I had my day 3 bloods today, and will get the day 21 bloods done next month. DH has a little pot to jizz in, but it's all a bit complicated cos they only analyse sperm on Tues and Thurs at particular times, and you have to phone up for an appt. He is not very impressed. Think he will get it done when I am in the next twot. Like you, I just want reassurance that nothing is wrong - been ttc for 10 months now. Been told we wouldn't qualify for treatment as we have a daughter, but I think we can still get investigations done.

Thanks for your kind words Frankie. Feeing a bit better after some lovely yoga this morning and a bit of online retail therapy this afternoon (curled up on the sofa with my darling cat). Plus we are having mac n cheese and chocolate brownie cake tonight - I figure it's the one day I can get away with a double whammy of unhealthy comfort food! Also got the long weekend to look forward to

What's everyone up to for the Easter weekend?

Name sorry AF is such a bitch, have all the retail therapy, & you need.

Stumbly hope you've someone looking after you & you're feeling a bit better soon

No more cramps today (do far). Not feeling as low as yesterday, but boy am I irritable, and spotty, and eating all the chocolate & junk food in sight so much I've actually given myself a poorly tummy I know doing a spot of yoga would prob be the ticket right now, but I think I'd much rather be miserable moan about everything.

corgi please don't be offended but It is all still a bit new for me (as in I am still in shock and keep on thinking I am still in 2WW) so I may take some time to come on to the grads - but thanks for the invite.

Very sorry london

namechange loving your PMA! Sorry about af

cori you are amazeballs with SW!!!! I hope to get back on wagon next week.

canters what are you like! Are you still going away?

gundog do you have any blood left after 21 bloods? What are they testing for?

namechange another yogini!!! What type of yoga do you do? I am only doing really gentle stuff like yin at the moment but hopefully can get into something more once pass by dangerzone.

stumbly I have lurgy too! I came back from work early and will most likely spend tomorrow in jimjams... Cannot take usual drugs...!

On Saturday I have another blood test to check progesterone levels... Really hope I have better levels so can stop cyclogest - I have beautiful choice of putting up fanjo or other place.... Niether rings my bell.... Would honestly prefer another injection! 💉

On Sunday I am cooking my signature vegetarian dish for my family: macaroni cheese, spinach, mushrooms and roasted tomatoes - this by special request.

On Monday we were going to go to Broadstairs but will depend on weather.

Sorry I've been Fred-absent recently. Suffering through AF and another-failed-cycle-emotions. I'm really struggling with the whole 'I should be content with what I've got', 'I've already got DS, I'm being greedy to want more', 'BFPs aren't a finite number, if someone else gets one it doesn't mean there's any less chance I will' thoughts. Recently a few of my friend have got pregnant without even trying and it's just not fair!! I'm feeling very sorry for myself sorry, rant over.

Anyway...
Huge congrats Kwick And I'm glad I wasn't the only one refreshing the page to see your news!
Welcome gundog or do you prefer Frankie ?

and to all those who need it. Let's get our capes on and be good JSers
I've been given some opks, when do I use them? I don't have the instructions, just 3 sticks

So I'm not sure whether DH had his bits manhandled by someone other than me because he was in the supermarket when I called from an update from the docs.
He has said that the GP only wants to test him which has made me feel guilty for suggesting going but DH was keen to go to. The docs think that the 14yr age gap means we should look at him first then me down the line if we're not getting anywhere. Seems reasonable but my hypochondriasis meant I was hoping to get checked too!

With a bit of luck it won't matter and I'll fall preggers with a whole loada babies before long...

Thank you angel and Kwick
I didn't feel like doing yoga either but it did help. Luckily it was a nice gentle session which was exactly what I needed! To answer your question Kwick, I like Hatha. My ideal is reasonably gentle but not TOO slow, I like some flow and dynamic postures as well (my fave is warrior) but with breathing space in between! It all depends on the teacher of course and IME the right teacher is hard to find.

Another Sorry you've also been struggling. to you too.

anotherrubberduck hang in there my lovely! You are not greedy or anything of the kind. Remember: you are in perfect timing.
I started with OPKs around day 10 but I normally iced around day 15.

Come to think of it I have a whole load of OPKs - viroids feel free to drop me a PM if you would like me to send them to you. (I am very superticious so only able to share these as you do not use on IVF)

Kwick come over when you're ready. Don't worry about being on two threads. I'm mooching between 3 js Fred's at the moment

Kwick I'm absolutely delighted for you!!!!

I'm not ready to graduate either. Not until after my scan next week and I see a little one. Had a scary weekend resulting in a scan, there's a yolk sac in Thr right place. Now if these cramps would fuck off I'd be much happier..... It's normal but christ Pant watch goes into overdrive

Broadstairs hey kwick?! ...you'll be in my neck of the woods then - we used to live in BS, but moved a little closer to the big smoke now :) ...I wouldn't hold your breath re the weather!!

Happy Easter all

Glad to hear your sac in the right place sausage and hope you get good news at your next scan.

Glad to hear the scan went well sausage...do the cramps ever go away? I thought they carry on as your uterus continues to stretch but then I haven't actually been pregnant beyond 8 weeks so don't take my word for it!

Well I finished my period yesterday and have EWCM today...which is consistent with thinking I ovulate quite early.

Can't tell anything by my temps though as they are raised due to being on my deathbed the lurgy. I got up to 37.05 yesterday which is quite high for me though I realise it doesn't count as a high temp per se but I'm still taking that as a high temp as I'm a hypochondriac.

sausage I'm still cramping like a mofo and am apparently 8+4 today.... I wish they would go away too but then I worry when they do because they're my only symptom haha! apart from this horrendous constipation...

I'm about to get my cape on even though I have lurgy so I can get me some jizz before I go to my parentals for the weekend.

With the redundancy and lurgy I cannot wait to be looked after by my mummy for two days!

Another sorry the witch got you & you're feeling shit. Don't beat yourself about it, it's easy to say you should think rationally, but much much harder to do

Stumbly that's commitment indeed it actual took me 4 attempts to spell commitment

All you lovely early pg vidoids, everything is crossed that things are going smoothly, & for lots sticky beans.

NFMV: CD27, the witch due today/tomorrow. Have a frer in the house, such a temptation to poas right now, struggling to resist the urge