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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

just had 1st lot of swabs done, it feels like i've admitted failure!

27 replies

merrylissiemas · 08/12/2006 10:23

it took us 6 years ttc with ds, had awful pg with bleeding, cramps, discharge, pre-eclampsia and an ec/s. afterwards i was in and out of hospital for 3 months and have had 3 consecutive mc's at between 5-9 weeks. with ds they found group b strep in my uterus and now docs are doing tests. i had my first lot of high swabs today and bloods next week. but it feels like i've given up and admitted failure. am i weird?

OP posts:
RudolphsREADY · 08/12/2006 11:38

All the best with your tests. you are not admitting failure, there is nothing wrong with getting a little assistance in your plight! Doesn't mean you have failed, just that you might need a leg up (for want of a better phrase!)

Mumpbump · 08/12/2006 12:00

I agree with RR. With so much medical technology around these days, there is nothing wrong with getting a bit of help to make sure that you have the best chance of another successful pg. As you know, I've just had my 2nd m/c and if we have another one, I will be hotfooting it to the doctor's pdq! Hope the swabs weren't too bad...

Original poster
merrylissiemas · 08/12/2006 12:12

they were just uncomfortable and now i've got backache and tummy pains. feeling very low tho. gp has advised me to wait til tests get back before ttc and feel like i can't get such a natural process right.

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Mumpbump · 08/12/2006 12:18

Well, it might be a natural process, but I don't think it's an easy one. It's difficult for some people to conceive, difficult for some to carry and difficult for some to deliver safely... If it weren't for medical intervention, I suspect the mortality rate would be quite high. So don't give yourself a hard time; yes, there are lots of lucky people who have no problems, but the size of some of the threads on this website just proves that it is far from an easy process. {{{big hug}}}

Original poster
merrylissiemas · 08/12/2006 12:24

i know i feel like i'm being so ungrateful, i have ds, he's healthy, he was a healthy 9lb2 at birth. this is just knocking me around more than i thought.
how are you doing at the mo?

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Mumpbump · 08/12/2006 13:04

Okay. I just did a pg test to confirm that I am definitely not pg any more (still had this vague irrational hope I might have been) and I am definitely not

Like you, I just keep telling myself how lucky we are to have ds. I think you just have to keep believing that it will happen again for you. Until we had ds, I was never that interested in having children and I sometimes can't believe how much feeling I have for him. It crossed my mind the other day that perhaps knowing what it is like to have a child makes it more difficult to deal with any problems having a second one...

Original poster
merrylissiemas · 08/12/2006 13:21

after my 2nd mc despite all the blood and pain i was convinced that i was still pg, until we had a scan to confirm. even then i rang up the hosp telling them that they'd made a mistake. usually i'm very rational but atm i can't think about anything else. i think if you have 1 dc you assume that you'll get pg at the drop of a hat. pre-ds i'd resigned myself to not being able to have dc's, but noah's raised the stakes.

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Mumpbump · 08/12/2006 13:27

When are you having the blood tests?

Original poster
merrylissiemas · 08/12/2006 13:33

not til next friday. which means i won't be ovulating any more, but they can't fit me in earlier. have you got to go back to docs at all? how old is your dc?

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Mumpbump · 08/12/2006 13:41

I don't think I have to do anything else now I've had a negative pg test. Just don't know whether to start ttc or wait until the New Year.

My ds is 10mo tomorrow (have a dsd who is 9 and dss who will be 13 on Monday) and I was really keen for there to be as little age gap as possible between him and any little brother or sister. Stupid, I know, but I am only 14 mo younger than my sister. I just don't want him to be the only one. Dh keeps saying that he isn't alone anyway, but having half-siblings that much older just isn't the same...

Original poster
merrylissiemas · 08/12/2006 13:47

i know what you mean. my 1st mc was when ds was 6mo, the second he was 12mo and the 3rd he was 19mo. and i so desperatley wanted a small gap. i'm an only child with lots of 1/2 bro's & sis's and i always felt that i missed out. it's prob best to give your body chance to recover tho. mc is a big thing to happen. as my gp said allow yourself to grieve 1st. sil is 20wks pg now and her ds is 12 older than noah so finding it hard coz she didn't know i was pg. did you tell anyone?

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Mumpbump · 08/12/2006 13:54

We only told my dad and my sil that I was pg. I told my mum that I had had another m/c and a close friend when I was visiting her at the w/e because it just sort of came up in conversation. Dh wanted to tell my dsc that I was pg when we first found out and I am SO glad we didn't...

It's so hard when someone close to you is pg, isn't it, because you want to be happy for them, but it makes you a bit sad at the same time... My close friend is due next week! Does your sil know about your m/c?

Original poster
merrylissiemas · 08/12/2006 13:58

no, its a bit like talking about divorce at a wedding. it just doesn't seem appropriate. she knows about the other two tho. i had the 1st when i was flying back from spain with her. she's got her 20 week scan next week and her dh can't make it so she asked me to go with her, but i can't. i'm spending the day with her tomorrow and i'm dreading it

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Mumpbump · 08/12/2006 14:09

That's hard. I can understand you not wanting to go to a 20 week scan when you're going through so much yourself. I must admit that telling my pg friend made it easier for me to be around her even though it was a sensitive subject.

Excuse my ignorance, but what are the doctors actually testing you for??

Original poster
merrylissiemas · 08/12/2006 14:16

after i had ds they found group b strep on my placenta and what happens is when the embryo starts "living" the infection gives it a massive dose of flu. they are also checking to see if it did any long term damage, if my blood clots and my iron levels are ok. basically when ds was born they left me with this infection for 2 months and they think its done some permanent damage

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Mumpbump · 08/12/2006 14:25

I am so sorry to hear that. It sounds pretty serious so I can well understand why you are feeling low. You make it sounds like the infection is still there - can they treat it to get rid of it?

Original poster
merrylissiemas · 08/12/2006 14:31

yes, all it needs is antibiotics while i ttc but i can't have them til it's been confirmed. the prob is it's really really painful, and i had another flareup after mc3

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Mumpbump · 08/12/2006 14:33

How long will it take for you to get the results back? I hate waiting for anything, but never had to wait for something as important as this...

Original poster
merrylissiemas · 08/12/2006 14:39

prob only a week or so. i prob sound v unreasonable but i told them when i was pg with ds that there was something wrong, and i was so ill i couldn't pick him up or even stand up for over a month. i'm just angry that this has happened. but more than that i'm scared that this will never happen for us. i love noah but i keep thinking about my other 3 babies. its hard knowing its prob me, not the pg thats going wrong

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Mumpbump · 08/12/2006 15:07

I felt so angry with myself when I had the last m/c because I felt like my body was letting me down, but it doesn't sound at all like it is anything to do with you; it sounds like it is because of the infection which is hardly your fault.

It must be frustrating that they didn't pick it up when you had ds. A few days before the last m/c, I said on an antenatal thread that I just didn't feel pg anymore. I guess it just shows that you know your body better than anyone else!

At least you seem to be able to get pg fairly easily now. My dr said to me when I asked if there was anything I could do to minimise the risk of m/c with the last pg - not really, but at least you seem to get pg at the drop of a hat. Small consolation, I know, but you're already over the first hurdle and you just need to get this one sorted out!

Original poster
merrylissiemas · 08/12/2006 15:08

i know. have you made a decision about ttc yet?

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Mumpbump · 08/12/2006 15:27

Dh doesn't want to actively try (he reckons I need to get fitter which I think is just his way of trying to rationalise the m/c, rather than him really meaning to imply that there is a problem with me). However, since he is clueless about conception and fertile times, I think it's really up to me.

I think we'll probably just see what happens, rather than actively setting out to conceive. I'm quite nervous about being pg and possibly m/c again. If I do, at least they'll presumably start doing tests to see what the problem is and the sooner they start doing that, the sooner they might be able to help me have another successful pg...

Anyway, I'm logging off soon for the w/e. Hope that tomorrow with your sil is not too bad, that your dh fusses over you lots this evening and that your ds gives you lots of bedtime cuddles! Won't be around much for the next couple of weeks because of work commitments, but I will keep an eye out for news of your results. Fingers crossed...

Original poster
merrylissiemas · 08/12/2006 15:28

take care, and thank you you've really helped

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Original poster
merrylissiemas · 13/12/2006 15:32

swabs came back clear, just got blood tests now!!!! no infection, no PID, nada, merry xmas all

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Mumpbump · 14/12/2006 11:49

That is fantastic news!! Congratulations... Are they testing for the blood clotting thing - sorry to be nondescript and ignorant?