We're Still Gathered Round the Sacred Womble Conker for a Legendary BFP. Bring your Fur Babies, and Pray for Merely a Hint of Menses, it's Just Shagging (with science, sometimes) 55!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a <strong>Kitten</strong> = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>Something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 54 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2474456-The-commune-is-gathering-for-a-sacred-BFP-We-are-worshipping-our-womble-conkers-and-admiring-penis-statues-but-were-still-remembering-to-jump-our-miroids-at-every-opportunity-Its-Just-Shagging-54" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2472977-Its-sneeze-births-galore-thanks-to-our-fanny-stretchers-Were-soaking-in-piss-and-praying-for-Bats-hospital-bag-Were-avoiding-our-mens-Annie-Sloaners-and-eating-all-the-cake-Its-JS-Gras-39?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2460633-Just-Mumming-8-the-one-with-the-fire-crawlers-wind-machines-and-the-Health-Visitor-revolt" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Hope - first time? Where has he been?! Even I've seen it, and my DH despairs of me and films!

No ovulation pain here, but I have conceived 80% of my babies from the right side - one of the only benefits to a wonky womble. My second pregnancy I was never scanned so I don't know where it was. I presume my left ovary knows its shit, but I have no evidence to support that

I know right?! Weirdo. I had to make him watch Shawshank Redemption a few months ago too! He's more of a music person than film.

I've had really weird dull aches the last few days. Mostly on the left but then yesterday on the right. I iced end of last week so no idea what that's all about!

Implantation keep?

Think I've definitely iced. Very clear signs for around 36 hours which have today disappeared. So now it's the 2 week wait for me! I'm sure I'll need a hooyah before 48 hours have passed

YB don't put ideas in my head!! It's already taking everything I have to not symptom spot as it is! Hope so though. We can get through the twot together. When is AF due for you? Mine is 24th.

Keep, yes sperm with a little tail and head! ~~~~~

Fuzzy Hope the coedine/wine combo worked for you! Would you mind me asking if you had any other endo symptoms apart from the ov pain? I only ask as I get the pain when ovulating and like you say it can be so bad that the thought of DTD is out of the question. I've always had regular (give or take a few days) mostly pain free periods. However, whenever I tell friends I take pain killers for ovulation pain they raise an eyebrow and I've never met anyone else who gets it like that ... which makes me thing I should get it checked. (Not sure why I am putting of this trip to the GP so much, should prob go and stop googling mad diagnosis!)

Chat Is the side your pregnancy is on the side you ovulated from? I never knew that! Although, up until about six months ago I didn't actually realise the egg is fertilized in the tubes. I thought it merrily burst from the tubes and bounced freely round the womble, pin ball machine style, until finding a sperm. Oh the stuff I've learned on this TTC journey!

NFMV: I think I am entering my fertile window ... #pantsnot

Pinball womble, Pee? Brilliant! I've presumed that to be the case - my womble's heart-shaped, so if it implanted in the other side it would have essentially gone around a U-bend to do so...

Fuzzy you all jizzed up? Hope the wine was a good one.

My (presumed) endo gives me painful but not massively heavy periods; painful shagging (sometimes) and some odd bowel symptoms on CD1-2. Hasn't been as bad the last few months, though. Silver linings.

Lil how are you holding up? Any sticks left to pee on? Hope you're staying chilled.

Nominated for Mumsnet Secret Santa today, first time I've done so, but some lovely people have done some lovely things for me this year.

Got an almost positive opk this morning naughty jser expect it would have been positive if I'd done another this afternoon. Currently sat with legs in the air, purely in the interests of research of course

Bit annoyed as DH has gone back downstairs to watch the apprentice - how long should I stay like this? how much apprentice will I miss?

Hoping the ~~~~~~~ are heading for the egg

keep think I'm due around the 24th/25th too. Usually 23-25 day cycles, but last was 28 so who knows? Just should be around the same time too I think? Synchro peeing and hooyahs yay!!

Black just walk to the living room on your hands, and watch the Apprentice upside down. Simples.

I've recorded it for tomorrow, can't wait!!

Damn.. forgot about the apprentice. I'll have to iplayer it and set the rest of it to record...

NFMSW (slimming world) another 1 and a half pounds off this week. 9 and a half off since started SW. Still got a bit to go, but it's going in the right direction.

CD 64 and nothing going on here. Work sucks this week. Moan.

Synchro pissing, well isn't that exciting! I will look forward to it even if it is forever away.

Ain that's brilliant! Well done. Was going to send cake but maybe just instead!

Hope all is ok at chez lil, very quiet over there at the moment.

Name: corgi88
Age: 27
TTC: since June 2015
DCs: none
Fur babies: 1 fluffy corgi - light of my life

Am a new member - literally joined because this thread title made me giggle. So be kind if I don't know all the lingo

Have been TTC since June, came off cerazette in May.
My burning question is: is it normal to get ov pain? because I def get it - obviously haven't ovulated for a while as was on cerazette for 5 years. For last few months have been getting a sharp one sided pain which is sore for about 12 hours.... hope this doesn't mean I have endometriosis or something?

Currently expecting ERTD as getting the usual crampy pains - was late so did a test 2 days ago but BFN :(

Also the JS-ing has been severely hampered by a visit from the thrush fairy all of last week. Gaaah!

Welcome, Corgi, glad to have made you chuckle :) You can get ov pain without any badness in there...called mittelschmerz (not 100% on the spelling there...)

Excellent work, Ain, they keep coming off.

I do love a synchro piss.

As usual, I think the entire Apprentice cast hopefuls are total tossers. Hopefully, some business acumen will surface in the next few weeks and some of the egos will become more manageable. Very excited to see Claude there, though I will miss Nick's wit.

Coo-ee, Lil, come and tell us your worries, don't sit and fret alone.

Welcome corgi!

Oops, a bit late to the party!

Name: carrot
Age: 29
DCs: 41yo DP, almost 2yo DS, currently incubating almost 20w large tomato.

Congrats Ain Do you find slimming world is the best program for dropping the pounds?

Corgi sorry about the thrush-- that's truly a bitch. I've only had it once and my gp advised I stop using tampons. Haven't had it again but who knows.

lil I hope you are okay

Sock sympathies-- work is horrible for me at the moment too. I'm hoping a deal I'm working doesn't totally collapse as if it does, my entire business focus could change or I might lose my job...

I am just waiting to see what my cycle does this month. I am going to use OPK's to see when I ovulate as doctor at the EPU told me dating can be tricky immediately after a MC and your cycle can be off for a while.

Just that picture has really made me laugh! And it's also made me think of those delicious glazed soft gingerbread biscuits you get at Christmas.

Gazes out of the window wistfully. Contemplates whether the shops will sell them yet

Well done Ain - you're doing really well.

My god you all talk so FAST!! A new Fred and 5 pages in...

Stats:
Name: Keep
Age: 28
Ttc: since August last year

Currently in the twot, AF due next Wednesday.

Anywhoo I only nipped on to see how things were going but you have all posted so much I'm going to have to have a proper catch up when I get home! Back to peace and tranquility for me!

Hi keep

There seem to be quite a few of us due AF toward the end of next week. Let's hope it's a lucky few days!

Well done Ain ! What is sw like? Am considering it, but it's bloody expensive!!

Hi Keep !

Okay, a few newbie stupid questions... How do I know when it is twot? Do I count from the day I start spotting, or the day I start bleeding heavily? As I always have 2 or 3 full days of just spotting...

Is it normal to think about ttc obsessively?! I didn't think I would, but I am and I'm only on cycle 1...

Should I get some piss sticks in now, or wait until I miss a period? Which ones are best?

Feathered , everywhere seems to have Christmas stuff in already so you might get lucky!

kate twot is the time after ovulating til period. Two weeks of torture! And yes it's obsessive stuff, although now I'm in the millionth month I have whole days where I don't think about it!

I'll try and answer your questions kate

Cycle day 1 is first day of full flow, spotting doesn't count. The twot begins after ovulation, you can pinpoint ovulation using opks which no one on this thread use, honest or through observing pant snot which generally dries up after ovulation.--

You can get obsessive about ttc, but please try not too it may take months years

I would advise against getting pissy sticks until your period is a couple of days late but frers are best

All just ignore all of the above and join in with the crazies

X post with just I too am in the millionth month so have lost my enthusiasm a bit

Hey folks, have any of you heard from lil in the past 24 hours? She posted yesterday morning on Grads about worring because her symptoms were disappearing but she's not been back on there or on FB since.

We're all a little worried for her