We're Still Gathered Round the Sacred Womble Conker for a Legendary BFP. Bring your Fur Babies, and Pray for Merely a Hint of Menses, it's Just Shagging (with science, sometimes) 55!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a <strong>Kitten</strong> = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>Something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 54 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2474456-The-commune-is-gathering-for-a-sacred-BFP-We-are-worshipping-our-womble-conkers-and-admiring-penis-statues-but-were-still-remembering-to-jump-our-miroids-at-every-opportunity-Its-Just-Shagging-54" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2472977-Its-sneeze-births-galore-thanks-to-our-fanny-stretchers-Were-soaking-in-piss-and-praying-for-Bats-hospital-bag-Were-avoiding-our-mens-Annie-Sloaners-and-eating-all-the-cake-Its-JS-Gras-39?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2460633-Just-Mumming-8-the-one-with-the-fire-crawlers-wind-machines-and-the-Health-Visitor-revolt" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

pee I'm going to send tentative congratulations your way!!! I'll keep them tentative as you're a bit nervy (understandably) but I'm sure it's likely to be breakthrough bleeding.

Eeeek! Congrats!!

Thanks everyone, I am most appreciative of the tentative good luck wishes. Fingers crossed!

Funny how your day can go from being in a massive mood about wayward womble ... to some rather unexpected news!!

I think I'll just go with the flow (not of the the AF variety) and maybe give serious exercise a miss, just in case I need to keep the womble still. Will let you know how I get on.

Going to watch Downton shortly to calm myself down. Hope you viroids are having a nice Sunday evening, sounds like Chat will be in her lush hotel :)

So I've realised I'm completely putting my life on hold lately, if someone is organising things for a few months time I'm declining in the hope of being pregnant, decided against joining gym because I didn't want to have to cancel after a month (hopeful u see!) and every thing dh suggests I think of the baby situation 1st. I've taken a grip today though and joined the gym in the hope of losing some of my wobbly belly. Will still shag like mad (and think about it non stop most likely) but on the outside I plan to fake like I'm not crazy and desperate

Now that I've got the ramble out the way...hope everyone's had a good weekend!

Congratulations Peenut I've said this before but shall say it again in case it reassures you - I thought my breakthrough bleed was AF to the point that I got on the vino. I am now 33 weeks upduffed with a bambino that is currently having some kind of rave in uterus. I would take it easy but be positive.

Woo hoo, congratulations Pee!!!

comes out of lurking

Congratulations pee!

Whoo! Congrats pee ! You are about a week behind me it is only just starting to feel real for me now, so don't worry if your head isn't quite there yet. Come join us on the grass thread when your head catches up!

Penguin good luck with the gym. Does it have a pool? If it does you could use that when you're upduffed

keep at least you will be mentally prepared if your friend does announce something soon x

Congrats pee!

Thanks guys! That's reassuring pud ... hope your rave baby lets you get some kip this eve! I totally thought this cycle was the same old story and did have a few glasses of wine yesterday, then weirdly just didn't fancy anything else to drink. Not like me really!

Thanks Kate, your 'I think I'm going crazy and can smell bananas and see a squinty line' story made me laugh last week! I know what you mean, this has not sunk in! I totally get why you were in disbelief, it just looks like a mistake when the line is so faint!

Good work Penguin on gym distraction. If they do classes you could do some yoga or something when you are upduffed. To distract myself and stop putting everything on hold I entered an off road race and a 10k ... Hmmm. Will see what happens!

Yay pee, so happy for you. Take care of yourself.

Kind of over did it today by trying to get rid of a agave plant that has grown into our garden from next door. I hate the thing, I am mildly allergic, it is slightly acidic and it is the plant responsible for tequila.

ill take care of yourself. don't overdo it too much!

I can't sleep... I have been asleep, but keep waking up. this time around I've been awake for at least an hour. can't get back off again. instead my mind is whirling around thinking of all the different things that I need to do...

something to make you laugh though... DH woke up at one point, rolled over, turned the bedside lamp on, then off again. I asked him what he was doing, he said 'I did it wrong' and went back to sleep! no idea what that was about... but it did put me into a fit of the giggles around midnight.

Congrats pee !!
I had a period the month of my bfp (bit lighter than normal but still requiring tampons) - only tested because I was nauseas and wanted to shut my brain up!

Penguin being fit and active can only help ttc, and of course u can still use it when upduffed - I'm still spinning, pumping n gymming. Admittedly it'll get harder once sprog is here!!! I do get how u feel though...I put things off before 12w scan and now I'm putting off many things until after 20w scan (including buying a special pillow to help sleep) - fear of jinx u see

Congratulations Pee! Try to relax in the early days, there will be plenty of time for worrying later!
Well done for joining the gym Penguin, hopefully you invoke the law of sod.
Keep it's always better if you predict a pg first, then you can steel yourself for the announcement

Thanks 5hell. You must have been so shocked! When you get all the same monthly symptoms as usual I suppose you'd just hooyah yourself and say that you couldn't be pregnant. But you could be! (Sorry to fuel everyone's inner-crazy by saying that this morning!)

Woke up at 5am with a busy head ... not as busy as yours by the sound of it Ain. No furniture moving/Brownie reorganisation last night then?

Ta Monkey! Good advice!

Meeeeeeeep Pee! Congratulations! Take it as easy as you can!

Come join the grads when you're ready.

Well crazies over back to earth now totally crampy so af deffo on her way think I'm just gonna have a break over Christmas drink to much eat all the wrong stuff and destress!

Sorry to hear she is lurking Cori ... hope she sods off and doesn't make an appearance.

Thanks Feathered I will do ... I might let my head catch up with what my body is up to first. (Which appears to be mostly feeling like I've got the trots today). TMI.

Congrats Pee

Try not to fret too much about spotting on or around when AF would've been. I had a sudden moderately heavy bleed at 8 weeks, but everything is still ticketyboo.

I second the idea of not worrying too much at the beginning, as my mum said, the worry will only ever get worse for the rest of your life, so start from a relaxed perspective!

Popping on to see if lil has been on after her scan....

Thanks Second cup of tea. Good advice from your mum there!

Oh I really hope lil's scan went well today! Hopefully she will be here with good news soon.

I feel like the worst person in the world. The friend I thought was going to announce a pregnancy, spoke to her last night and she's not, they've actually been having tests and she had some kind of surgery last week to check all ok, which luckily it is. Can't understand why though as I know she was only coming of the pill 8 months ago. I think they've probably paid to go private. Anyway, seeing them again in a few weeks so I'll make up for being an awful person then and be an understanding ear.

I know lil will give you the details but to stop you worrying she had her scan and all was well with her little bean :)

Hurrah!

Don't beat yourself up keep