We're peeing over pineapples because we ran out of sticks, but staring at lines is how we get our kicks! Fred 50 was lucky with 6 BFPs, and lots of grads are about to do babies! We are Just Shaggin 51

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 50 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2412816-There-was-a-viroid-named-Just-who-was-all-wanton-and-lust-But-her-fanjos-a-numpty-so-she-named-it-country-and-they-have-a-skittletits-bust-Its-JSing-50?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2415398-Breathing-through-the-scanxiety-putting-all-our-faith-in-Jill-and-fantasising-about-illicit-paddling-pools-and-fanjo-fans-its-JS-grads-thread-32" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2415890-Just-Mumming-Viroids-6-some-of-us-have-time-for-JSing-some-dont-but-were-all-grad-grads" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a> and <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Been doing some reading up and lots of private places offer the amh/progesterone tests as a finger prick. FSH can be done with a urine sample but obviously won't give a number just show that it is not high.

What do you think my chances are of getting the NHS to consider this instead? They are going to laugh at me aren't they?

might be worth a try - not sure it is for me though - I find it all a bit earnest and touchy feely! That said I would like to not be crippled by fear!

Love your call to arms. Lurkers delurk! Viroids assemble....possible I am thinking of the avengers

NFMD: roast pork with balsamic roasted potatoes.

NFMV: wouldn't know as I am cutting off all contact until she behaves

Found some fanjo bunting

Thought I would make these cakes for the recruitment drive - roll up lurkers there's a distasteful cake in it for you.

just remember they won't take blood from you at your first appointment. If they do bloods it'll be on set days in your cycle that you can plan and prepare for. Your first appointment will just be to outline your concerns and get the ball rolling. As a pre-warning, I've heard it a lot that gp's are asking that couples ttc for 2 years before they offer investigation so bear that in mind. Hopefully you won't be faced with that nonsense but forewarned is forearmed etc.
Can you discuss with your GP sedation for taking blood? Not sure if they offer this but it'd be worth asking.
I've probably said before but I get anxiety surrounding anything medical. No phobias though so am lucky in that sense but I can empathise

Ooh, should we all pick out our fanjo cake likeness to pass the time or is that far too custing? top left
Fairly sure Mel and Sue would approve of those just. Not sure about maz bez though..

Fanjo bunting

Oh just sounds tough. I wonder if there's some kind of CBT for it? Have you spoken to your GP about your phobia?

ha ha tink love the idea of picking ours . I think lady mary would love them!
I know they won't do it straight away, I have had sedation before which wasn't very effective - maybe more sedation?!
If I get told 2 years I will cry. I am knocking on a bit so don't want to leave anything too long.

Right lil what were your sperm boosting tips again? Vitamin c 1000mg? Just in case it's the old swimmers that are the problem.

just some gps won't refer until you've been ttc 2years "unless there are indications of fertility issues". they have to test you both to know if there are indications of issues! my gp said 2yrs but my clinic says 1 soid have fought if we'd had no issues.

1000mg vit c
zinc
selenium
high protein diet (25% protein) for both of you.

I have more when u have test results

I'd mention phobia to gp (after theyve agreed to tests) and say uv read prog/amh can be done with finger prick so ud like that please thank you!

and I never had FSH tested. I think they do lh/fsh ratio on day 3 OR amh and amh can be done any day. amh is pretty new and considered more reliable but not all clinics have adopted it yet. so if they want to do lh/fsh suggest amh so u only need one blood draw. and don't forget day 21 is 7 days before AF so 7dpo with 14day LP, not day 21!

Thanks lil you're like a fertility goddess! Good point about the 2 years thing, I will have that ready to argue!

Is it wrong I'd already picked out my cake-fanjo as soon as I looked at the picture?

Surely that picture can entice some lurkers out of hiding. I feel we're a bit thin on the ground at the moment.

Why do some of the fanjo cakes have bacon in them ? Is this snail porridge all over again? That Heston's got ALOT to answer for.

Can I suggest you lie and say 18 months?

Get on those vits now. If nothing else you'll feel better. I felt amazing when I was taking the bit c. They take about three months to make a difference on your fertility apparently

Those cakes are hilarious!!

Oh man, I hadn't realised that was bacon.

dribbles

blackcat I have failed. I've done about 11 days with no booze but Dh is away tonight and has just rung to see how poorly family member is then hung up on me so I have found the nicest bottle of cold fizz in the house (we have an old fridge in the garage FULL from our last party - 15 bottles of white wine that I don't drink ) and I have poured myself a large glass. Not even messing about with the proper champagne glasses! It is nectar and I'm going to bloody well enjoy it! Sorry, not even that sorry. Will get back on the wagon when it's gone (in about an hour) if I get randomly emotional at gbbo later y'all know why! #mrtinkruinedmyliver. #proseccobythebucket. #myfanjoisacake. #hormonalarguingsucksass.

Congratulations pickle!!

I love the fanjo bunting without reservation or irony but the cakes are just disgusting and I won't take any part in this grossness far right, the one at the front

Fanjo bunting

Just, get some Emla and a friend who can distract you and put you in a calm place. I've done bloods on little ones without them waking up, magic cream does work.

NFMD: Tasting menu. Not even half sorry, time dragging.

tiiiiiinnnnkkkkkkkkkkkkkk what have you done? We had a deal! I'm on day 20 off the booze today and am going to keep going, you are back to zero and have to beat whatever I manage No excuses!

I think the new thread title has to involve recruitment of new viroids as we have had so many bfps just not mine

NFMD: had a large free lunch at work, fish and chips, so just had crackers and cheese with all of the Brie, COS I'M NOT PREGNANT AND I CAN

just my doctor is gong to refer me and DH although we don't meet criteria just yet. Whilst we have been ttc for 21 months I did get pregnant in this time. It is now 14 cycles since mc and tests show no issues, referral guidelines say 18 months if no evidence of a problem. Doc said she would refer us anyway and let the clinic decide so at least that's something.

Tasting menu chat yummy!
Just booked chez Bruce for my birthday!

Pass the champers tink, I'm drinking a v nice Rioja.

I'm already on the vits but mr just is useless at taking his. going to force feed him them

Can't say 18 months as was on pill.

Elma you say, hmm.

That's good black fingers crossed then.

Could you try the old I wasnt taking them?

Just I patiently and kindly explained to DH that if he 'forgot' to take his extra vitamin C, I would pop one in rectally each night.

I noticed this morning that the pot is nearly empty, so seems to have done the trick ;)