We're peeing over pineapples because we ran out of sticks, but staring at lines is how we get our kicks! Fred 50 was lucky with 6 BFPs, and lots of grads are about to do babies! We are Just Shaggin 51

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 50 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2412816-There-was-a-viroid-named-Just-who-was-all-wanton-and-lust-But-her-fanjos-a-numpty-so-she-named-it-country-and-they-have-a-skittletits-bust-Its-JSing-50?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2415398-Breathing-through-the-scanxiety-putting-all-our-faith-in-Jill-and-fantasising-about-illicit-paddling-pools-and-fanjo-fans-its-JS-grads-thread-32" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2415890-Just-Mumming-Viroids-6-some-of-us-have-time-for-JSing-some-dont-but-were-all-grad-grads" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a> and <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Thanks viroids, against all advice I went for 10! Not classy or understated but I love it! I usually have a French manicure so wanted something more fun. And I changed my mind about the dress. The other choices are less colourful. I'm going to end up going naked at this rate as I hate all dresses on me

First knickerless now naked...you sauce-pot just !!

Went with smoked salmon on sourdough followed by a mini carte dor...not fancy but did the job. Might put pie on the menu tomorrow tho chat and that pho on subday too :)

That sounds delicious 5hell , got a similar dinner planned tomorrow! Grinning ear to ear at thought of being a sauce pot, sadly I suspect it isn't so. How you feeling?

Hope your evening wasn't too terrible feathered

Well my evening didn't go according to plan. Got home to an ill/tired dd. Took me over one hour to calm her down and get her into bed. By then dh asleep on the sofa.
Oh well. Hopefully we'll have time for a shag in the morning before dd comes in to watch peppa pig.
Nfmv: loads of ewcm!

Poor babycold! Maybe put peppa pig on to but you some time in morning!

She normally likes to climb in our bed to watch it. But if we really need a bit more time could always put it on tablet in her room lol
Bless her, I think she's just super tired. Been a very busy week or so, with too many late nights. She might also have a headache - fell over at nanny's yesterday and has a major bump!!

5hell yay, also your dinner sounds lovely.

Morning. Hope your evening wasn't too upsetting Feathered.

Naked apart from the red nails Just? Nice. Where are you going?!

NFMV: Think she's fucked off for the month. Not bad for a first visit in almost a year.

5hell! Eek! Nice line :) same as la- I had a week of bleeding at the beginning and all was well. Tentative congratulations! (Bit late to the party I realise!)

How are you doing today 5helll?

Morning viroids

Glad af has left the building chat
Hope little cold is ok cold

Nfmv...v minimal spotting, so gx gx gx
Off to get brows brought back under control

Going to a wedding next week. Nail varnish is semi permanent which is quite frankly life changing!
5hell yay for minimal spotting gx it stays that way. Good luck getting brows tamed!

What are the new dress options?

5hell gingers are firmly acrossed for you spotting continue to ease!

Good news 5hell gingers x that there is no more.

DH made a miraculous recovery from food poisoning so I got some morning jizz, CD11,14,15 and 18 and that concludes this months shagging no clue when I iced, but a weeks worth has been covered

Hello Viroids! Sorry I've been quiet past few days, I've been panicking about the lack of AF and all sorts have been going through my mind! Big thanks to lil for listening to my crazies!

Big congrats 5hell! GX x1000000 for a sticky bean!

NFMV- day 53. No Af. No Spotting. No signs. No Symptoms. No BFP. About 100 BFNs. So... no news. Made a GP appointment for next week, so hope I'm not laughed out the appointment for wasting time and not being patient enough. I just really think there might be something wrong...

Hi fluffy I can totally understand how you feel. When ttc my DD my cycles were awful. They ranged anywhere between 31 days to 72 days! I was back and forth to the docs asking for tests but they refused, I was convinced there was something wrong. It took 12 Mths but I eventually conceived dd and subsequent scans showed no signs of cysts or anything (my initial thoughts re irregular cycles). So not sure why it happened! Oddly enough, when my cycles returned after bf dd upto 9mths, they became regular again.

Totally frustrating situation, but just wanted reassure you that it doesn't always mean something is wrong. It's very very normal. In fact I could think of 4 friends who were exactly the same for no apparent reason. Chin up ducky!

Mini-cold isn't too bad thanks 5hell - still not 100% but we're had a good day. Painting, bbq, then beauty and the beast :-)
Hope the spotting is stopping. Have you told DH now 5hell? he was out last night wasn't he?

Still no jizz since wednesday. DD in bed now, so I plan for us to go up shortly too. Left boob has hurt a few times today, and just got a few stabbing pains from right ovary.....

Thanks disco, good to know that it doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong. Just want it to get back to normal soon!

fluffy* just go in and be firm. don't ignore the ttc aspect but maybe play up stuff like heavy periods and you may be more likely to get some tests. good luck!

need some serious PMA infusion here. diet going badly, exercise has wained. I just don't believe the ivf is going to result in a baby. I keep trying to be good, but by Wednesday its all out the window! grrrrrrrr!

Lil, the ivf works, you know it does. You were very, very unlucky last time, but the ivf itself did work. It will work again, and you'll have your baby. I know it.

lil you've just started the pill, the hormones will fuck with your head. Be kind to yourself, stressing about diet and exercise won't help. Try and be relatively healthy but there's no need to go mad. The main focus is to get as zen as you can! Long walks, early nights, hearty stews! A bit of cake won't make any difference, nor will half a stone. you can do this, own it, don't let it own you.

Lil You can do it. One day at a time.

sending some pma your way lil as chat said, one day at a time.

tink are you trying IVF too?

Thanks Lil. I'll have everything crossed for you for your IVF- all ten gingers and moes Have you got a date for IVF yet?