There was a viroid named Just, who was all wanton and lust. But her fanjo's a numpty, so she named it country, and they have a skittletits bust! It's JSing 50!!

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 49 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2399734-These-be-our-very-Cs-our-Us-N-our-Ts-proudly-JSing-their-way-to-poetic-BFPs-in-49-Together-we-Shall-take-off-our-robes-to-shag-put-on-our-crowns-to-copulate-we-have-immortal-longings-in-us?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2407126-Avoiding-accidental-golden-showers-and-unsolicited-bump-touching-while-enjoying-the-gamble-of-the-poo-lottery-and-apparently-getting-more-massive-by-the-day-JSer-grads-31" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found HERE and <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//www.docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

just this happens to me too every cycle. It is excruciating. My advice is to eat your own body weight in whatever you fancy and have a good cry and get lots of rest. I am attempting to go cold turkey on ic's - we could start a support group? Apparently protein or blood in your urine can cause a false positive so perhaps you had a miniscule amount of pre AF mixed in with your pee? In my case I am on thyroid and adrenal supplements of animal origin so I think that's what's buggered me. I had what looked like a real positive in March that I'm sure was caused by blood though (I tested because AF only lasted 1 day)

Just I advise ditching all OPK's and IC's, and just keep with the temping. Once you get the temp spike, stop temping and just wait out the TWOT. It's hard but honestly, when you stop POAS in the TWOT it makes the arrival of the witch easier.

Sorry you are going through this, remember you WILL get your BFP, everyone on this fred will.

And don't feel guilty. Your DP might not totally 'get' how you are feeling and he might be struggling with his own feelings. Just be kind to each other. Sending hugs

Just I'm so sorry, especially with my 'it's a line' crap (genuinely thought there was a line).

So so shit. I don't have much advice to give as to how to keep going (upduffed first try....followed by mc) and in limbo myself, but be good to yourself and keep reminding yourself it will happen to you.

Also, avoid Facebook.

Just I think ic's are a load of crap, so burn away! FWIW I spent two days straight crying in Nov last year, as I still wasn't pregnant. The first day I was in public too! Trying to play the guitar and hide behind the music so people couldn't see I was crying. Didn't work.

just we've all been there and felt how you feel I was completely convinced you'd cracked it what with the chart and the line. I think we should all go back to Just Shagging, these fucking charts and pissy sticks are no good, no good I tell thee. You're doing the right thing stopping at home though, I often do it the first day of af if I can. And of course you will keep going, it's much better than the alternative! It'll be your turn soon

just how long have u been trying? I'd go to gp and lie about time and explain effect on u and demand tests. iiwy my concern would be chem pg's so I'd want tests doing to find out if there is some immune reaction or something stopping proper implantation. agree you did right thing taking day off though. unmumsnetty hugs for you.

I agree with lil, your positive OPK's and lines on IC's made me think of CP's. Tell the doctor you have been TTC for over a year, no luck, and demand tests.

Got a negative hpt this morning. Didn't use a super sensitive test, just a boots own cheap one.

Bleeding seems to have stopped and just getting last-day-of-period-style discharge.

Could cry with joy that my body might be getting her shit together.

Also, I second honey and tink.... Opks and icpts have caused a lot of heartache recently. Don't think Im ready to chuck them all out right away, but certainly made me rethink how much I can trust them without understanding all the science/biology. X

Viroids you're all lovely. You've made me feel much better.
Sorry for self indulgent whining. Originally wrote whinging but phone autocorrected to whining so it's obviously as sick of me as I am!

I'm going to ditch the opks and ics. I can't stand the stress. I'm going to temp until ff says I've ovulated and then hide the thermometer at the back of the drawer. Back to almost just shagging.

I thought the same about cp. It does seem mad to have had so many fucking lines then get af. I'll make a docs app. Should I mention them or will they think I'm mad?
I've been off the pill since end of last July but only properly ttc since December. I think it's because I've been off the pill for a year that I'm so upset. It's only been 7 cycles of "proper" trying though.

I need to summon up some enthusiasm for this cycle. Dp is being lovely, he just doesn't understand. He's an optimist! He also reminded me that due to his lack of finishing for a while it's not been that long that there's been enough jizz about. Bless him.

Right it's a lovely day. I'm going to get my arse out of bed and stop wallowing. Think I'll make most of day off and do some baking or something.

Thanks again viroids. You're the best.

thursday any NFYV? Did you poas. Waving Pom Poms for a belated birthday bfp for you.

just that's the spirit! make us a carrot cake very proud you've picked yourself up so quickly. If you came off bcp 12 months ago you don't even need to lie really. Go and see your GP, they'll give you day cd3ish tests so you could do with calling them for an app today if you feel up to it. Make them squeeze you in and get first bloods done perhaps Monday

I do have a problem with blood tests. I have to be sedated and then can still freak out. I'm a nightmare.

I'm going to make an app for as soon as I can and build up to next cycle tests. I'm secretly hoping that as I'm off work for 6 weeks from next week a bit of relaxed ttc might do the trick.

Carrot cake it is.

I'm feeling shit but annoying myself with wallowing. I need to get myself together quickly else I know I'll be like this for days. I'm trying to see positive of not turning up to new job in sept too pregnant. I'm not really convincing myself I care but if I keep saying it I might believe it.

Anyone heard of taking aspirin to improve chances of implantation? Or is this just google rubbish?

I'm also awful with anything medical. I'm 99% sure my high prolactin is a result of the stress of the needle to test for it! have a lovely day.

thursday?

Just I have heard of it. However, scientist friend who went through infertility and did butt tonnes of research says two kiwis a day are equally as effective for implantation without any possible side effects.

buys 100kg of kiwis

Uuuuummmmmm...

just I'm gutted for you. I think that cp theory might be worth investigating!

Thursday?

I don't know anything about aspirin by the way, but anything that thins the blood seems strange to promote the endometrial layer to stay put?

waves at jelly

Thursday holy shit! Stats?! If you are only 14dpo I think GIBLETS with a CB digi like that!!!!

#phoneposting
#postspamming

Hah Pud made me laugh.