There was a viroid named Just, who was all wanton and lust. But her fanjo's a numpty, so she named it country, and they have a skittletits bust! It's JSing 50!!

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 49 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2399734-These-be-our-very-Cs-our-Us-N-our-Ts-proudly-JSing-their-way-to-poetic-BFPs-in-49-Together-we-Shall-take-off-our-robes-to-shag-put-on-our-crowns-to-copulate-we-have-immortal-longings-in-us?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2407126-Avoiding-accidental-golden-showers-and-unsolicited-bump-touching-while-enjoying-the-gamble-of-the-poo-lottery-and-apparently-getting-more-massive-by-the-day-JSer-grads-31" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found HERE and <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//www.docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

feathered poor you, that's bastard.

country but very for you. I'm going to miss my cycle buddy. Who will hold back the crazy?

purple like the optimism but I don't think a bfp after 14dpo is v likely. I just need to get a grip.

feathered I'm fortunate enough to have never suffered a mc so can't share my experience but hopefully someone will be along shortly to tell you that's perfectly normal. Sorry you're going through this do you think your cervix may have opened for ovulation and some residue bleeding has broken through? Or maybe just a very short wtf cycle? Call your GP if you're worried though xxx

just bad dog! to go against the grain slightly that chart kicks ass. Taking charge of your fertility states that 16 days of sustained high temps is a sure fire win on the pg stakes. You only need 2 more, and that's for sure triphasic. I know I'm bringing you the pma in spades here but if I had a chart like that I would be on the verge of excitement. Everything crossed for you. Try not to give up hope. And don't worry about being undignified during ttc, it's good practice for pg and labour!

Basks in honeys love

tink I was pretty excited by the chart but the bfn rather kicked me in the teeth! Gah, who am I kidding, I've lost all decorum off to poanotheric

You can pack it in with the miss me rubbish. I'm saving you a seat that you will occupy in the next four weeks missy!!!!!!. Do you hear that just fanjo- pull your goddam shit together!!! I'm gonna hang around for a bit anyway. I'm still here

This forum is so much better than the experience I have had with the NHS with this whole sad scenario, honestly. Bizarre - I was offered absolutely NO advice on what to expect, aftercare, how long it might last, when to call them, whether to book a GP follow up appointment....nothing. I wish I had asked more questions, but frankly, think this forum - and the MC boards - have served me with a lot more advice (and comfort) than the qualified care givers.

Oh god, I said I'd stop ranting/whinging. Ok, I mean it now.

Thanks Viroids.

feathered I was under a fertility clinic and still got zero advice about what to expect from mc, even though I knew I was mc 4 days before the bleed started. so you are not alone. as for friend with your due date, my due date is/was my nephews 3rd birthday. it was him being born that prompted us to start trying that cycle so not only is his 3rd birthday a reminder of how long we've been at this, but also now a reminder of what I lost. I don't quite know how I'm going to get through his birthday if I'm not pg by then. if I am I will be about a week past last mc date so even then its going to be a time of torture. so again,you arent alone.
as for the return of the mc bleed its not uncommon from what I read. I was "fortunate" that it all fell out of me like a flood and was over relatively quickly so can't offer much advice. I will say the best thing is to not dwell on it, but when u need to cry just cry. you don't win prizes for being strong. for the first month or so I would cry at very random times but it helped me deal with the emotions.

nfmv: I ovulated on CD frickin 15 ffs. why is this bad I hear you say? because I didn't need to postpone the freakin ivf! grrrrrrrr. stupid body. I swear it was because I didn't start temping/opks until cd13 which is v late for me. oh that and los with dhs sex ban! #ihadbetterbeuptheduffthismonth

happy birthday thurs

Gx crossed lil

country hope you're right!

I need a hooyah viroids. Another bfn and near pos opk. Now I've posted a picture can you call hooyah me for being ridiculous.

Um just can you take picture of that against a bright white background???

Yeah, I have a twitchy line eye here. What country said.

Just honestly, even on a day when I had a really dark FRER, the ic was still barely visible.

I need further explanation

Gentle Hooyah Just - I didn't get my BFP last time until CD36. Despite how things ended, it's a good reason not to give up until the red tide flows.

Feathered, please feel free to join me in the petulant, foot-stamping, it's-not-fucking-fair corner. There's a small amount of wine but I'm trying to avoid drowning my sorrows when I'm feeling unexpectedly flat. Wish it was easier

Due dates are hard, Wiggly shares mine and even though her baby didn't arrive then and the tiny one arrived four weeks early, I still feel tied to that date. Passed by this year without too much drama, but as Lil says, it's next year and the 'what if I'm not pregnant by then?' question that weighs heavily.

Having had another look it does look like there's something there now. But it's surely an evap now? I've had some cruel evaps before!
What do you reckon? Can't seem to find any light in the house!

I inverted the very first picture you attached and saw something. You know what I'm gonna say.... Get thee a frer! I have a couple you can have?

How do you invert a pic? I've got one. I'll do it in morning but don't get excited, I have had faint lines on ics before.
Love the idea of a frer delivery service. Can't you just wee on one for me?

If you want to know hold for two hours and use it. IF not wait till morn. There's no pressure. What ever the result you will be ok and we're here

Do you have an iphone

That ain't no bfn. And in 6 years of ttc I've never had an evap. Frer fmu?

Got an iPhone....

It does look remarkably like a line but I'm not going to get excited just yet. I'm going to wait til morning.

Settings... General...accessibility ... Invert colours

Then go to photo album and open your photos

Def something there inverted. But an evap would invert too presumably?

unfortunately i feel your pain feathered including #chafedfanjo ...weeks of pad wearing, thankfully it did fully recover! also agree on advice...whilst the epu were lovely and gave me plenty of opportunity to ask questions they weren't super-forthcoming with facts/warnings and no mention of counselling etc. I think my neg test came 5-6 weeks after mc started, not long before first AF actually. it's only now in second "normal" cycle that i feel sort of normal i think.

tried desperately to resist saying anything about just , but as a realist, slight pessimist (when it comes to ttc) and scientist, even I can see something in the very first pic...gx gx gx

#doesfederersweat?

#anyoneseenMMXXL?

#lovestofeatheredandjust

Not sure just. Try to relax until the frer shows you the way

#toohot #sweatingmyneighneighsoff