Older daughter

[Ilovechristmasfalalalalalala]

My dd will be 19 at Christmas and her younger sibling will be 12.

Am I being harsh in thinking that the 19 year old gets substantially less than her sister?

So older daughter works part time and has had a hard year in terms of friendships and boys but she is quite lazy and won't help out unless asked.

Im torn as I will feel bad come christmas morning so just wondering what else people would/have done on this situation please.

Mine have always had the same spent on them with a much bigger age gap. They will always get the same budget, GC get the same as do Dil/Sil.

That's hardly her fault. What would be the answer to that, we don't buy our children any presents until the youngest is born?

Or don't have a scale? Work out the budget and divide by 2 or however many you have.

So do they have the same budget or are you just talking about the size?

Unsure why that warranted quoting, but good for you? Everyone's different. Some people dot have the budget or desire to spend to same amount on their children from birth until they die themselves. Unusual to spend the same amount on absolutely everyone, but if that's what you want to do it's your decision, and it's no more valid than other people stopping with the sort of budget you gave for a child in your care compared to an adult with their own money.

Quoted because of the of course. You've changed that now with everyone is different which is what I was illustrating.

Or accept that an adult with their own income, who already benefited from years worth of gifts before their sibling came along, does not need the same spent on them as a child under their parents care. As children age it's normal to adapt and change the dynamics. If you want to that is your decision. Homing in on everyone's post who doesn't do it the way you do isn't necessary.

@TheignT

Nothing had "changed" since you quoted, you just hadn't got as far as that post. You seem to be going along the thread and quoting multiple posts for no real reason that to express your disagreement. "Of course" is obviously expressing my own opinion. It's a forum, not every post is prefaced with "Well it's only my opinion, but". You don't need to illustrate anything. We disagree, that's really all there is to it, it doesn't warrant you quoting me repeatedly rather than commenting on the thread generally to everyone.

I replied to one post which was the one who implied her way was the right way with her of course. All I said was what I did, I said nothing about what others do or what is right.

You get to decide what's normal? You might notice I'm not the only one who spends The same on mine regardless of age. Maybe that's normal

Some people being touchy, don't know why.

I can reply as much as I like, it's how it works.

Which there was no need to do. The meaning was obvious, there is no inplication, it was statement of agreeing with the OP IMO. Thats how a forum works. You are posting your opinion.

For some reason you have decided to directly address people, and pick fault with their posts, rather than join a group discussion. You quited two of my posts alone within minutes of eachother in your haste to do so.

Now you are being deliberately snarky talking about people being touchy. When what's actually happened is you are being so by continuing to single out my posts because you disagree.

Absolutely nowhere were my posts deciding what was normal, they just expressed my opinion, and you know it. You might notice that was never said. But there you are trying to twist words, and still acting as though expressing an opinion somehow implies that anyone belives that's the correct way. We can just disagree and you can stop quoting me, and there will be no need for me to politely respond to your directly addressing me after that.

Just because you can, doesn't mena you need to. The intention was for us to politely disagree and go our own way, but seemingly you enjoy drama and escalation. That's ok. Again, it's something we can just disagree on, the way people do.

I can't imagine a time when I wouldn't spend the same amount on both of my children for birthdays and Christmas, regardless of their ages. I certainly wouldn't set an age limit.

My parents recently announced that it had always been their intention to stop giving their grandchildren birthday and Christmas presents once they turned 18. They have four grandchildren.

As I have a younger child, he would have received Christmas money this year, while his older brother would have received nothing. I told my parents that they would have to explain their decision to him themselves, rather than expect me to pass on the message.

They've changed their minds for now, but on top of many other things, I'm very fed up with their stinginess, particularly as they have plenty of money. Everyone I've told about it agrees that it's an unkind thing to do.

You mean you want the last word. Go on then

I’ve 11 years between my two kids, the oldest now being 24, I spend the same on both.

Well done, glad your 18 year old isn't being left out

You initiated contact with me, by quoting two of my posts from hours ago. As is usual when someone addresses a person, you got a reply.

Now you are attempting to make out it's me who wants the last word on.... what? A reply to someone addressing you is not having the last word, it is standard practice. If you want a person to stop replying, stop initaiting contact with them. There was nothing more to say, but you kept quoting me, and you now desperately need a way to make out you aren't the problem.

That’s a nasty way of viewing life. I was brought up the same.

so once I got my first little job at 13 my mum took half that continued until was kicked out at 17. From then onwards I get a small gift sometimes other years something from a charity shop. My siblings were not treated like this. I’m estranged for thousands of reasons.

The fairest way is you work out exactly how much you have say £450 and divide it in three. Or spend less on the little one as in years to come she will be the only one still st home so can get a few extras then maybe.

That’s how it was in my extended family. You reach 16 nothing from then on not even a birthday card. It’s very harsh.

DD is 18 and at Uni. She will be having less spent on her than her younger sibling. When my DS turns 18 his budget will reduce accordingly, therefore they have both been treat equally.

Going by the reasoning on here my DBIL, who is 44 and still living at home should still have the budget spent on him as a child 🙄 this just doesn't make sense to me.

Both having varying needs during the year, supported as needed (probably more than wanted at times 🤣) and loved the same.

It's interesting that you say she also has a birthday just before Christmas, as though somehow, her getting birthday presents means she doesn't need much for Christmas. Would you say the same if her birthday was in June I wonder? Why should someone with a birthday in December get less for Christmas than someone who has a birthday at another time?

You also say she will get what she's asked for, which isn't much. You know, some people don't ask for much because they don't want to either appear greedy or be disappointed. But they do hope.

How sad. My kids will always be treated equally, no matter what their age.

I have always spent equal on my two. There’s only a 4 year age gap but I have said to the oldest because the things she asked for compared to her siblings are more expensive she will receive less gifts but same monetary value. They both live at home so get the same

I agree! This is how it’s always been in my family. My eldest is almost 18, he’ll get his normal amount spent on him this Christmas them from next year, he’ll get one main gift and some bits. He’ll be able to pick trainers up to £200 ( or clothes ) then I’ll buy him some aftershave, sweets, pjs and some smellies. This will be about half the amount i spend on him now. He’s fine with this ( he just had to be ) as Christmas presents are for kids in our family. Adults do get some gifts but just little things. approx £30.