Older daughter

[Ilovechristmasfalalalalalala]

My dd will be 19 at Christmas and her younger sibling will be 12.

Am I being harsh in thinking that the 19 year old gets substantially less than her sister?

So older daughter works part time and has had a hard year in terms of friendships and boys but she is quite lazy and won't help out unless asked.

Im torn as I will feel bad come christmas morning so just wondering what else people would/have done on this situation please.

No definitely not, not sure why i mentioned it to be fair. She is getting a nice amount for her birthday.

I can’t think of anything more likely to provoke discontent between siblings - of course you don’t treat your 19 year old daughter less favourably! Do you not want her to like her siblings? Or do you want her (not unreasonably) to accuse you of favouritism? Her birthday six days before Christmas has nothing to do with anything: she hardly chose when to be born. You should treat all your DC the same - you are being very harsh thinking that she should get less than her sister.

I think thats abit unfair. She had 7 years of being spoilt before siblings came along.
Last year the 2 eldest got the same amount spent on them. Its only this year where I'm questioning it.

We have a 7 yr age gap. They get same amount spent on them, but this yr my son has less as his where more expensive. I wouldn't buy less as he is older. As long as you treat them the same and spend same amount on them i can't see issue, but please don't buy/spend less on her cause of her age

No, we have a similar age difference between ours and we’ll be spending the same. Dd is 21 and left home and ds is 13.

Of course, but it's better to start scaling back, rather than suddenly start doing it at an older age with no build up though. It's the second year of adulthood, and gives a few years to cut down, before hitting the amount you intend to spend longer term.

As you say yourself, everyones different, so you have have to get a balance to avoid kids getting benefits their siblings don't because they made a different decision. If one kid leaves home for the army at 18 YO and the other is pursuing a masters at 23 YO and still only working part time you can regret setting a precedent that it's finances and educational choices that dictate gifts rather than a scale relating to age.

We have a similar age gap ( 2 kids) and I find it a very odd concept that once your children are adults that you change your Christmas gifting habits . We’ve never price matched because eventually it evens out but we still buy big ticket items now they are adults and one of ours doesn’t even live at home .

As children/adults our dc have always been given the same budget for presents as each other. It would feel very unfair otherwise. As pp have said, the older ones often ended up with fewer presents as the things they wanted got more expensive, but the amount of money spent on each is as equal as we can make it to within a few pounds either way.

We’ve always treated the kids the same regardless of their age, even now they are adults. I couldn’t fathom treating them differently tbh and we have a larger age gap than yours.

Fair enough. I will ask her if she wants a big ticket item. But she is also getting perfume which is expensive, headphones, Charlotte tilbury make up etc
We have always said your pile will become smaller as her taste gets more expensive which she understands so add in a smaller budget it seems not enough.
When they all leave home the budget will reset and they will all be treated the same.

Mine will get equal ish for life. I doubt I'll spend less when they become adults.

Don’t you want all your kids to feel spoiled and happy and loved on Xmas day? Doesn’t the idea of giving eldest DD a nice ‘big ticket item’ not appeal to you? That’s totally alien to me. Equal pots here. All the time. Whatever budget you have, split it equally between the 3. And I love buying gifts for the older AND younger ones.

I see where your coming from op . We are a large family . My older ones understand the younger ones get more at Xmas . The older ones still get a couple of thoughtful gifts but understand they are now adults . They enjoy watching their younger siblings enjoy the magic . So where my 11 yr old has a ps5 amongst the usual Lego (ASD) and 7 and 9 yr old get the usual Barbie and dollys tablets etc etc this year my 25 yr old daughter who still lives at home is happy with a perfume,pjs and a pandora charm . My oldest son will get 50 pounds and again trivial things socks pjs . They're adults this has always been the case on our home . My 16 year will get a decent outfit trainers and a 100 pounds again costing and being less under the tree . It's just life .

Fair enough. It did sound a bit like you were trying to justify buying her less for Christmas, because she would have just had her birthday the week before though...

No it was more she has chosen big things for her birthday so leaves little less for Christmas but after pushing her she has gave me more ideas like trainers and pandora charms so taking what everyone has said i will still spend less on her but not considerably less

It isn't her fault when her birthday is! That shouldn't be a factor in receiving less (speaking as the mother of a child whose birthday is that week)

You should spend the same amount equally. That's only fair.

I was thinking the same?
surely all kids regardless of age should have the same budget?
getting the younger sibling more is a sure way to push the older sibling out!

I would spend the same on each, or for the little one if that would mean too many toys, put what isn't spent aside for buying garden toys next summer.

That is actually rather horrible.

This. All same budget. Mine are 22, 21, 14 and 9.

I have a 13 year age gap. They got different amounts every year. They still do !!

I've always given my DC equal amounts of money for both birthdays and Xmases. I think if your 19 year old sees her younger sister get lots and she only a few things she will feel resentment towards her you get sister. My foster son has a gf and we like her a lot. She's always lovely when she stays and very respectful towards DH and me. She told our foster son her parents will only get her one or 2 gifts but her brother who is only 2 years younger always gets lots. I'll be making a stocking for her as once she sees how much foster son same age as her gets I know she'll feel sad her parents don't give her much and in their case they both have good jobs and could afford to do more but just don't want to.

No, I have DC age 33, 22 and 18. They all get the same spent on them, give or take a few quid. Never heard of anyone giving younger child more. My mum still gives exactly the same value to my brother and I and we are 49 and 52. It’s one way to make one of your DC feel crap.

Wow.
That's properly shitty.
And you say older dd has had a tough year?
Wow.