Would you go away for Christmas or is it selfish?

[Glitterballofdreams]

Every year I go all out for Christmas, the food, the meal plans, themed evenings, parties. It’s great but tiring. I’m always exhausted by new year.
This year I have thought many times how it would be nice to go away. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere hot, I’d like to keep some tradition.

A resort hotel not too far away is hosting a Christmas stay from Christmas Eve to Boxing Day, all meals and festivities included. I’m really up for this, no cooking or cleaning!

My husband however isn’t, he would rather stay home. As the cook and main Christmas organiser, I feel it’s a good opportunity, to try something new.

Do any of you go away for Christmas or do you prefer home comforts and traditions?

GFI.

Suggest that if he wants to stay home, he takes over your role and organises and cooks the whole thing while you put your feet up.

We have tended to mix and match - some years all out and some years just ourselves. I like the mix.

if you feel the load falls on you - well that needs to stop

perhaps say you don’t mind staying at home but you won’t be inviting people over and you won’t be catering for people and you won’t be cooking Christmas dinner and you will be going for a walk or to the cinema or whatever if he decides he wants to entertain because you don’t want to be forced to do something that isn’t working for you now matter how much everyone else likes it

So he wants to stay at home and let you do the work? I'd doubt the hotel has any rooms left this late in the day but there's no rule that says you have a host. Just announce now that you're having a quiet one and see who steps up. You might be able to book lunch somewhere for the two of you.

Of course he wants to stay home.

It’s a bit obtuse of him not to realise that it might be nice for you to have a break from entertaining.

I love the chaos of home at Christmas-we took the foot off the pedal one year at Christmas and because we’ve kids did all the madness but no people over to stay/ games nights, stayed in etc etc. afterwards it felt very meh! But it depends on whether you enjoy it all or not

If the big man would rather stay at home, he can take over all the stuff you do as you sit back and enjoy the fruits of his labour. Simple. He’ll be booking the holiday for next Christmas by Boxing Day.

If he wants to stay at home, he shoulders literally all the work while you eat mince pies and watch Christmas films.

I don’t think you’re unreasonable to want that, but I guess unless you want to go solo you can’t force the issue. It sounds like the main issue is more the work of it rather than location? Just like you can’t force your DH to go away for Christmas, he can’t force you to do all the donkey work (no wonder he’s happy with the usual arrangements!) I would find ways to keep the work to the minimum and maybe explicitly hand over the reins. Perhaps with him having all the work of Christmas 2026, he may be more enthused to go away for Christmas 2027!

Ps if you decide to not do the hotel for the day I think take the holiday break around that time so a few days earlier or later

Christmas should be shard by however is coming.

I have my sisters & their husbands this year, everyone makes something to bring & we all come together Christmas Eve to prep the veg & get everything ready.

It's very enjoyable but we don't do it every year, last year & next year we will likely have Christmas day on our own or just with DSS coming

I often look at Christmas breaks but then when it comes to the crunch, I decide to stay home (mainly due to being here for an elderly relative) BUT one day I absolutely will! (Though I'll still do everything Christmas at home too - just on a different day!).

So he wants to stay at home? I think you need to call his bluff then, and say okay, but this year he will be doing everything you usually do at Christmas.

Drop the rope. Do not lift a finger to help him.

I’ve been away three times for Christmas and do much prefer it at home. There is a middle ground though, I go out for a meal on one of the main days, meet relatives for a Boxing Day walk instead of hosting and go out NYE instead of having a party.

I love going away for Christmas (especially if it's to a European city), so I'd say you should definitely do it.

Only by Boxing Day? I'd say about by 11:15 on Christmas eve, especially if he has to do the shopping as well.

Fine he’s in charge of Christmas this year.

We go away every Christmas and we all love it. I think I'd struggle to do Christmas at home now.

Give him the option of either going away, him taking care of all the festivities this year or not celebrating at all. I expect he’ll soon warm to the hotel idea.

Well, as a rule, going away needs to be something the whole family (or the people you're doing it with) also want to do.

BUT... your problem is that you're doing a million things for christmas, it's all on you, and you're not enjoying it. So you should stop that. Cut back on the festivities and/or tell your DH to step up more.

I have, over time, got DH to do a lot more and the result is a lot better for me. I also don't over plan because I realised too many social events exhausted me.

We compromise!

Alternate years, one at home, one elsewhere.
It came about as a solution to the hard work Christmas can be, and feels much more exciting and ‘new’ when we do have Christmas at home.

It has had the added bonus of giving our adult DC’s a ‘free pass’ 😆 for the alternate year. They know to make their own plans.

It came about when one DC said he was spending Christmas with his GF’s family. I then ‘suggested’ (strongly…😉) that the other made other plans with his partner. Worst thing would have been them on alternate years too!

We had a fantastic week in Budapest including Christmas. It was like something out of a fairytale, brilliantly looked after in the hotel, relaxed with a spa, stem baths and ice skating! We even got to see The Nutcracker at the Hungarian State Opera House.

All good so far with the arrangements, now 5 years in, though I have just checked in with them today, as I would never leave my DC’s without a Christmas.

Now to plan our trip!

This. First post nails it.

Yeah who cares if it’s “selfish” I actually hate that word cus like everyone should be selfish and live their life how they want and only do what they want tbh

I’d love to go away for Christmas tbh ! We are planning it for next year

but we cancelled going to Ireland this year to our family cus the flights were about 700£ for the 4 of us - instead we are batch cooking curry in advance and having a chill curry Christmas watching films and playing board games just us and the kids can play with their toys ! I’m fed up always being the ones going on a plane and rushing around tbh

id be telling g husband as others have said that you aren’t cooking this year and see what he wants to do about that then

@Glitterballofdreams

OP, you said in your first post:

"This year I have thought many times how it would be nice to go away. "

You should do exactly that.

Make enquiries about the hotel stay today.

Why should you exhaust yourself every year? Why?

You deserve better than this and you deserve that Christmas break in a hotel.

We’ve been going away for Christmas (in the UK) for the last 10 years. Have loved every trip and it really makes sure you can all have a break and fully enjoy the festive period. No washing/ironing/household jobs, all present shopping done before the 23rd, just planning which meals we’ll go out for, local Christmas activities to attend etc. Go for it. We then visit /host family at other points in the Christmas holidays