Poncetastic Christmas 2021

[VivaJen]

Welcome to the 2021 Poncetastic thread. With a nod to Fellatio (wherever she is), at the stroke of midnight, let the poncing commence.

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobs worth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapés and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessie’s' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

Impressive poncing everyone, great work 😀. Loving all the photos. Mine is on hold atm whilst we do Halloween but my floating candles stash did arrive yesterday so having a bit of a think about table dressing for this year, would love to see some ideas?

I’ve got diverted by trying to crochet an autumn Garland like this

attic24.typepad.com/weblog/autumn-leaves-and-acorns.html

The proper crocheters will spot that I got distracted by tv doing the middle of the sycamore leaf and lost track of both the number and the size of the stitches. I decided to keep the slightly wonky leaf, and the lopsided oak leaf. The beech leaf is a bit neater.

@HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule
Hold your nerve !
They should still be ok .
My paperwhites are still in the box !

@MarisPiper92 yes to blocking that scarf - it’s lovely! Great colour too as it’s festive without being too Christmassy to wear all winter.

If it’s wool then dampen and block, if synthetic then steam and block, is the ‘proper’ way. I find that sticking stuff in the machine on a hand wash cycle then air drying on a rack does the job just as well, seems to ‘relax’ the stitches (depending on the washing instructions of your yarn!)

I have finished knitting all the bits for my advent calendar today, once it’s blocked I can start sewing together. I’ve also started on the tiny schnauzer for FIL.

I’ve also experimented with adding dried cranberries to my orange shortbread recipe and am diligently working my way through the test batch.

DH has announced his unopened birthday cheese is approaching it’s dates so I will be batch cooking cauliflower cheese sauce for the freezer this week as a kind of unexpected bonus ponce.

Thank you! I will double check the material (pretty sure it's synthetic) and get blocking!

Finished my first cross stitch card and am all pleased with myself. Was just a cheapie £1 kit from the works but good enough for me as a rookie to Christmas poncing!

Oh, that's a cute card, @Yogity!

I'm onto gift tags now! I need to have a few ready before I go to visit my family at the end of the week. I also need to sort my mum's Turtle Dove wrist warmers out, as I'm going to add felt hearts to them. Need to get cracking!

@nowordforfluffy Thank you! I'm chuffed

Ah I love those gift tags. I saw cross stitch calligraphy fonts on Etsy and I'm thinking of making name tags next. I thought they might be cute on the tree if backed with some felt and ribbon

@BeastOfBODMAS do you mind sharing the orange shortbread recipe you use, I love shortbread and orange so it sound perfect

I made a batch of Nigella's sticky gingerbread yesterday as a test run for Christmas. The recipe calls for 200g golden syrup and 200g treacle but I didn't have any treacle so used 300g syrup and 100g malt extract. I also didn't have fresh ginger so used extra dried ginger. So quite a few tweaks but it's lovely! I'll do a second batch for Christmas as I don't think this batch will last long. Apparently it freezes well.

@Ponceyponce no problem it’s ever so simple:

115g butter (I use ‘vegan baking block’)
50g caster sugar
Mix the two together until fluffy
Mix in grated zest of 2 oranges (I used small oranges and it is quite strong so I think 1 big one would be fine)
Bung in a handful of dried cranberries at this stage if you like (or chocolate chips?)

Then gradually mix in 175g plain flour and bring together into a ball.

Roll out to 1cm thickness and cut into 12 pieces

Sprinkle top with a bit more caster sugar (next time I will use cinnamon & sugar)

Bake at gas mark 5 or equivalent in centre of oven ‘until done’!
My book says 20 mins but after 16 mine were a little browner than I’d like - will give 12-14mins next time.

That looks lovely and cute yogity

Also thank you to whoever posted the carrots caramelised in orange and thyme recipe - it sounds delicious so I'll be giving that a test run at some point

My poncing is all about crafting - I can't bake at all and DH is the chef on Christmas Day so I do the trial runs and help on the day but he does the food poncing here.

I've so far completed 2 cross stitch cards and a crochet Santa bag.

I am now working on another card (spent most of yesterday afternoon doing the fiddly Christmas tree) then I will be making a cushion for my auntie, a little decoration of some sort for my parents, sister and friend.
I'm also planning to make material gift bags / stockings to use as reusable, environmentally friendly wrapping - and if there's any time left I have foam wreath I'd like to try decorating

Thank you all, I have just read the whole thread in a binge of fuzzy poncetasticness. Have ordered Christmas Chronicles

I only have moments of ponce myself, last year made drawstring bags from Xmas fabric as reusable wrapping.

This year started a scrappy Xmas tree quilt with leftovers and any suitable bits I have but that won't be finished til next year.

@FireworkParrot apologies lost the thread, so am a bit behind. I can't really recommend pork substitutes with any authority as don't eat pork and never have so sausages and pork stuffing are completely aline to me.

That being said, I've seen lots of vegan pigs in blanket and stuffing options this year. I picked these up in M&S last week. Haven't tried them yet and can't say how they compare to your usual.

www.ocado.com/products/m-s-pk-cranberry-orange-stuffing-balls-565020011
www.ocado.com/products/m-s-plant-kitchen-no-chorizo-pigs-in-duvets-frozen-532050011

@BeastOfBODMAS thankyou, that sounds delicious think i'll have to make some before christmas!
Not to much poncing took place here over the weekend, I made a twig wreath base which doesn't look to terrible so hoping it will be passable and less obviously not a true circle when i've spruced it up a bit with greenery and baubles in December. No idea how it will last as I can't get hold of the usual willow or other bendy trees so I used branches from some hibiscus bushes that needed cutting back anyway. I did contemplate some hibiscus gin while I was at it but I have no idea if the bushes are the edible kind and I didn't want to do any accidental poncey murdering on Christmas eve

The Balsam Hill Christmas catalogue arrived today. Scared to open because of how Christmas sparkle it might be

I have some 10" white paper circles. I was thinking of using the for gift tags and stamp them. Other suggestions welcome

“accidental poncey murdering“ 😂

I can just imagine various relatives waking up from their post dinner naps
“Why am I covered in this immaculately embroidered sheet?”

[quote RubyFakeLips]@FireworkParrot apologies lost the thread, so am a bit behind. I can't really recommend pork substitutes with any authority as don't eat pork and never have so sausages and pork stuffing are completely aline to me.

That being said, I've seen lots of vegan pigs in blanket and stuffing options this year. I picked these up in M&S last week. Haven't tried them yet and can't say how they compare to your usual.

www.ocado.com/products/m-s-pk-cranberry-orange-stuffing-balls-565020011
www.ocado.com/products/m-s-plant-kitchen-no-chorizo-pigs-in-duvets-frozen-532050011[/quote]
Thank you, I will take a look!

Cushion covers successfully stitched!

Beautiful!! 🥰🥰

Lovely cushion covers.
I have been out to buy paint for sunroom. I have fabric ready for bunting. Now DD tells me she thinks gnomes are creepy !
But first I need to paint the outside of the bath bronze before it gets reinstalled.

Orders some stamps and ink last night & some Christmas eco tape

Need to dig out what wrapping paper I didn't use last year before any more. But have started a cart at paper chase.

Love the cushions TommyShelby

Where did you order stamps from please @StormyCornishSeas? I'm still looking for some....

@CrazyBaubles

Where did you order stamps from please *@StormyCornishSeas*? I'm still looking for some....

I got both the stamps and ink from Amazon. There are other places but I as it's the first time I've really stamped I didn't want to spend too much