To buy or not to brothers girlfriend a present?

[Starlet79]

He’s been with her for a while, never actually met her. He’s always at hers if I pop to my mums.. Never had the opportunity. Me and brother have a large ish age gap and aren’t overly close.

She’s supposedly spending Christmas at my mums this year.

We aren’t spending Christmas at my mums as such but will be popping over for an hour or so in the morning.

If she’s going to be there do I need to buy her a present?

Bearing in mind she’s 18.. no idea what she’s into!

Usually I'd say that you're u don't need to get anything for girl/boyfriends you haven't actually met yet.

But as you'll be seeing her on Christmas Day, then I think a token something would be appropriate if that's what you want to do.

Will you be handing over your DBros pressie at the same time? Because if so, iI'd take a middle ground and get something you can give to him, but comment that you hope they'll both like it (assuming you can come up with a shareable gift, that is)

If you’re going to see her I’d buy her a gift. It’s just a token gift that doesn’t have to cost much but shows you care and then she won’t be left out.
Toiletries/candle/chocolates
Or you could buy them a joint gift - voucher for cinema/dinner etc

I'd get her a gift.
In Sainsbury's they have a mini pink gin set for less then a tenner which is cute.

Just buy her a token gift like a box of chocolates or a mini bottle of drink she likes.

I wouldn't especially if never met I think she'd be embarrassed.

A token gift as you're seeing her on Christmas Day.

Id try to make her feel very welcome on your first meeting in the hope that we see more of them in the future.

I'd buy her a token present eg scented candle, water bottle, hand cream etc.

Yeah small token gift in case she's bought you something. I was mortified the first year my I went to my now DH's house on Xmas day. His sis had bought me something and I had nothing for her.

Can't go wrong with a soap and glory set from Boots or the ole reliable Pj's. Those odd socks seem to a big hit for Xmas

I would, only as you are seeing her Christmas morning all be it briefly. A token present or get them a joint present like restaurant/cinema vouchers.

I would probably get get her a small gift.

Yes, I would get her a token gift. Gloves, scarf and a box of chocolates, or something in that vein.

I’m going to go against the grain and say no. I think it could be potentially embarrassing to her as she’s very unlikely to buy you anything. So I’d either have something just in case (like chocolates that I could eat myself instead) or get them a joint gift like a restaurant voucher or cinema voucher.

A joint gift
Or failing that I'd buy a box of chocs and have them with me just incase. You can judge the atmosphere and the girlfriend and whether it may look a bit silly or whether you think she'd be embarrassed receiving the gift.

I would say not, if it involves buying a 'token gift'. Token gifts are invariably overpriced tat that no one really wants. If you want to buy her something for more than appearance's sake, find out what she'd actually like or buy a joint present for her and your brother.

A token gift to me just means something that isn’t too expensive and/or not specifically chosen with personality/likes/dislikes in mind (since one doesn’t know the person).

A chunky, soft scarf and pair of gloves is not tat.

A chunky, soft scarf and pair of gloves is not tat

Not if given to the right person, no. But if they're in a style or colour that the recipient never wears; or if she never wears scarves or gloves at all, or she already has dozens of similar items, then they become worthless.

I would get them a joint bottle of booze you know they like with some popcorn for a movie night in. Nothing fancy, nothing that singles her out or could make her uncomfortable if it's not reciprocated.

That’s true but the gesture is still important. I would much rather err on the side of giving a nice and thoughtful (if generic) gift, in this specific situation - it’s better than no gift at all, in terms of making a family member’s girlfriend feel welcome. If she doesn’t like it she can return it or gift it on.

I agree it's a nice gesture, but it would make more sense to find out from the brother what she'd actually like.

But a joint gift is a good idea too! Hmmm, maybe a set of pyjamas each (everyone needs pyjamas), a bottle of something she likes (check with him to be sure), popcorn, special chocolates.

Or a voucher for a (nice!) meal out.

Yes, but then it might put pressure on the gf to reciprocate...

I’m glad we don’t do adult presents in our family!

PJs would seem to be fraught with problems as far as I can see!

Clothes of any kind are a nightmare especially if you have no idea of tastes and what size to get. MIL bought me a granny nightie a whole four sizes too big the first Christmas I spent with her. I was early twenties. Still not sure if it was an intentional dig...

Joint present sounds great idea. It's what I have always done. Saves her embarrassment if she hasn't got you anything.

Well questions on sizing are easily solved by asking brother to check a current pair of pyjamas, and where girlfriend gets her clothing from. Again, if it’s not to her taste she can swap it but the thought is there.

But if you're asking the brother for his girlfriend's clothes size and preferred brands, you might as well go the whole hog and ask what gift she'd like, full stop.