Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

DH doesn't want to visit family

36 replies

mamatomjl · 22/10/2018 14:17

Basically I want to go see my family for an hour on Christmas morning 20 min drive and will only spend an hour, DH doesn't want to come I said fine stay home I'll go with DD but he doesn't want us to, makes such a big deal out of it! I find my self going to say 'fine we will all go Boxing Day' but when I think about it I really start to get upset, I'd be heartbroken if when DD grew up she didn't even pop in for an hour at Christmas to get her presents! I don't want to do that to my DM!!

AIBU? What do I do keep DH happy Christmas Day and spent Boxing Day with DM? Or just pop round for an hour and put up with his moody comments till after Christmas 😩

He doesn't want to see his family as there not overly close and he doesn't like his step mum.

OP posts:
NoWordForFluffy · 22/10/2018 14:23

Well, be prepared to be heartbroken once your DD is older. She may not live anywhere near you when she's older, so isn't able to pop in. Or she may not want to. But, that's an entirely separate issue.

It's fine for your DH to not go. It's not fine to be a baby about you going. He's being pathetic. I'd personally just go anyway, but if he's going to ruin Christmas by being a dick, it's tricky. What's he like other than this?

SassitudeandSparkle · 22/10/2018 14:24

Is your DM on her own, OP? Your own DD may have different ideas to you in the future and may not want to call round so do bear that in mind!

TheFaerieQueene · 22/10/2018 14:31

Bloody hell. Kick the OP whilst she is down. I’m sure your daughter will want to see you at Christmas- you sound like a kind person, so why wouldn’t she.
Go and see your mother on Christmas morning - sod your miserable husband.

Original poster
mamatomjl · 22/10/2018 14:32

@NoWordForFluffy I'd obviously understand that if she moved away.
He's normally fine, with his ex (10 year relationship) she always left him for Christmas (she either worked it on purpose or went to see her mum) so He just likes to stay in with me and DD.

OP posts:
NoWordForFluffy · 22/10/2018 14:34

He can't have it all ways though. He needs to grow up a bit and get over it.

And even if your DD is in the same town she may not have the same idea as you about Christmas. And forcing the issue won't help! Just something to be cautious about later on!

MemoryOfSleep · 22/10/2018 14:34

Is your dm on her own? Could you invite her up to yours? My DH prefers it to be just us on Christmas, but I think it's less special that way. I told him I want to set a precedent that Christmas is time for the wider family to get together, like my parents did with me. We always had my grandparents up on the day when I lived at home.

I hope he's not expecting you to be shut in the kitchen by yourself all day cooking Christmas Dinner?

Original poster
mamatomjl · 22/10/2018 14:35

@TheFaerieQueene I'm hoping we have a bond like me and my DM, I'd never move away from my DM or abandon her it would kill me ! 🤫

OP posts:
Original poster
mamatomjl · 22/10/2018 14:40

@MemoryOfSleep he actually cooks the Christmas dinner, he is an amazing hubby and great dad does a lot for us, my mum is raising my sisters kids, if she wasn't I'd have her here.

He doesn't want me travelling with DD because he worries about people on the road that will have been drinking the night before etc.

OP posts:
Iflyaway · 22/10/2018 14:43

doesn't want to come I said fine stay home I'll go with DD but he doesn't want us to, makes such a big deal out of it!

He sounds like a charmer.

Does he always override your wishes and want to control you?

I'd be giving him the perfect Xmas present. Serving him with divorce papers.

No-one's going to tell me, a grown woman what she can and cannot do.

NoWordForFluffy · 22/10/2018 14:48

@ThaFairieQueene, because she may move to the other side of the world, another country in the EU / UK, or even a few counties away and simply can't go to see her. It isn't unrealistic to think that it's beyond the realms of possibility that her DD may not be able to see her. Or she may not want the pressure of being forced to go if she wants to spend it with her boy / girlfriend whose family live elsewhere etc. So many reasons, none of which are 'kicking' the OP, just warning her about being realistic about modern lifestyles and the likelihood her DD may live elsewhere!

whattheactualfuckery · 22/10/2018 14:49

My daughter and I are very close, she's been bought up in a very close family orientated life style..12 months ago she emigrated to Australia. This doesn't kill me but makes me feel proud of bringing up an individual to make her own choices. You need to go on your own, why can't your ds kids come to you too?

BlueOooChristmas · 22/10/2018 14:50

my mum is raising my sisters kids, if she wasn't I'd have her here.

Sorry if I'm missing something but, can't you have them all round?

Original poster
mamatomjl · 22/10/2018 15:15

@BlueOooChristmas my house isn't big enough plus i wanted want them to have to leave all there new toys etc as they are older than my DD and enjoy Christmas at home

OP posts:
Original poster
mamatomjl · 22/10/2018 15:17

@Iflyaway no he doesn't he would just come on any other occasion.

OP posts:
BlueOooChristmas · 22/10/2018 15:20

I get that (I don't travel to see family with my kids for the same reason). But it sounds like your husband enjoys Christmas at home too. I'd be harsher on him but he sounds pretty decent from what you said above.

Have you spoken with your Mum and asked how she feels?

BiddyPop · 22/10/2018 15:22

He doesn't want me travelling with DD because he worries about people on the road that will have been drinking the night before etc.

That could be any Friday, Saturday or Sunday morning throughout December though, and indeed, many other mornings throughout the year....that really is a rubbish excuse.

If anything, because the roads are so much quieter on Christmas morning (yes, we're out and about every Christmas morning!), it will likely be SAFER than usual...

BertrandRussell · 22/10/2018 15:36

“He doesn’t want me traveling......”

Hmm. Red flag there!

BertrandRussell · 22/10/2018 15:37

“put up with his moody comments till after Christmas”

Another one there.......

OliviaBenson · 22/10/2018 16:35

Change this around though if a Wife did all the cooking and just wanted to stay at home on Christmas Day but the H was insisting on visiting the inlaws, I think there might be different responses!

Can't you do more of a thing on Boxing Day- have your mum over then for a few hours? Much nicer than rushing around on Christmas Day and you can spend more quality time together?

Cornishclio · 22/10/2018 16:48

One of my DDs lives 5 minutes away from us and they alternate with PIL so one year they spend Xmas day with us and Boxing Day with PIL and vice versa. That works out well. Can you not have Xmas day at home with DH who will be cooking your Xmas dinner and Boxing Day with your mum? Or pop over Xmas eve. I can kind of see where your DH is coming from. By the time you have got DD in the car driven 20 minutes over to your mums then stayed there for an hour or more then driven back that is the whole morning gone.

ineedaholidaynow · 22/10/2018 16:50

mama I hope you never put pressure on your DD that she can never move away from you as it would kill you. Moving away from parents is not abandoning them

MistressDeeCee · 22/10/2018 17:13

It's ONE HOUR. FFS @ women who are co-signing this nonsense.

It has fuck all to do with whatever happens with DD visits when she grows up.

Why should OP have to compromise? So what if she wants to live or be near her mum? This man has control issues.

One hour..I'd go, and ignore his moods afterwards.

He is also ill-mannered and petty in the extreme - you don't own a woman via marriage hence can prevent her seeing her mum for an hour on a special occasion. He just wants you to feel like shit OP.

Pathetic excuse - bad drivers could be out after having had a drink on any weekend in the year - does that mean women should stay indoors..now that a big strong man has come along (after you crossing road safely for years before meeting him) to keep you safe...?
🙄

Alanamackree · 22/10/2018 18:11

I’m on the fence. One year DH was heading out the door with two miserable-to-leave-their-presents dc to visit his dm just as my dps were arriving to spend Christmas with us Hmm I don’t understand why she has to see them on Christmas Day, after seeing them on Christmas Eve and expecting them for Boxing Day too.
I don’t think I can or should tell DH not to go. But if I’m honest I wish he were content to spend Christmas with our little family.
But I certainly wouldn’t be emotionally blackmailing DH to stay home he gets enough of that from his dm

wonderandwander · 22/10/2018 18:17

“Mum, would so love to see you on Christmas morning. DH worried about me driving DD on the roads and just wants to be an home that morning. I’m not too happy about it! but don’t want tension. Any chance you’d pop over here for a bit on Xmas morning?”

Would that work?

wonderandwander · 22/10/2018 18:20

For one hour you can have them all over surely

One sure

How many people we talking about??

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.