Worst ever Christmas 'tips'

[Stripeyclock]

I've been reading a few women's/lifestyle magazines and invariably they have features on how to cope with Christmas.

Some of the tips are useful but some are utterly dreadful. I thought we could collect these 'gems' here.

"Save up your old lightbulbs throughout the year to transform into glass baubles come December. Simply cover in glue and then roll in glitter or fake snow. Stick on rhinestones or gems and finish with a pretty string around the top to hang"

Not only is life too short, but I'm pretty sure the cost of glue, glitter, rhinestones and 'pretty' string is more then just buying a flipping glass bauble. Plus I'm not sure how charming the energy saving lightbulbs would look.

Best tip I ever saw was in Viz where they had comedy ones. It was something like "Sew small onions into the turn-ups of your husband's trousers." That was it.

Great idea, Leeds. In fact, what you could do, is you could make your outfit out of Sainsburys bags and then the satsuma net would definitely go really well.

like this

I thought it was a joke and I'd look like a twat

This

I made an advent calendar out of big rolls. I feel both smug and embarrassed at the same time. The embellishments cost a bloody fortune too

Bog rolls

In fairness, then punchline required a second post.

Steal holly from your neighbours tightly trimmed bush to make a stunning, christmas centrepiece.
(Also inspired from another thread)

Holly. I remember that thread!

Wow. Toothpaste dinner party treats!

at Malice's Burns Unit post!

I quite like the sainsbury's bag dress!

It's 'wipe clean' too Follow

' rescue someone choking on an ice cube by pouring boiling water down their throat'

Maybe a tad sweaty though.

Roar at the toothpaste after-dinner mints.

How about:

"if you are holding a dinner party and don't have a lot of cash . . . cancel it."

"if you are holding a dinner party and don't have a lot of cash . . . don't bother with after dinner mints."

"if you are holding a dinner party and don't have a lot of cash . . . get some after dinner mints at the pound shop. They also sell toothpaste there (HINT: everything's the same price in the POUND SHOP"

OMG that is actually real, isn't it, the toothpaste mints one? Incroyable. I love the safety tip about eating only one very thin one!

"holding a dinner party and don't have a lot of cash? Instead of buying expensive booze, why not get your guests to swig aftershave from the bottle: SIDEBAR: ONLY TAKE ONE VERY SMALL SWIG"

There is a nice cross over developing between this thread and the "presents for BIL I don't like" one. Maybe put the toothpaste mints in a little box made of something else and present to that horrible BIL in your life?

recreate the "magic" of christmas markets by strolling around the shed deoartment of B&Q whilst holding a plastic cup of lukewarm ribena

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recreate the "magic" of christmas markets by strolling around the shed deoartment of B&Q whilst holding a plastic cup of lukewarm Ribena

Love this.

I think the toothpaste thing is real. It was featured in a Cracked article where they tried a range of terrible party tips and that was number one. The tip looks like it comes from a "Take a Break" type mag not Viz, so I'm pretty sure it's not a joke.

This is a gem I read from Lorraine Kelly If you are cooking make double the amount and freeze it for another time , I could NEVER have come up with that myself thanks Lorraine

malice ha ha very good

One of the worst tips I received was to use tinned custard in a trifle, it was just a big bowl of slop

I always use tinned custard in trifles and its never sloppy