Worst ever Christmas 'tips'

[Stripeyclock]

I've been reading a few women's/lifestyle magazines and invariably they have features on how to cope with Christmas.

Some of the tips are useful but some are utterly dreadful. I thought we could collect these 'gems' here.

"Save up your old lightbulbs throughout the year to transform into glass baubles come December. Simply cover in glue and then roll in glitter or fake snow. Stick on rhinestones or gems and finish with a pretty string around the top to hang"

Not only is life too short, but I'm pretty sure the cost of glue, glitter, rhinestones and 'pretty' string is more then just buying a flipping glass bauble. Plus I'm not sure how charming the energy saving lightbulbs would look.

The north London yummy mummy magazines always have a Christmas Hacks/Tips page that goes like this:

How to take the stress and cost out of Christmas:

1. Source fair trade craft items in August and save money by bulk buying with friends
2. Invest in a whole smoked salmon from your organic butcher to save Christmas morning breakfast panic.
3. Have your husband serve drinks at your Christmas Eve buffet - or look into hiring staff - so you can concentrate on icing personalised greetings on your mince pies
4. Consider a gift wrapping service.

Martin Lewis advises to save money - do Christmas in January! Get everything in the sales.

I feel for his wife!

Typical man!

Can you imagine getting a jumper that was fashionable the year before (OK some fashions last years but a lot don't) but was not all that popular so it got left for the sales? That your husband, who is a rich man due to his "save money" books, has given you.

And you try to return it and they'll only offer you £1 as it's so old.

I once bought some cards in the sales. Come December I couldn't remember where I'd put the buggers so that was helpful . . .

I remember reading the original toothpaste tip in a magazine YEARS ago and have always remembered it and told loads of people as its so hilarious. I was so pleased when I saw someone had uploaded it to the Internet

Enjoy A Jamie Oliver Christmas this year by breaking into his house and eating all his food.

I always start Christmas shopping in January

I got my parents some beautiful JL table linen in the sales last year - half price - am I just being stingy?

No Martin Lewis doesn't say - do the shopping in January for next Christmas. He says delay this christmas until January! The nutter

Tyke I love you! I've repeated that ludicrous toothpaste mint tip hundreds of times as the lamest top tip ever! No one ever believed me but you've found the evidence! Thank you!!!

If you can't afford a christmas tree save the plastic tops off semi skimmed milk. Once you have six million of them super glue them all together in a pyramid shape in an approximation of a tree. Add some baubles and tinsel.

I think we should go on an internet crusade to find the journalist / intern / work experience person who wrote that toothpaste after dinner mint top tip, as it is clearly an all time classic. There should be some kind of award, or induction into a hall of fame.

Or! - Or!- we could do that thing like Esther Rantzen did with the man who saved loads of Jewish children, and we could fill a studio with people who had pissed themselves over the toothpaste top tip, and invite the author of it, and then at a certain point the serious presenter would say "yes, this is FreeWee, who wet herself with laughter at your top tip in 2001." (FreeWee hugs author)

Presenter: "is there anyone else in the room today, who wet themselves with laughter over this utterly bonkers but apparently seriously offered top tip about making mints out of toothpaste?" and then, solemnly, the whole studio would stand up.

Not a dry eye in the house.

Brilliant Eilis I love it! Shall I book the coach now? Definitely could fill the Jeremy Kyle sized studio!

It must have been Take a Break as that was my shitty magazine of choice on train journeys etc. Love the Aquafresh style colouring on those mints too. Like plain old white would be too boring for a dinner party. I too thought a) can't afford a dinner party without substituting toothpaste? Don't host a dinner party then! b) can't afford after dinner mints? Don't bother then!