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Original poster

Present killjoys

31 replies

SheilaCanning · 02/12/2014 18:26

Too scared to put this in AIBU so it's here. Grin Ok, I get that there are way more important things to get annoyed about but why do some people (family) need a list of things I need/want for Christmas every year and give me a lists of what they need. There is no surprise then on Christmas day. I don't 'need' anything as I usually just go and buy what I want so any gift someone gives me is very gratefully received no matter how big or small. I also have to give family members lists for the DSes and DH! Seriously, use your imagination - it's not that difficult, or vouchers! I try to take notice of nice things they might have mentioned in the past but wouldn't buy themselves. Not necessarily expensive, but thoughful, I think. For some it seems to be a project plan to be ticked off rather than thinking 'So & so will love this. I can't wait for them to open it!' ...and breathe.... Just had to get that off my chest. Does anyone else get this?

OP posts:
Lovelydiscusfish · 02/12/2014 18:47

I agree. It takes a lot of the thoughtfulness out of it for me.

Discobugsacha · 02/12/2014 18:50

I agree too, I hate xmas lists ( although I like wedding ones!)

Tykeisagirl · 02/12/2014 18:55

Hmm, I'm kind of on the fence re lists, I think it depends on the person and how well you know them. There are some people whose taste I just "get" and find it easy to buy something thoughtful for, and others who I really have no idea about so would rather get them something I know they want.

I would also rather give a list to someone who asks for one from me than have them spend money on something I don't like and won't use, or possibly even already have.

PotatoesPastaAndBread · 02/12/2014 19:00

I ask for lists in case there's something people really want. Usually I go off them and/or buy something on list plus something off.

The killjoy in my family is my dad. Says what he doesn't want, buys anything he wants himself, hates surprises, deliberately guesses every wrapped gift (ccan't even pretend it's a surprise), returns everything he's given that he didn't expressly request. Merry Christmas!

HerrenaHarridan · 02/12/2014 19:19

Potatoes. I hate people like that! He'd get a book token from me.

Hallamoo · 02/12/2014 19:22

Lists are great! If my family ask me, I tell them what's on my list, usually stuff I need or want, that I can't justify buying myself when money is tight.

anyoldname76 · 02/12/2014 19:27

I ask people what they want, either they tell me or say I don't know, in which case I just get them something.

ClashCityRocker · 02/12/2014 19:28

My theory is if I don't know them well enough to know what they'd like, I don't know them well enough to buy them a present Grin

Nah, I don't mind a bit of guidance (ie a scarf set) but when they start specifying brands a colours, i get a bit meh.

skillsandtea · 02/12/2014 19:36

My Dsis does this. Sends me links to the actual items she wants or goes and buys them herself and says I can wrap them and give it to her. Or she even wraps it herself.. I would have preferred a general idea then I could go find something that is actually from me!

skillsandtea · 02/12/2014 19:36

And yes, family should know your tastes!

Hoggle246 · 02/12/2014 19:39

Someone has in previous years actually suggested ideas for their DCs to me in July. Unasked. I was livid.

I don't mind lists if I ask but HATE them being offered.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 02/12/2014 20:08

I have been with my dh for over 10 years and he still doesn't know what I like, apparantly I am too hard to buy for! Hmm

Elecric screwdriver anyone? Confused

xalyssx · 02/12/2014 21:23

The most annoying thing for me is when someone asks for a wish list, but doesn't buy anything from it. For example, I gave a list that had 2 particular DVDS, stationery and posh chocs on. I got a blanket and a frying pan.

ItsBeginingToLookAlotLikeChris · 02/12/2014 21:27

I have mixed feelings for me it depends on how much money is floating around....if your hard up its nice to be asked what you want...same for dc...

if my dc are poor when grown up with families I will probably ask what they need....if they are well to do I would go more for little surprises...

StripedOss · 02/12/2014 21:29

we do lists, but its always a general 'this is the kind of thing i like' to allow for some imagination/original thought.

3boys3dogshelp · 02/12/2014 21:38

I do this! Sorry Blush but I'm always broke so never get to treat myself. If I see something I would really like I do ask someone to buy it. And I have really sensitive skin and I got sick of smellies gift sets which were a completely useless.

3boys3dogshelp · 02/12/2014 21:39

Maybe if you always get a list off your relatives you're a bit rubbish at buying presents for them??!Wink

FannyFanakapan · 02/12/2014 21:41

my PILs and SILs are like this - send me lists like ("brown handbag called xxxx from M&S, COsts £XX. " - full of expensive items. Then demand lists and lists of stuff for the kids and DH.

ANd then they regift their unwanted tat to me. Last year - a cake stand. Very nice, but I dont bake, so why would I need a cake stand? MIL, on the other hand, bakes for England.

This year when asked, I said vouchers so I can buy whatever takes my fancy.

I do ask my kids if there is anything in particular they want, but thats one out of 10 pressies - the rest will all be stuff they didnt know they wanted. I consider it a challenge to stealthily figure out their hearts desire.

Whenwillwe3meetagain · 02/12/2014 21:45

I'm so in agreement. DH'a family always ask for a list and my family don't so I find it quite strange. I get that it makes things easier but a little thought at times would be really appreciated - yes I know I sound ungrateful but I take the time to be imaginative.

ItsBeginingToLookAlotLikeChris · 02/12/2014 21:52

so fanny why do you buy for your pils then?

candykane25 · 02/12/2014 21:59

It's simple to solve.
"What do you want for Christmas?"
Reply "I would like surprises please".

An announcement early on " this year I am going to be buying surprises for everyone".

There is a downside to this. Getting everyone surprises can be time consuming. You might start wishing for a list and links.

I usually do something in between. I ask what is desired, I get that and a little token surprise.

I see it that people want to be organised, and don't want you to be disappointed if they ask for a list.

If they give me a list I think maybe it's something they really want but can't afford or can't justify buying it for themselves so it would be a great treat as a gift.

But I understand what you mean. I love hunting down things I think people will like.

Lovelydiscusfish · 02/12/2014 22:02

Going back on what I said previously, I do actually see the value of this when money is tight for people. For example, our best friends are struggling a bit right now - it would be great if they could say to us, we'd like x kitchen gadget, or thing for the house/garden, or vouchers from x shop, or whatever. Or even money - would more than happily give them some money. But sadly they never would accept this kind of gift. So we just buy them whatever thing or vouchers we hope they might like.
In general though, when money isn't such an issue for folks, I prefer to try to put thought into something the person might like, rather than just buy off a list. For myself too - I'm lucky in the sense that I'm financially secure enough to buy most of the stuff I want/need during the year myself (even if that's second hand off eBay when it comes to books, DVDs etc). So it's nice if gifts are more random surprises, for me. But I do understand that for some it's different (and have been there myself, not so long ago).

Sunnyshine · 02/12/2014 22:07

I'm an avid list giver. I don't want my kids getting stuff they never play with or is enormous or noisy. They write a lost I then distribute this to relevant gift buying family.

MadameJosephine · 02/12/2014 22:13

I would just love somebody in my family to be capable of buying me a nice surprise present without a list. I always try really hard to buy gifts that 'fit' the recipient but unless I specify exactly what I would like I generally end up with generic 'present for a woman' type gifts which don't suit me or my personality at all. For instance, my parents once bought me a fancy electric manicure set because my SIL had asked for one so they got me the same thing but she's really girly and I'm not at all and it makes me quite sad that at 43 my own parents havent figured that out yet :(

NotEvenAnEnormouseStirred · 02/12/2014 23:02

My DSis is the worst present killjoy I know. Everything gets a sour cats bum face. And some variation of the following:

A surprise - 'I hate this. What made you think I liked x?'
Vouchers - 'you put no thought into this'
Clothes - 'I'm a teacher. I can't possibly wear xy or z'.
Jewellery - 'I don't wear gold/silver etc' (I remember a year where my parents bought her a beautiful necklace. She hated it, loudly, and I can still see my poor DMs crushed face).
Make up - 'I don't like being caked in slap'
Bath things - 'I hate the smell of x. I have ezcema. You put no thought into it'
Slippers/pyjamas - 'how old do you think I am?'

Fuck knows what she'd actually like. I've given up.

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