Present killjoys

[SheilaCanning]

Too scared to put this in AIBU so it's here. Ok, I get that there are way more important things to get annoyed about but why do some people (family) need a list of things I need/want for Christmas every year and give me a lists of what they need. There is no surprise then on Christmas day. I don't 'need' anything as I usually just go and buy what I want so any gift someone gives me is very gratefully received no matter how big or small. I also have to give family members lists for the DSes and DH! Seriously, use your imagination - it's not that difficult, or vouchers! I try to take notice of nice things they might have mentioned in the past but wouldn't buy themselves. Not necessarily expensive, but thoughful, I think. For some it seems to be a project plan to be ticked off rather than thinking 'So & so will love this. I can't wait for them to open it!' ...and breathe.... Just had to get that off my chest. Does anyone else get this?

I don't give lists but am happy to say some things I or my dc would like. For me it's stuff I could never justify buying for myself, I don't think it makes me a kill joy!

Trouble is, you can love and value people to distraction without actually knowing exactly what they already own. I can think up ideas for most of my extended family but generally if it's useful, there is a risk they already have one, and if so they are unlikely to need another. And because I don't know exactly what they own, I end up having to default to generic or gimicky 'gifty' stuff.

I think buying for children is particularly difficult. My parents are very close to my DC but haven't the faintest idea what games and books they own, and which they don't.

Lists are v helpful, sorry.

Like pp said, keeping a list can be a way to get treats or even necessary stuff if you are not very well off (for example for Christmas my sister gets me lovely, good quality tights that I can't afford).

My ILs used to sneer at present lists - you're supposed to pretend you don't want or expect presents, ever. Then one Christmas both FIL and BIL gave me the same book. Imagine their embarrassment. Worse still, I already had the blooming book . So yes the present was well thought out... but it was a waste of time for all concerned.

After that they converted to The Present List

ItsBeginingToLookAlotLikeChris - we do buy stuff for PILS but I leave it up to DH now. He likes lists. They are actually really nice people and very generous with my DH and kids. They just dont really know what to get me so they just regift. They are not short of a bob or two. I find the regifting very hurtful, TBH. Ive been married to their son for nearly 20 years - and I have a very expensive sewing habit/hobby, so there are endless possibilities right there!

We use lists. There may be some very specific items on the list as well as something more vague. The list is just a list of ideas. The buyer doesn't have to sick to it and the vague items mean that most of what I get is a suprise.

We use a bit of both. I hardly ever buy myself stuff but adore books. Most family wouldn't know what particular ones I would love so a list helps, ditto other luxuries I may have run out of like makeup. I can easily go off list and buy surprises for dh, dds, df, dm and db. Not so much ILs.
What my dh finds very annoying is that he is continually told how hard up his dsis and bil are (number of holidays abroad this year =about 5) and how they need to get cheap presents but then send through their wish lists with nothing below twenty pounds and no joint present options. They then buy us something they have obviously got in a sale but isn't really what we would like. I would happily agree they save their money - Christmas isn't about presents for us and it all becomes a chore and a duty, not a joy - but they love presents and won't hear of it!