Au-pair smells (well reeks quite frankly) and too embarassed and english to say anything

[Quattrocento]

It is quite gaggingly revolting in a corner of the Quat house. The au-pair's room gets cleaned every week and the sheets changed too.

I think the issue is a lack of deodorant compounded by an unwillingness to wash clothes. The smell is creeping down the stairs. It is horrible and I am just too embarassed to say anything.

How on earth do I broach this?

Buy her some toiletries, including deoderant, and just be blunt and tell her to wash clothes.

Is she a water saving German?

i agree, buy her deodorant and leave it somewhere very obvious in her room.

Just tell her.

Say that you're teaching the children that being clean and wearing clean clothes is an important thing.

She is a he. I have never ever met anyone so incompetent at looking after themselves. I mean I could buy a girl toiletries without causing offence but a man? It's not easy. I literally had to hold my nose going into his room today. I cleaned his windows - I thought that might make things better. I think I am going to have to offer to do his washing.

Err our house is too big to get an au pair, but I believe that the general premise is that they are meant to help you with the housework, not add to your washing load ?

Sorry realise not in the least bit helpful, hope you get it sorted out.

boak.

i would tell him point blank he is smelly.

Could you say something like "We need to organise a rota for using the shower in the morning so we all get a chance without being late for work. What do you mean don't worry you don't use it?"

Surely he does your washing?... So knows how to use the machine? If not show him, and just say you are very fussy, and like cleanlyness, alot, and he needs to fit in.

Have the children said anything to him? Mine would.

It's difficult to tell someone they smell, though, Expat. Just how do you say it?

you knock on his door and say, 'Excuse me, can we have a word?'

Then you say, 'I hope you can understand, this is all very embarrassing and I hate to have to bring it up, but we're actually a little concerned about you. See, we've noticed that you don't wash often and you've got a bad odour.'

He has his own shower room which is just astonishingly clean and unused. Maybe I should ask him about the towels in there? Maybe I can get the children to say something? They'd almost certainly preface it with "Mummy says ..." and there's a perfectly good relationship blown to blazes ...

how about doing a bit of an english slang lesson and teaching him the phrase " soap dodging" -agree with lynette - just dress it up as a chat about house rules and think of it that way as you'd not be so awkward if he was not pulling his weight other ways

Whose agreed job is it in the house to do the laundry? If it's his, talk him through it step by step and tell him politely that this is part of his job, if it's you that does it, knock on the door every time you are laundering and say, 'Can I have your washing now please?' Also, why not get him to take the DC swimming? And while he's out doing that, fill his room with air fresheners.

Quattro. I would use one of the kids as an excuse. Tell him that X doesn't enjoy/want to take baths or showers and that you're teaching him/her the importance of being clean. Tell the au pair that you and DH/DP are being sure to bath shower daily and can he do the same.

And the importance of wearing clean clothes, too.

Oh I like that idea. DD can be a bit awkward about baths and showers. I think airfresheners are a must too. I like the idea of being open and honest about it but am worried about hurting his feelings because other than this ishoo he is perfect in every way.

Perhaps you could could just do it innocently enough, walk up to him with a cup of tea or bump into him somehow, and just in a jokey way go "ooh, bloody hell! Have you been running or something? you stink! haha" and then matter of factly say there's new shower gel/towels/industrial strength bleach in the bathroom, you'll watch the kids while he goes and has a nice shower. Don't leave him the option of saying "maybe later"

After that though, if he still doesn't regularly wash you'd have to say something properly.

Hmm- if his room is stinking, you have every right to say something, it's your house, why should you put it with it smelling and possibly going mouldy because of his lack of hygiene?

Yes. That way you can raise the whole issue without (hopefully) offending him.

Talk about 'pongy' DD and ask him to make sure he showers daily and that his clothes are clean so that she will understand how important it is.

Or why not put it down to cultural differences from his native country? Tell him that in this country people are generally fastidious about hygiene. Let him know cleanliness/daily showers are part of what people 'do' here....and that people generally wear clean clothes every day - with 'second' wearings acceptable only if there is no odor/dirt/stain! Just put it down as one of the quirks of the British character, and what is 'expected' in our society! Let him know that while he is here, he'd be wise to conform?

I'm not sure things are so different culturally in France, though.

Maybe not...just trying to think of a way to discuss it with him without it becoming personal.

Oh dear, not an easy one then.

I used to work with a girl who would literally tell people how it is. She would have no qualms about telling the men their breath stank or their collars were minging or the yellow stains under their arms of their white shirts was unnaccecptable and you know, they completely took it from her without any embarrassment or anything. She would just drop it into conversation, very matter of fact style. It worked wonders and all the mingers cleaned themselves up.

Be brave. I know it's easier said than done but this is your house and your employee. I recommend my friend's approach - don't think about what to say too much and don't be nervous. Position it in the middle of two other interesting bits of conversation as if it's no big deal but it is something that needs dealing with. Good luck.

Reassure him that he can use as much water as he wants, shower as many times a s he wants (say something like you know some families watch their water conusmption but you don't) and he can put his clothes in individual washes in the washing machine if he wants privacy.

could your dp handle it?