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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

childminder has dd but I'm chilling at home...

32 replies

Bunzanda · 24/02/2016 10:18

Hello all,
I pay my childminder a set, monthly fee for my 5 year old dd. Sometimes i have a few days annual leave from work but my childminder still does school drop-off/ pick up.
Is this wrong to be at home, or having some me-time whilst my childminder has dd???
I know this sounds really paranoid but i even try to avoid going out, in case i pass her in the local shops!
But my main question is, can i just be honest and tell her im at home doing f-all? She often asks how my work day was and i find myself lying, saying i was busy at work
I mean, shes getting paid but im worried she will think, "lazy cow. Take your own kid to school".
Likewise today, im off sick from work but embarrassed to tell childminder I've been in all day whilst she's doing the school run for me .

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MrsAukerman · 24/02/2016 10:21

You're fine! I have 15m ds who does 3 set days at cm. Right now I'm watching homes under the hammer and eating crumpets. Why not? Down time is important, especially if you work ft and have small children.

Iguessyourestuckwithme · 24/02/2016 10:23

I'm a nanny - got the day off today.

I have no problems with my boss having time to herself while I work. I actively encourage her to have some "me time". Don't worry about hiding out - you are paying for a service. Have a nice day off :)

PovertyPain · 24/02/2016 10:24

Tell her you're working from home or studying mumsnet That way you can pop out to the shops or coffee, for a break.

RudeElf · 24/02/2016 10:24

As long as you pay your CMer its none of their business what you do with your time. Lots of people who dont work use paid childcare. There is nothing at all to feel guilty about.

starry0ne · 24/02/2016 10:28

I am a child minder and would rather you said oh I am off for a couple of days... Most of my parents do it to lesser or greater degrees... I am paid to have children and don't resent anyone there me time...I do however would wonder if you were lying about been off what else are you lying about..

MrsAukerman · 24/02/2016 10:30

Honestly is key with the parent / cm relationship. You need to totally trust each other. Imagine if your cm lied about her whereabouts or how your child got injured.

Original poster

Bunzanda · 24/02/2016 10:31

Lol! I thought it was just me. Do you tell your cm you've just had a day to yourself? Im finding it hard to make up a day at work i never had!..plus, on this occasion, i may be off sick for several weeks. (Early pg issues)
Are there any cm's out there who would say what they would think about childminding for parents who just want to put their feet up?

OP posts:

longdiling · 24/02/2016 10:32

I think you're worrying unnecessarily! My parents often tell me they have the day off and I always urge them to make the most of it and enjoy themselves! In fact I've looked after a couple of kids who's mum doesn't work but just wants a bit of time to chill. If she's a good childminder she wouldn't have any issue with what you're doing - it's none of her business.

Enjoy your day!

LBOCS2 · 24/02/2016 10:36

I'm on maternity leave (but baby's not due for another 7 weeks) and DD is at nursery today. She goes two days a week; I don't feel slightly guilty about it. At the moment I potter on those days, do paperwork, have leisurely afternoon naps - it's lovely!

KP86 · 24/02/2016 10:37

DH and I both had the day off on Monday this week, which is the only day DS goes to the child minder so we took advantage of child free time and went out for the day! She knew, didn't judge (at least not to my face, haha!) and said enjoy :)

As others have said, you are paying for a service, it's really none of the CM's business what you do with your time.

Original poster

Bunzanda · 24/02/2016 10:39

Yes..i see your points but i wouldn't really consider it a lie when I'm just worried what she will think of me (being a lazy parent). Dh said the same. We are paying her so what am i worried about? She is lovely but it's too early for me to say im pregnant. Only 7 weeks. I will be partially honest and say im off sick from work though.

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Eminybob · 24/02/2016 10:45

I know where you are coming from, I get the guilts when DS is in nursery but I have the day off. I feel like I should be dropping him in later or picking him up earlier. I wear a uniform to work so it's obvious when I drop him in in my normal clothes.

Sod it though, we pay for the service, it matters not a jot to them what we are up to while they are working.

HSMMaCM · 24/02/2016 10:50

Just tell her the truth it's fine. I used to care for a child whose parent didn't even have a job and just wanted some me time. No problem at all.

MrsAukerman · 24/02/2016 10:56

I do pick up earlier when I have a lazy day but only cos it works out better for us and means I can make sure he has a big tea.

Original poster

Bunzanda · 24/02/2016 11:01

I wear uniform too Eminybob!, and have even put on my work trousers after my afternoon nap!.
I think its because she drives past the house for the school run. I just feel guilty i think. Most other mummies at dds school are SAHMs and they don't ever get a day off.. Who's the most exhausted? Sahm's or full-time, working mums??? Now that would be an interesting topic!

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thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 24/02/2016 11:22

I'm a sahm and I'm telling (yes, telling!) you to enjoy your time to yourself

It's the same as getting a takeaway or eating out (or anything else where you pay someone else to do it instead) you could cook yourself but it's nice to have a treat now and then and let someone else do it, I doubt chefs and waiting staff think 'what a lazy bugger'.

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/02/2016 16:24

If worries will see you then say you are working from home

StringyPotatoes · 24/02/2016 19:01

I'm a nanny and don't begrudge MumBoss or DadBoss their "me time". I've cared for the little one while MumBoss has gone to the spa before!

I always think parents are much more effective when they're well rested and their head is clear. And if a lazy day at home while DC are at the childminder's then go for it! You wouldn't feel guilty if they were at school would you? And you're paying for the childminder!

Maryann1975 · 24/02/2016 21:37

I'm a cm and parents do this all the time. They are paying me to look after their dc and pay whether the child comes to me or not so I don't blame them.

One family i look after, the parent has only picked the dc up from school once in over two years and I know the dc would love it if their mum would pick them up occasionally from school, (majority of children get picked up by parents). But the mum sees it that she is paying me, so I should do it.
What im trying to say is, I don't mind doing pick up every day, it's my job and it's what I'm paid for, but once in a while, if you can, do you/can you pick dc up from school? (You might only work part time so this is irrelevant as you are already doing school pick ups some days, but if you are full time, maybe something to bear in mind).

Original poster

Bunzanda · 24/02/2016 22:22

Im not able to work from home. Its full time shift work unfortunately, which she knows. So i currently share pick up/ drop off equally with cm. .she does 3 days a week on average. Tomorrow I'm doing school run then Fri, back to cm. So i guess im definitely doing my bit... its just that 2-3 days a month, i like some time to myself! Not a fan of loitering in the playground waiting during school run. Dd prefers me to pick her up too so double -guilt..
But your posts have made me feel less guilty.. i told cm i was unwell today when i picked up dd. She didn't seem too shocked that i was at home.

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Maryann1975 · 25/02/2016 14:58

Your situation is completly different from the child I look after then, as your dd already gets you to pick her up 2 out of 5 days, whereas the one I look after will know her mum is off work some days and would love to have Her mum pick her up occasionally, but the mum doesn't prioritise this. So disregard what I said and don't worry about it.

hookiewookie29 · 26/02/2016 22:58

I'm a CM and it doesn't bother me if parents have me time.
However you need to let your CM know just in case she needs to get hold of you in an emergency.
And do her a favour and pick up a bit earlier....most CM's don't gdt much me time.

LovelyFriend · 26/02/2016 23:03

It's absolutely brilliant- I love these stolen moments of me time. It's also great if I'm sick to just be by myself all day.

kathryng90 · 27/02/2016 13:20

I am a childminder. Honestly don't give a second thought if a parent mentions a day off and I still have the child. They pay me regardless. I do like to know purely so I know which contact number to use for an emergency. Nothing worse than ringing a parent at work with a query and being told oh they are on annual leave this week. I get your guilt too as if I have a rare day off I feel guilty for not bringing my children home for lunch! I totally get me time!

Imnotaslimjim · 27/02/2016 13:42

Its good to hear all you CMs that say you don't mind what the parents do with their time if you're being paid for a service

I had a CM that charged more than any of the others locally (only one that did collection from my school) but would only have the DCs if I was in work. If she found I'd had an unexpected day off but sent them anyway, she'd rant at me for ages that I was taking the mickey out of her!

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