Night Nanny for twins!!!!

[Wapping5225]

Hello!

My wife had twins (boy and girl) 4 weeks ago and we are really struggling to get any kind of sleep, especially at night (which, of course is to be expected!!!).

On most days we have help during the day from my wife?s mother but this is when the twins tend to be on their best behaviour!!! We have tried getting them into a routine - not letting them sleep too much during the day and feeding at 7pm, 11pm and then at 3am but they have been incredibly restless the past week and take ages to settle down and we simply don?t get even an hour or two to rest at any stage.

To compound things, our little girl has colic so is pretty much up all night.

Now that I?m back at work, my wife is awake pretty much round the clock and is reaching the point where if she doesn?t get a couple hours of sleep she might go mad!!!! I know that we shouldnt be expecting to get 8 hours sleep a night (oh, how I miss those nights!!!) but we need a few hours at least. we have tried sharing the responsibility of looking after the twins but as they are being largely breastfed this is proving difficult

Does anybody know where I can find a highly recommended nanny who would be willing to stay with us for 2-3 nights a week for a few weeks so that we can at least try and catch up on our sleep??

Four weeks of chronic sleep deprivation is really taking its toll!!!!

Thank you!

Have you tried childcare.co.uk?

I know you are back at work but really you should be taking the twins the second you walk through the door. You wife could then sleep until midnight just waking for feeds. If she can express you could do one feed each for the twins which would help. Our twins are 19 months now and still wake twice a night.

No sorry, but just wanted to say a routine with twins is easier to establish around 8 weeks. Right now feeding is entirely on their terms. My twins are 14 weeks and only just managing 10-4/5. Some nights they can be unsettled so I put them in their rocking chairs and let them sleep in there. It will get better!

A night nanny sounds ideal, hope you find one soon

Just a little thing that struck me - you dont let them sleep.much in the day - ive foubd at this age it is counter productive and good sleep in the day = good sleep at night. At four weeks old id be aiming for them sleeping 30 mins max after they last woke

I had one ds with a milk allergy and tongue tie who didn't sleep which was hard, but two must be hard hard work.

I agree with your wife sleeping in the evenings and even in the day while your mil is there.

I agree also that more day sleep helps with more night sleep. It's a mistake I made!

My mum breastfed twins, and she managed 6 weeks before going to mix feeding. My dad could do one bottle a day and it helped her sanity!

Good luck!

I'm sorry I can't help with your actual question, but I do think they're very young to be cutting down day time sleeps and feeding to a routine. I think that if you follow their lead ( and I speak as a Mum of twins) they are likely to settle in to their own routine before too long.

Congrats on your new arrivals!
I would send in what penny has said in that they need much more sleep during the day!
Also, 4 weeks sounds very young to have colic. It usually starts a but further down the line. Has she been checked for tongue tie?? Tt can have a lot of the same symptoms but she might not be feeding very efficiently and therefore will want fedung very frequently

I'd completely disagree with cutting down on the daytime sleeps. I've never found that it made any different at all to the nighttime ones and you just end up with cranky, overtired babies during the day.

Night nanny sounds like a great idea. Where do you live? There are lots of very area specific local parenting websites around London where you'll get recommendations.

In the meantime, I would let your wife do the 7pm feed, have a couple of hours together jiggling the babies, she then goes to bed at 9am, you do the last feed at 11 (with formula if necessary), then at least she'll get a few hours sleep.

My twins are 14 weeks and I really don't think you should cut down on daytime sleeps, mine are much worse in the night if they haven't slept much in the day.

It does get easier although you do get a growth spurt every couple of weeks which my boys are going through now, back to feeding every 3 hours day and night. I have no help with the twins from family etc and my dh works away half the week so I know how sleep deprived you must both be.

Thanks everyone!

We've been in two minds as to whether or not our baby girl has colic - from about 9pm to 6am she makes constant growling noises and sounds as if she's in pain but when we check on her she seems perfectly content! The doctor told us that it?s probably colic so we have been going along with that but she hasn?t been screaming through the early hours which I understand is one of the symptoms!! She is also a nightmare to wind after feeding and has a habit of bringing her food straight back up. To be fair, it sounds a little like reflux (from what ive read) but my wifes taking her back to the doctors later today so hopefully things will be a little clearer.

And it sounds as if our expectations about getting them into a routine have been a little ambitious but we will persevere

Fortunately I dont work to far from home so get back around 5.30pm. I'll take the children and let my wife catch up on her sleep.....even I don't mind be driven nuts for a few hours if they are restless!!!

Definitely more sleep - my great midwife told me two things

1. You're not in charge - go with the flow
2. Sleep begets sleep

Congrats

Second the advice about not cutting down on daytime naps. Perhaps try to avoid naps after 4ish though, but not at the cost of having an overtired, screaming baby.

It doesn't sound like colic. My four month old was very squirming and a little refluxy. The advice is to hold them as upright as you can during feeding and then for half an hour or so afterwards. Don't get wound up about it because it passes quickly.

My baby (and I'm not breast feeding so it's easier) started sleeping a seven hour stretch at about eleven weeks. They say about 12 pounds is the time when it should definitely be possible. When we were sure he was big enough, we simply offered water and a dummy in the night. He woke up for tat on two more occasions and that was it.

This does get a lot easier quite soon. I can't imagine the challenges with twins but at the end of the day it does improve.

I think you should probably be doing everything when you're at home apart from perhaps 12-6am if you're having to work the next day. Your wife really needs support and will still be so vulnerable. She also should have time to rest to allow her milk supplies to be built up. When she's off duty, try to take the babies somewhere that she can't hear them, with her permission. Lying listening to your baby's wail is not restful! However, it may be counter-productive to try and get the babies to go for a longer stretch during this period, as they will simply need to feed more later on as a result. You could be doing baths during this time as well perhaps and make some sandwiches for the next day so your DW can eat properly without having to prepare it.

I would also suggest that you make a point of having the babies up and feeding by 6 or 7am at the latest. Your goal is to get as many calories as possible in during daylight hours so you need to start early. Something we have also learnt to do is to make sure our baby is properly awake for his last feed at about 11pm. We turn the lights on, take his nappy and baby gro off so he kicks etc. Good luck!

Definitely don't cut down on daytime naps in order to promote night-time sleep. My DTs slept brilliantly during the day and it gave me the opportunity to catch up on much-needed sleep - 2 hours at lunchtime was a life-saver in the early months. When DD1 was a baby she napped on me, in a sling, or in her buggy when we were out and about, but with the DTs, I was a firm believer in the 'when they sleep, you sleep' mantra. Fortunately, DD1 was also still napping at this point (she was only 20 months when the DTs were born), so I'd get all three off and then go straight to bed until the first one woke up. I could eat when they were awake, but I couldn't sleep, so that was my priority .

If you're in London (and from your username, I think you might be), I may have a recommendation for you... We used a fantastic lady called Shelly, who I think I've found, purely by chance, on LinkedIn. here's a link to her profile. We coped for about 6 months, then she came and did a whole week with us, which just about saved our sanity.

It is incredibly hard - I do sympathise with you both. But huge congratulations on your twins, and remember the much-used mantra 'This too shall pass'. It does get easier, I promise .

One of my twins was exactly as you describe grunting and groaning in the nights and he has reflux. We are formula feeding and changed to comfort milk which made a massive difference.

Only now at 14 weeks are we starting to implement a night time routine and its hit and miss tbh.

Thanks all (and thanks tkband3 for the link). Starting to feel optimistic again though I know it will be a long road!!! I know it will all improve slowly but at 4am when you?ve been awake the best part of 20 hours it certainly doesn?t seem like it!!! Buts its reassuring to know that we arent alone in all this!

One further suggestion, which may be dismissed by some as a bit 'woo' but which worked for us... Cranial osteopathy can help babies with colic/reflux and can also help to settle babies who are struggling because of difficult births. My eldest had quite a traumatic entry into the world and from 6 weeks or so had cranial osteopathy which helped to settle her, particularly at night. It was then specifically recommended to me for my twins because they'd been squashed up together in the womb for 9 months.

The Osteopathic Centre for Children is good, but there's often a waiting list. If you're interested, PM me and I'll give you details of the osteopath I used to go to.

I know a good night nanny possibly if you are in London - pm me if you'd like details

def get a night nanny (thats what i am) but im fully booked till jan 2015

costly but soooooooooooo worth it for sanity and sleep

where are you? someone on mn be able to help or advise good agencies in your area

she will get your babies into a routine, essential for twins and advise daytime/feeds/sleeps

sleep breeds sleep tho also can have too much, new babies can roughly survive 2hrs after waking before wanting a sleep

however bad a night you have had always start the day at 7 and get back into sinc

rough sleep at their age 830/10 12.30/2.30 - and nap 4/5 but no later then 5, start bedtime 6ish and put down by 7, sounds like you are doing 4hr feeds with 7 11 3, so well done

can mum express a feed or do formula one feed to aid her rest

sounds like reflex rather then colic, but have you tried drops/gripe water, or talk to gp and possibly try gavisicon, mix and feed before BF

i always advise swaddling so do this is you arent at bedtime, startle reflex wakes them up

ditto cranial, some believe, some dont but seems to work well with twins, esp if had a c section/von birth as the pressure on their head can sometimes effect their behaviour

always worth a try :)

Night nanny saved my sanity with newborn twins (single parent) - would def recommend if you are able to afford it
I found mine through a local agency - am not in London, I would just google nanny agencies, am sure you'll find someone (childcare.co.uk also good but I found it easier, if a little more expensive, to go via an agency as they did all the initial legwork)
Good luck!

We've been to see the doctor and he has confirmed that our baby daughter has reflux which would explain the load grunting noises that she makes all throughout the night!!!

Last night I took charge of the twins when I got back from work so my wife could get a few hours sleep. You need to be an octopus to manage both at the same time but after three hours I managed to settle um down and for the first time since the twins arrived a month ago my wife got more than 2 hours sleep!!!

We will definitely look into getting a night nanny for a few nights a week so we can recharge our batteries!!!!

It is so difficult! My boy/girl twins are 4 years old now and the first year was a bit of a blur.

Mine slept better in the day at that age and we also had colic to deal with. You have my sympathies!

Also, as mentioned above we changed to formula milk which helped. As we bottle fed/expressed my husband was able to share the feeds- taking it in turns at first then splitting the night so he would do first half then I would do the second half- this worked best as he had to get up early for work. Ours were terrible sleepers and waking every 2 hours for a feed for a long time, so we ended up co-sleeping when they were 7 months.

It will get better eventually!

At least now you know she has reflux I am guessing silent reflux as she isn't being sick, silent reflux isn't very nice they get a double burn as it comes up n goes back down - I have an 11mth old ds with it and also loads experience as a children nurse and maternity night nanny but can say until you experience it as a parent you don't truely know how tough silent reflux is.

Make sure she gets the right meds if gp won't prescribe ask for paed referral and tilt the crib under head end with a book under each leg don't put anything under mattress.

I am guessing from previous post your in London but if you are in east Midlands area I could perhaps recommend someone.

Good luck it does get easier but sometimes I agree at 4am with little sleep it doesn't always feel like it.

Agree reflux is totally tough / caring for a little one that has it at the moment :(

Silent reflux always confuses people as its not silent - baby is in pain hence crying squirming grunting etc - gawd knows why it is called that - but yes is usually silent if not sick

What area are you and we may be able to help do stop someone or a good agency to use

My suggestion is if you can't find a night nanny maybe a nanny from 8am till lunchtime 2/3 times a week. It would mean your DW knew she had help coming after long nights and could either stay in bed for longer or have a peaceful bath plus any jobs she wanted doing etc. As a new mum I really valued time to myself rare though it was and found it quite revitalising. A friend with twins had a similar arrangement and a bit later on it allowed her to her to spend time with each twin separately or do the ironing / design a friends wedding invite etc