Daytime naps

[MintTeaForMe]

Our DS is 2.7 yo. We'd like to drop his lunchtime nap (currently an hour) because when he has it he doesn't go to sleep at night before 9.30 / 10pm. My DH and I both work and TBH we'd prefer bedtime to be a little earlier, especially on weekdays. DS's nanny isn't keen. I understand her point of view - who wouldn't want their charge to nap during the day, especially if you aren't around at bedtime to deal with the consequences! - but I can't help thinking it's not good for us or DS to be going to bed so late. He manages fine without a nap with us on the weekend by the way - but then if he really needs sleep he does doze off in his buggy or in the car, which is no good for our nanny, who likes to have a break in the middle of the day at home. Are there any nannies out there or parents with experience of a similar situation who can advise? Thanks in advance.

It comes with the job, children grow they won't always nap so nanny should understand this.

When children I've nannied for have dropped naps they've had quiet time so that I can do nursery duties and have a break myself. Depending on child they may have a half hour or so of TV as well. Maybe say that you don't expect him to be entertained but his naps need to stop especially if he does fine at weekend.

I'm not sure the nanny gets to make the decision about your son as to whether he naps or not, especially if it impacts on you at night time.
Just explain to her what you've said here and tell her that as if Monday, you don't want him to have a nap. Obviously if you are happy with it then say he can have 30 mins of TV so she will still get her break in a way.

I'm sure she does want her hour of peace but not if it impacts on your evening and esp if doesn't have one at weekends and manages to cope

Children normally have quiet time if they give up their nap - ie tv - reading a book quietly - or quiet play etc

Working 10/11/12hrs a day is tiring without a break so your nanny still needs a break /sit down /cuppa etc

It is good for children to play by theirselves for a little while

If sleeping all week days he may need to have a sleep /rest every few days just till body gets used to it

As a nanny I feel that changes to routines happens quite a bit as children get older. By 2.7 many of my charges have dropped naps themselves, though may nap on a car journey especially after doing an activity like swimming, trampolining, gymnastics which tires them out.

You are the boss so you can tell your nanny what you want to happen. Nanny might ignore you but they must realise that dropping naps is going to happen eventually.

Cindy34 is right. You are her boss. Tell her that you do not want him to have a day time nap anymore. He's your child and you get to say what is best for both him and you.

If she ignores you then I would consider that misconduct and give her a warning. Most of my employers have given me free rein with my charges and I do what I think is best for the children. However if my boss wanted me to do something differently I would of course do as instructed!! She pays my wages, they are her children and I do as I am told. If I don't like it, I look for a new job.

She should of course get a break but your son could go to his room to read or play quietly for 30-60 minutes and others have said, watch 30 minutes of tv/DVD while nanny has lunch and clears up.

Of course it is your call. The only caution I would add is that children often struggle to get to sleep at night because they are overtired and find it harder to wind down. Dropping daytime naps suddenly often has the opposite effect to what you would want, and you find that they struggle to get to sleep or wake in the night. I'd suggest shortening daytime naps gradually rather than just cutting them out suddenly. In my experience, toddlers often go from having two naps to an afternoon nap only which we gradually shorten until it disappears naturally. Some children are still having daytime naps at 3 or 4 years old with no adverse impact on their sleep at night. It can also be counter productive if a little one is so tired by teatime that they do not really get enough to eat and then they wake up half way through the night because they are hungry.

We had a similar problem at nursery, DS2 was having a two hour nap at nursery and then not going to bed until 10pm and then consequently didn't want to get up the next morning.
All of my three dropped their naps at 2.5, there's very few children who are still napping by three. In fact the only one I know goes to bed fairly early, but is up at 5am every morning (shiver)....

She's your employee, just remind her on Monday that you have dropped his nap (but its fine if he falls asleep in the buggy or car). But he must not be put down for a nap. I'd suggest 30 mins of TV too so she can have some lunch etc. If you had more than one child, its unlikely she would get a break in the middle of the day anyway.

I'm a nanny. When my boss tells me to do something I do it. I may question why (in my nature alas) but I do it regardless.
I've found that quite often children need putting down for a nap every few days at first, but again if you said not to I wouldn't. Just tell her that you no longer want him to nap.

Fwiw I rarely get a break. I use any nap time to cook etc. So quite frankly she's lucky to get to sit down.

Just tell her.
Its totally up to you as his parent ho decide his routine and as her employer your nanny's routine too.

Thanks all for your opinions - the consensus seems to be that she should be making more of an effort to help us to drop the lunchtime nap. I suppose I haven't made a big deal about it yet because the change in DS's sleep pattern has happened quite recently (and quickly) but also because I do feel for her (DS has A LOT of energy) and I suppose she's just used to having a break! Anyway, I'll address this with her on Monday: as a lot of you have pointed out, we are paying her to do the job and she should be aware that children do change!

Sorry, one more question - do 2.7 yo children understand what 'quiet time' is? DS is just about getting used to playing on his own but I don't think he could do it or an hour! Thanks again

All my charges by 18 months have understood quiet time, I build up from one year by 3 they would be able to occupy themselves for an hour.

When I first start I do play one on one for five minutes then they play by themselves for five minutes and every week add another five minutes until up to specified time. Usually I have a snack or TV time at end if they have good alone time.

Other thing is when I have multiple siblings up is to set up individual stations eg a mat or sofa, they can choose fav toys and books and spend quiet time there. This worked well for my four under five nanny family, oldest three were energetic boys and I wouldn't have got any nursery duties done in my 13 hour work day.

It's great listening to their play when they are alone, very imaginative.

I was going to say what jinxxx said
My own 2 boys still napped for an hour/or so after lunch, till they started Reception Class at (September babies) 5yrs old, and (yes I appreciate I was possibly lucky with that) went to bed and slept at 7pm..
No stealth boasting, it was their/my routine, simple as that.

Yes a 2.7month could understand quiet time, if it's presented to them in a suitable way, for example popping on some chill out music, and just getting out quieter toys, drawing, reading, jigsaws, tv (if your happy with that) maybe close curtains to, or dim lights.

If this is a new concept to your Dc then they nay not manage 60mins like this, but in the absence of a nap it's vital they get some downtime, nit just for nanny but the child too, they need to recharge their batteries.

Taking slightly diff view, could it be that DC is over-tired? I have a 3 yr old who 3/4 times a week will ask for a nap, if I try keep term awake parents often note how hyper active they become at 7ish.

Worth knowing less sleep in day doesn't always equate to more sleep at night.

That being said he is at an age when naps become less...talk it out with nanny and come up with a plan together x

I agree with some that children can't get off to sleep because they're too tired. Some of my mindees give up naps early, some are still napping close to school age. It really depends on the child, but there was some recent research about lack of daytime sleep being bad for children (sorry I don't have the link handy).

Thanks all. We're on day three of no lunchtime nap now and I'm glad we persevered. DS has been going to sleep as soon as he's put down in the evening (earliest was 6.45pm, latest 7.30), and wakes up around 7.30 in the morning. No nighttime waking either. He is shattered by the time he goes to sleep but I overall he's getting more sleep than he had when he had the lunchtime nap (12 hours now, rather than 10 and a half). This is not an attempt to contradict your advice jinxxx and anewyear but I just thought I'd say what our experience has been in case any one else in a similar position comes across this thread. Re quiet time: we will work on this! Thanks again.

glad he is sleeping better now :)

also lucky as all my charges have slept well, like jinxxx - i believe sleep breeds sleep and they get overtired :)

Glad you are making progress.

Both my 2 went through phases of needing a nap some days though. They'd get through a day or 2 without and then flake out. And one of them dropped naps completely for about 3 months and then went back to napping every day in his cot for a bit. So play it by ear - I wouldn't want to insist absolutely no naps ever again, because he might need the odd one here and there still.

Hello OP, I have a DS aged 2.6 too. We dropped naps about 4 months ago although he will still nap once a week when very tired e.g. if he had a bad night. He still naps in the car fairly frequently for 15 mins or so. It has been really positive in terms of bedtime. I was a little shocked by your nanny' s attitude to be honest.

Every child is of course different- just want to emphasise importance of down time though. I find as a CM if a parent wants a child to skip nap then the only way mu current children could do this happily, is if they had 30/40 mins of lying down in dimly light room with some lullabies on. Otherwise it gets to 4pm and there are tantrums, crying, hitting on another, despite children going to bed at 7.45 perfectly , they are miserable for 4hrs!

(This may go someway to explaining nannies anti-sleep attitudes, especially pre 2.8/9yrs)

Dropping the nap won't necessarily mean they will happily drop off to sleep earlier in the evening though. What is more likely is they will be overtired and that has it's own problems. What time do you and your DH get home? Our daughter always wanted to stay up late if we got back late, regardless of whether she had napped or not during the day.

I think Mimi has a great point, children are wonderful at knowing which buttons to press when it comes to their parents- I often wander when my parents mention to me about difficulty at bed time, whether child is messing around because they haven't seen their parents for 10/11/12 hrs that day and just want a bit if extra attention! (Understandable!)

Also children behave very differently towards parents as they do nanny, CM, nursery nurse...they may be asleep within 2mins for us, but could take you 60mins, despite how tired they are! So if nanny isn't convinced about dropping sleep, don't assume it's just because they want a break, it may be that the child sleeps so easily, they must need it.

Yes yes to downtime - DS has played in his bedroom with soft toys, books, puzzles and has watched tv every afternoon. I don't think it would have been possible without that to get him through to bedtime otherwise. I am waiting for him to show signs of needing a nap now that we are a few days in (would be nice for us and our nanny) so fingers crossed! AMI88 great idea about a darkened room with lullabies.
Looking back I am a bit pissed off at nanny's refusal to consider dropping the nap. For various reasons it's been me looking after DS every afternoon this week rather than nanny, hence these changes have been put in place. Let's see if she continues with them next week!