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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Am I being annoying?

32 replies

crikeybill · 08/10/2013 14:14

Ds started with a childminder two months ago for three days a week. I still send a daily text asking if he is ok, any problems etc. The messages back are getting shorter and today was just a " he's ok ".
Im not checking up on her. I trust her completely she comes well recommended and I know several mums from school who have used her. Because she collects ftom my older child's school I have seen her in action so I know she's fab.

I suppose im just sitting here wondering how my boy is and what he's doing. I don't want to piss her off though. Is it not the done thing ? Ive never used a cm before should I stop the daily text is it annoying ?

OP posts:

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Blondeshavemorefun · 08/10/2013 14:22

Tbh I'm sure you already are annoying (sorry)

Your cm should do you a basic diary of dc day so you know what they are doing

I did a mum on a regular basis as a nanny and she drove me insane texting every day 2/3 times to ask if everything was ok and what we were doing. Wa in the summer so text 1 was normally - at park/ in garden all fine - text 2 lunchtime - my reply - all fine having lunch and 3rd at 5pm and asking was all ok

If every mum in her care texted all the time and cm sent long replies she would never spend anytime playing with the children

If your son is happy there and settled then don't worry - all is fine :)

What she could do as I do - is send emails with pics on them of what she is doing with the children

Bonkerz · 08/10/2013 14:23

I'm a childminder and have parents who need this level of contact during the day. I am happy to send photos via wassap or via inbox on Facebook and happy to reply to texts but sometimes I'm too busy to reply straight away. I explain this to parents. I do a daily contact book too and send photos home regularly. Talk to your CM and see if there is a best time to text..........

NickNacks · 08/10/2013 14:23

Hmm yes that is quite annoying after such a long time. Can't you assume he's ok unless you hear otherwise?

Sorry that seems harsh but if all my parents text or phoned my every day I'd get nothing done and it takes me away from the children. Does she do a diary so you can see how he's been that day?

TobyLerone · 08/10/2013 14:24

I'm not a childminder but that would drive me insane.

She'll let you know if there's something wrong. Otherwise you can assume he's fine. Anything else looks like checking up on her, regardless of what you say.

Dogonabeanbag · 08/10/2013 14:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

crikeybill · 08/10/2013 14:38

I thought i probably was being annoying I just miss him :(

Ok fair enough i will stop. Your quite right she would text me if there was a problem. She doesn't do a daily diary we just tend to have a chat when I pick him up. Sometimes she has taken pics on her phone and she shows me them.
Thanks.

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/10/2013 15:10

I thought cm had to do a daily diary for ofsted requirements ?

Course you miss him but sure he is having fun and better that then him upset and crying /missing you

Tanith · 08/10/2013 15:38

No requirement for a daily diary. The only requirement I've heard of (and can't find written anywhere because they change their minds so often!) is that under 2s used to have a food diary. And accident reports, of course.

It's supposed to be up to us how we communicate with parents: some like a diary; others would never look at it and prefer a verbal handover.

grabaspoon · 08/10/2013 15:40

So basically since he has started you have texted around 36 times checking he's ok [that's if hes been 3 days a week for the past 3 months] I can see why she's not so detailed now

HSMMaCM · 08/10/2013 16:37

I send parents texts during settling in and if I know they have had a difficult morning. Parents occasionally text me, but you can guarantee I will be half way through changing a nappy, driving the car, or whatever and can't reply (and then might forget).

Yerazig · 08/10/2013 16:41

I'm a nanny my current boss was like that at the start to understaable. But two months later and in her case being a cm looking after more children more stuff to do. As others have said I'm sure she's finding it abit annoying now sorry.

Original poster

crikeybill · 08/10/2013 17:22

grabaspoon if that equates to once a day then yes I guess so. I don't text more than that. Just a hi hows things or hows it going type text.

Just collected him and asked her if I was being annoying with the texts. She laughed and said not at all but there was never really anything to report as he's so easy.
I have said I will leave her to it as I know he's fine and happy. Don't want to drive her mad.

OP posts:

ReetPetit · 08/10/2013 22:14

omg - I couldn't cope with this. surprised she hasn't given notice tbh.
are you a terribly anxious person??
and why are you sitting around thinking about what he is doing all day - I assume you have a childminder as you have work to do?

scarlettsmummy2 · 08/10/2013 22:17

I only text if I am worried my daughter is coming down with something! The rest of the time I am trying to cram a full time job into part time hours so no time to text!

awwwwmannnn · 08/10/2013 22:41

my DD (2.11) is with a CM 4 days a week - i send a little text in my lunch hour just saying "hey how's my little munchkin", not checking up or anything, i just want to know how she is. TBH if i text late my CM will text me saying what's been going on etc

she is my daughter and because she's with a CM does this mean that i am supposed to not think about her or just wonder if she's ok, what she's up to???

if it makes you feel better sending the text do it - CM is happy with you doing it, so what's the harm x

Original poster

crikeybill · 09/10/2013 11:43

No I'm not a particularly anxious person at all actually reetpetit. I'm a grown woman with a two year old that I miss so send a quick how's things text like the pp said.

Yes I work very hard for the NHS but I'm not a machine and gasp...shock horror...I still find time to think about my boy during the day.
I've already spoke to my cm last night and she was fine with it as you would have read.

OP posts:

fivesacrowd · 09/10/2013 12:34

I'm a cm, I do a daily diary with photos, but i also txt parents through the day at least once, more if they've had any concerns about their dc when they've dropped off, it takes seconds to send a photo or txt, let's them know lo's are fine and tbh it's what I'd expect if my dc were with a cm. Some days are really hectic and I forget to txt or to reply but it's not a chore and it certainly doesn't impact on the time I spend caring for the children.

HappyAsEyeAm · 09/10/2013 13:10

I am really surprised at the responses you're getting here OP.

I would think that a text, once a day, to a childminder that knows you well, to ask how your baby is, is quite acceptable and to be expected.

We have a nanny for our DC, and although I've not felt that I need to send a text, I certainly woudl if I wanted to. And if that was once a day (it is just the once! Its hardly haranguing the CM) then I would think that was ok.

And by the sounds of it, your CM thinks so too.

HSMMaCM · 09/10/2013 14:08

I've had several text chats with a parent today, because her son is on his first day of toilet training. It has been nice for her to be able to celebrate his success with me as the day's gone along. I have not sent any texts to the other families.

Maryann1975 · 09/10/2013 14:17

There is no requirement for cm or nurseries or anyone else following the eyfs to do a daily diary or food diary. Cm are expected to communicate with parents and other settings but this can be done verbally and doesn't need to be written down anywhere.

As a cm I would probably be getting a bit fed up with daily texts. I generally don't bother or forget to text friends and family back, as I hate texting, so I can't imagine I would appreciate texting a parent back. And as a parent, if I text and didn't get a reply I would fear the worst and wonder what the problem was. I hate being away from my children and want to know exactly what they are doing all the time, but I have learnt over time this isn't possible (they are at school now) and I rarely have any contact with the teachers.
If your cm is truly ok with it and it works for you both then it's really no one else's business.

eastmidlandsnightnanny · 10/10/2013 13:41

I only text if I know he was unsettled at drop off or has been unwell like recently we had some issues with urine retention and gp was considering referral to urology - he wasnt unwell in himself just struggling to PU and I text to check he had done a wee by lunchtime otherwise I was going to have to consider my options otherwise I let her get on with it, sometimes she texts to say had a nice time doing x,y and z but not everyday.

minderjinx · 10/10/2013 13:59

Maybe it's a generation thing. I don't like texting and for me it is a chore. I don't even use my phone much, and see it more as something to have with me for emergencies, rather than something that is permanently glued to my ear. I am happy to have a chat about the day at the end of the day, and would of course get in touch in an emergency, but texting to say all is exactly as you would hope it would be would seem a bit pointless once the early settling in days were over.

grumpalumpgrumped · 11/10/2013 21:10

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I manage a nursery and have 2 mums that call everyday to see how their child is and they have been going for 3 years. Did have to ask one of them to liaise with dad though as they both used to call (they were together)

Ihatepeas · 11/10/2013 21:57

I have worked in nursery and as a nanny and it wouldn't bother me in the slightest! In fact I had a parent at the nursery who called twice a day every day!

I don't understand the harsh responses you are getting!!

I think you are lovely that you miss your little one and I think it's perfectly understandable!

FlorenceMattell · 11/10/2013 23:06

Agree, harsh on OP. I'm a nanny so only one parent, but happy for mum to phone or text each day. Normal to miss them and wonder what they are doing.

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