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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Did your DC come into hospital to meet their new sibling?

50 replies

Pinkjenny · 10/11/2009 11:00

Just pondering what the best thing to do is, and as I have no siblings, and therefore no frame of reference, I'm wondering what the majority do.

Dd is 2.6, her ds is due next month, and being delivered by ELCS. She is a reasonably clingy child, and I am wondering whether it would be better to:

a) wait until I come home for her to see ds, so probably stay with my mum for two days, if I stay in for the same period as last time (she has only been away from me for 4 nights and we still cosleep )

b) let her come into the hospital and run the risk of her getting really upset when she has to 'leave me' there, iyswim.

I am, perhaps, overthinking this, but just wondering what most people do.

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Original poster

Pinkjenny · 10/11/2009 11:00

Or even my ds. Not her ds. That would be weird.

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displayuntilbestbefore · 10/11/2009 11:05

I would definitely have your dd come in to meet her little brother.
my dcs came in to visit me when I had new babies and in case of ds1, we made sure he was the first person to come and meet baby brother. He was staying with GPs while I was in hospital in labour and then once I'd had ds2, gps brought him to hospital and dh met him in car park and brought him up to see us so he was the very first to see ds2 and had time to get accustomed to his new brother. It worked really well. The GPs then came up and sat with us all then ds1 went back with them for a funfilled afternoon and wasn't at all funny about leaving me in the hospital because he had too many fun plans with his Grandpa in store!

colditz · 10/11/2009 11:06

yes, and ds2's very first meal was nearly a Walker's French Fry.

Ds1 is a sharing little boy.

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 10/11/2009 11:07

colditz

Perhaps I am being a touch neurotic about it. Which is really strange, because usually I'm only neurotic 99.9% of the time

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deepdarkwood · 10/11/2009 11:11

ds came into visit when dd was born - he was very excited at the whole hospital thing,and thrilled to meet his new sister (& the dumper truck she'd bought him

Personally, I took the approach that keeping things as normal as possible (rather than 'banishing' the older one off) might help lessen any sense of 'we don't want you around now we've got this adorable screaming bundle'. Like displayuntilbestbefore, we made sure that he had something exciting to go onto once he left the hospital, in case he felt he wanted to stay with me. Which he didn't

Allets · 10/11/2009 11:16

I think you are more likely to run into problems if your older child arrives home from a few days with Grandma and Grandad to find their homelife totally up-ended with the arrival of a new baby.

They will meet their new sibling, go away, have time to digest the change and then everybody goes home together.

With our three we made a huge fuss of a family homecoming. Everybody together, no visitors and just a week or so to allow ourselves time to settle into a new dynamic.

Try not to fret. One thing that constantly amazes me with my lot, is how resilient and adaptable they are.

phdlife · 10/11/2009 11:17

hi, my ds was also very clingy, and we had only recently stopped co-sleeping.

I guess he came into hospital the day dd was born, but I can't remember it. He def came the next day which happened to be his 2nd birthday, for presents and cake. He could not have been sweeter. I think on my profile there might be a pic of him showing dd his new Dora book.

I had been v stressed about it PinkJenny, esp as ds has always refused to go to bed for dh before and since. Of course he was an angel at the time.

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 10/11/2009 11:17

Thanks Allets, that's a really reassuring post. I am sure I will spend the next twenty years shouting, "Do you know how much I would have LOVED a brother/sister?!!!"

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bigTillyMint · 10/11/2009 11:18

Yes, and she was thrilled, wanted to hold him, etc (and she was only 19mths, but she seemed so big and grown up)

Seems like a million years ago now

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 10/11/2009 11:18

at phdlife's picture showing his sister his Makka Pakka.

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displayuntilbestbefore · 10/11/2009 11:20

my ds1 came to the shops with me when I was pregnant and chose a soft toy for his new baby sibling so when he came to hospital to meet ds2, he brought it with him to give to him - made it really special (and when he got home, he found little brother had got him a playhouse as a big brother present)

WowOoo · 10/11/2009 11:21

I let my ds1 come in to meet his little brother.

He was very very shocked - prob felt quite rejected at all the fuss over this small thing.

It wasn't the love-in that I'd hoped for. But still glad we did as we can talk about it now.

(the moodiness lasted about a fortnight and he's now a fab older brother)

DaisymooSteiner · 10/11/2009 11:21

They're not actually allowed in at the moment where I work because of the risk of spreading swine flu. So it may be an academic question depending on your hospital's current rules.

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 10/11/2009 11:22

Yes, Daisymoo, I did wonder whether that would be the case come December.

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phdlife · 10/11/2009 11:29

it made us all snivel too!

pippylongstockings · 10/11/2009 11:40

A vote here for them coming in to see you - otherwise it is a bit of an odd thing that you vanish for a few days then turn up at home with new baby.

My DS1 was 23 months old when DS2 arrived, as I was whisked away in an ambulance blue lights a flashing - he was most excited to see if that was still at the hospital not his baby brother at all!

TuttiFrutti · 10/11/2009 11:49

Only you know your child, so only you can really judge what would be least stressful for all concerned.

Unlike many posters on this thread, we decided not to bring my ds to the hospital and I think it was the right decision for us. Our reasons: (1) ds was only 21 months and too young to understand about why his mummy needed to be in a hospital, (2) he was very prone to tantrums and we thought he would scream the place down when it was time to leave.

suiledonne · 10/11/2009 11:52

DD1 was 2.5 when dd2 was born. We are co-sleeping too and I had hardly ever left her. Unfortunately I had high bp and had a few hospital stays before the birth. DD was upset leaving me there but when she came to visit dd2 she got a present of a doll she wanted so went home happily enough.

She came back the next day with DH to bring us home and it was lovely. She was so proud to be taking her new baby sister home.

I was watching a programme with a child psychologist last night and he said he would recommended having the older child come to bring baby home or be at home when the baby arrives if possible rather than coming home to find the baby in his/her place.

Best of luck.

WhiteRoses · 10/11/2009 18:35

Hi,

I'm not a mum (yet!) so can only speak from my experience as a big sister to my two siblings.

My earliest memory is going into the hospital to meet my brother (I was two). I was a little clingy, as my parents and I had just emigrated about a month earlier and things were already very strange for me. I was very excited about meeting the new baby (having previously told my mum to "spit out", when she told me my new brother/sister was in her tummy!) After the baby came home, I was a little out of sorts and on a few occassions, asked my mum to "give the baby to Daddy". She did that, and made sure I didn't feel left out and I was soon fine, by all accounts.

When my sister was born, I was seven. I'd been very involved in my mum's pregnancy, even attending the scan with her. I'd bought the baby a stuffed toy when my mum was only three months pregnant and I couldn't wait to give it to her. After my dad, I was the first to see my sister, when she was just a few hours old and I gave her her toy. Mum had also kept my sister so I could give her her first bath (though she'd obviously been cleaned up a lot). The two of them had to stay in hospital for about a week and my dad picked me up from school every day and we spent all evening at the hospital before getting takeaways on our way home. On the day that they were discharged, I was taken out of school at lunchtime just so I could go and help pick them up. Far from being clingy with my mum, I was gutted to learn she (and not my new sister!) would be in the back of the car with me on the way home!

If I were in your shoes, I'd definitely involve your DD as much as possible. Having said that, you know your DD best! Good luck anyway!

ilovesprouts · 10/11/2009 18:40

oh yes both my dcs came to see there little brother !! infact dd was out side the theatre when he was born and she held him first !!

ihatemyjob · 10/11/2009 18:41

no. It was really annoying as all visitors were banned except husbands/partners cos of an outbreak of the parva virus (sp?). We thought it would be ok to take new baby to coffee shop to meet his sibling (I was there for 4 days cos of cs) and got told off and made to go back so we looked at each other through a glass door.

On the up side is has not affected their relationship at all.

nappyzonecantrunfortoffee · 10/11/2009 18:42

I was adamant dd would be first visitor to meet her new brother, then the gps trudged in shortly after. I wasnt intending on staying overnight but had too, dd was a bit freaked abuot needles n stuff so had drips removed b4 she came in though she was still dubious about coming close coz the catheter thing was still hanging out my hand . All good fun.

pointydogg · 10/11/2009 18:53

no, but only because I went home the very next day.

flybynight · 10/11/2009 20:11

Oh yes! When dd was born, my two boys (then 19 months and 35 months) were in a couple of hours later.

My eldest is mildly autistic and we wondered what his take would be as he was still non-verbal then but he was enchanted, as if it was the best gift we could have given him. He tucked her in and stroked her brow, so, so gently. Makes me well up just thinking about it.

DS2 was furious though. Even though we had "gifts from the baby" ready and waiting. Sigh!

Original poster

Pinkjenny · 11/11/2009 09:19

flybynight - your post made me laugh. "DS2 was furious though".

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