Has anyone had a male midwife at their birth? Dilema!

[NorktasticNinja]

I'm not at all happy with my current midwife practice, mainly because all 4 midwives are very young and inexperienced. Also none are prepared to participate in a water birth (although they are happy for me to use the pool during labour). I used the same practice during my last pregnancy and birth and during my last labour the midwife hoiked me out of the pool and forced me to push long before I had the urge just because I was 10cm. As a result I was exhausted by the time I did get the urge to push (3/4 hour later) and had to go to hospital for a ventouse delivery. That hasn't done much to increase my trust in them at all.

So, I've found another relatively local practice where the midwives are more experienced and will do water births, BUT one of the 3 is a man. I'm really not sure how I feel about having a male midwife at the birth, there's only a 1 in 3 chance he'll attend the birth but still...

Does anyone have any experience with birthing with a male midwife? Was it OK? I can't help thinking I'm probably being a bit daft

You are being daft, I had two and one was male and believe me when it gets to crunch time you won't care.

Believe me, you won't care.

When I had my youngest there were 2 male doctors in the room as well as several female staff and I was unconcerned my backside was bare.

I don't really see the difference- he's doing a job, not getting a look at your fanny to have a wank. Sorry if that's a bit blunt, but ffs.

As for inexperienced midwives.... they have to deliver lOADS of babies as part of their training.

Are you nervous about your labour? I can understand that, but don't project it onto the midwifery staff helping you through it.

I wish you all the best

Echo the others who say you won't give two hoots at the time. I had a chap deliver my second and he was great.

Had a male midwife for a little bit of aftercare, not for birth itself and was fine. My Community MW says she has got a male student working with her this term (haven't seen him as CMW has been off sick). She says he is amazing and has already had a baby named after him though he hasn't finished his training.

For me it's not an issue - and I would say that a man who has found a role in a female dominated profession is quite likely to be something special (as women in male dominated jobs often are too)

TBH when in labour I doubt I would care less who was looking after me as long as they do it properly.

I agree with mrsgboring - a man in such a female-dominant role is likely to be doing it for the love of the work and will probably be highly motivated. I can honestly say I wouldn't care who attended me in labour as long as they listened to me and got me and baby through it safely and with ease.

If you're nervous, why not ask for a specific appointment to meet and chat with him?

A male midwife delivered DD2 and he was amazing. Sensitive, calm, respectful, competent. He was the best midwife I ever saw and I can't sing his praises enough.

I had a male midwife for DS1.
He made more of an effort to put me at ease and was better than the women midwives there!
You honestly wont care. Dont be daft.

You won't care - all my midwives were women, but a male obstetrician actually delivered DS, and stitched me up afterwards.

I had a male midwife for my last birth (6th child). He was absolutely fabulous. He was so intune with the type of birth I wanted. My Dh said he was the best midwife we'd ever had and I agree. He made me feel like it was a priviledge to help me through the birth of DD3.
I'd had a rotten birth with my 5th child, midwives not listening etc. I felt so out of control I was upset for months after. David (the midwife) made my labour with DD3 a fantastic experience.
Please don't let the fact this midwife is a man put you off. Mine was the most wonderful midwife in the world!!!!!!!

LOL I'm not bothered about the nudity and stuff! I think it was more about him definitely not having been thorough labour himself That's actually far more stupid isn't it? It'd just never occurred to me that I might plan to have a man other than DP there. 'tis a very good point about a man in a female dominated profession probably being something special!

The gynecologist that delivered DD was a man and that didn't bother me at all. Mind you she was in such a state by then I'd have been happy with a gorilla if it had the necessary expertise to save her!

Right, I'll make an appointment tomorrow!

jeminthecity - I'm not actually nervous about the labour at all really, TBH I'm looking forward to the chance to deliver this child myself. I am nervous about not being listened too and things being taken out of my hands for no good reason again. Midwives over here work alone rather than in pairs during home births BTW.

The midwife I had last time didn't recognize that I didn't have the urge to push yet and didn't ask me either. When she insisted on starting coached pushing DD was absolutely fine (as far as she could tell) and there was no reason for a rush. DP and DM both say she seemed quite uncertain about what to do when I didn't immediately need to push at 10cm dilation. I honestly believe that a more experienced midwife would have waited a short time to see if the urge to push came.

I've never had a male midwife, but ask yourself if you had a male obstetrician at the birth would you care?

I'd rather have an experienced male than the shoddy care you describe you had before.

Where I work there is a male m/w and he is fab. People often say to me "do you know X, he was my m/w and he was great".

I think people may worry about not been able to click with a male m/w, that he won't be as good at the emotional support side of things. Its not always about worrying about a bloke seeing their fanny. But I do think that hopefully he should be as caring and emphatic as the next m/w. Anyway you can get some crap female midwives.

Ooops. Thanks for all the words of sense everyone!

I had a male midwife with DS and he was brilliant - really listened and got the waterbirth sorted for me. Also a male medical student at dd's birth. Both great and I didn't give the maleness of either of them a thought. There are so many people about in labour that you tend not to care so much. I would hate to have a smear test on my own with a male doctor for instance, but this was completely different. In fact the student doctor advocated for me when an older female agency midwife wanted me to lie on the bed instead of walking about - he was great.

I am heavily pregnant at the moment, and so have to listen to hundreds of random people's reminiscences about their labours - and so much of it is absolute guff that I can't empathise with at all. One woman declared with absolute authority that the last four weeks of pregnancy were "serene" and "went fast." I think I'm happier with someone who has no pregnancy and labour experiences of their own to project onto me actually. (I know, an actual midwife wouldn't be quite so bonkers you'd hope but even so...)

I think you're probably right MrBoring!

I'm just getting in a bit of a flap about everything because I've stuck my head in the sand about getting things sorted far too long in this pregnancy. I'm 29 weeks already and we're in the middle of building work, finding a doula, thinking about changing midwife practice etc etc.

That'll be mrsboring then

My midwife hadn't had children, and I asked her if it was because seeing people give birth had put her off, and she said "No, it's because I haven't found the right man" Oops!

I had twins, and had loads of people in the delivery room. One of them was a male trainee anaesthetist, watching while I had an epidural. He was the one who was embarrassed, even though it was me who was naked, a situation which I found quite funny.

You might find thse links useful:

pregnancy.about.com/cs/laborbasics/a/pushing.htm
[[http://www.birthpsychology.com/messages/push/push.html]
www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/pushing.asp

You've done this before so this time, you'll KNOW when the time is right to push