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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Has anyone had a male midwife at their birth? Dilema!

43 replies

NorktasticNinja · 24/03/2009 19:49

I'm not at all happy with my current midwife practice, mainly because all 4 midwives are very young and inexperienced. Also none are prepared to participate in a water birth (although they are happy for me to use the pool during labour). I used the same practice during my last pregnancy and birth and during my last labour the midwife hoiked me out of the pool and forced me to push long before I had the urge just because I was 10cm. As a result I was exhausted by the time I did get the urge to push (3/4 hour later) and had to go to hospital for a ventouse delivery. That hasn't done much to increase my trust in them at all.

So, I've found another relatively local practice where the midwives are more experienced and will do water births, BUT one of the 3 is a man. I'm really not sure how I feel about having a male midwife at the birth, there's only a 1 in 3 chance he'll attend the birth but still...

Does anyone have any experience with birthing with a male midwife? Was it OK? I can't help thinking I'm probably being a bit daft

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Enthusia · 24/03/2009 22:37

My Male midwife was the best, was with me all the way through the pregnancy and birth of my daughter. You couln't ask for a more relaxed, funny, caring and sensitive midwife. If I went through it all again I'd hound him to be there once more. My female midwives were scary and unsypathetic!!!!

Saltire · 24/03/2009 22:41

Yes I did, it was in Elgin, in Dr Gray's in 1998. Tom his name was, he was fab. I had him and a female one called Elaine (isn't it strange the things you remember)!
He was fab,and great with Dh who was , quite franklly getitng on my nerves!

Saltire · 24/03/2009 22:43

and I remeber DH saying "i know how sore it is dear" and this Tom saying "with respect mr saltire, you don't know how sore it is".

FairLadyRantALot · 24/03/2009 22:54

if i was a Doctor at your childs birth, it would most likely be a man....so...what is the difference...?

fingermousey · 25/03/2009 05:44

I don't know, do you think it's just women throughout history have supported women giving birth and not men so it's sort of deep in our unconscious to want a woman there - almost a primal instinct?

I'm not saying we can't bypass that and I'd definitely want a good male midwife over a bad female one

BoffinMum · 25/03/2009 06:29

Just a thought ... if you decline internals (which I generally do) then nobody can demand you push at 10cm simply because they won't know whether you are or not.

Basically it's pretty obvious when it's time to push, because women start getting aggressive, or cross, or panicky or whatever.

StarlightMcKenzie · 25/03/2009 08:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

NorktasticNinja · 25/03/2009 13:49

I think I will consider declining internals this time. Last time I really wasn't sure that I was dilated enough to go in the pool without potentially slowing things down because the contractions were still irregular and not as painful as I'd expected. I asked her to look and was 6cm already After that she got a bit internal happy (and I had to keep getting out of the pool and onto the bed so she could do them)...

I think this time I've got a much better idea of what to expect from my body!

OP posts:

TheProfiteroleThief · 25/03/2009 13:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oneplusone · 25/03/2009 13:53

When i went into labour with my second child we got to the hospital and were met with a male midwife. I was still in the early stages and was not at the point where i couldn't have cared less who was there! I was not comfortable about having him around and luckily DH was there and he said something (don't know what) and the male midwife disappeared and female one appeared!

The male midwife didn't seem in the least bit put out, he was probably used to this happening now and then.

Anyway, i went on to have a textbook labour and delivery (as the midwife said to the student midwife who was there) and now my gorgeous little boy is going to be 3 in a few weeks!

Original poster

NorktasticNinja · 25/03/2009 13:57

Glad to hear your birth went well and your preferences were listened too, that's fab! Congratulations with you son!

I'm going to be having a home birth and the midwives here work alone, so if the chap is on duty that's who I'll get. I'm over my worries about having a male midwife now TBH. DP is very enthusiastic about the idea

OP posts:

Rosa · 25/03/2009 13:59

DD1 I had all female including the doctor present at the birth but the paed nurse was male and was present !
DD2 the midwife and nurse female but the doctor present male - he stitched me up - to be honest did not bother me at all !

Original poster

NorktasticNinja · 26/03/2009 16:03

Lol - after going from being worried about having a male midwife to actually being quite enthusiastic about it I phoned today to arrange to move practices. It turns out he'll have stopped doing deliveries by my EDD. I was actually quite disappointed to hear that, how awfully fickle pregnancy makes me. Ho Hum...

Oh well at least I'll be at a practice that's prepared to let me have a water birth and where there are experienced midwives

OP posts:

SparklingSarah · 27/03/2009 01:13

YES! he was FANBLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDYTASTIC!
he was very cool very calm and really really perfect!!

he walked in said hi to my bum let my body do it's job kept the whole thing very cool delivered Daniel handed him to dad because I was kneeling whispered to me it's a wonderful little boy!
natural 3rd stage helped me roll over handed my baby to me.
At no stage did I lose any dignity I doubt ANYTHING could embarass the man!

he asked the right questions ie could I feel any burning was I ready to push what had happened so far - he truly could not have been any better

he walked me to the bathroom handed me clean knickers pad nightdress went back into my bedroom stripped the bed put clean sheets on helped me back to bed took photos for us.

To be truthful it was preferable over a female.

AnybodyHomeMcFly · 02/04/2009 22:47

I gave birth in hospital on saturday and it was a male midwife. I had previously thought maybe this would be weird but on arriving and being introduced I just totally accepted it without batting an eyelid.

He was a lovely midwife, totally professional, friendly, put me at my ease, calm etc etc (and of course there's no reason why he wouldn't be!).

I pooed, I screamed, I dilated from 4-10 in 20 mins, none of it phased him and at no point did I think "oh no, that's a man seeing me do all that" - although again I prob would have thought in advance that I might be embarrassed about it. But it just wasn't like that and I was 100% happy.

Good luck

TheRealDeal · 28/07/2011 04:44

You are not being daft. You should be able to manage the steps of your birth process and be in control. It is a common misconception that you will ?loose it? this is not true if you are prepared. If you do not want a male midwife and you do want a water birth, plan the birth at home or at a hospital than can provide the calibre of female staff that you know you and your baby deserve.

Most people are accepting because they are not aware of the implications of masculine intervention and the complications this can cause.
www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/oct/18/men-birth-labour-baby

Some of you might say 'my birth way fine' but consider how much quicker it might have been, whether you have had children prior (that always speeds up the process and your dignity).

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 28/07/2011 05:10

I'm going to keep posting to warn people - RealDeal is bumping a huge number of old threads in order to bore on talk about choosing female practitioners. I don't know why, but please check OP dates before responding.

Jacksmania · 28/07/2011 05:35

TheRealDeal, if you have some kind of an issue with female vs make practitioners, please START YOUR OWN THREAD.

Bumping ages-old threads is at best a bit strange.

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