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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

what do you say if a MW tells you you "can't" deliver in the position you want to?

40 replies

theyoungvisiter · 28/10/2008 20:07

Sorry, this is probably a stupid question, but it's really bothering me and I feel like I need a plan!

In my last labour I stood up all the way through until I got to the pushing stage whereupon the midwife told me she was "too old to deliver a baby on the floor" and that I would have to get onto the bed - anyway at that point it all went a bit tits up - I feel because I was pushed into giving birth in a position that was wrong for me.

I'm now 34 weeks with number 2 and determined that I will give birth in the position that feels right to me - but what do you say if a midwife orders you to give birth in a certain position? I hope I'll get a more flexible midwife but for my own peace of mind I feel like I need a response planned out if it happens again.

Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you handle it?

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snickersnack · 28/10/2008 20:10

"Then you'll have to get someone else to deliver this baby because I'm not shifting"

I think that's all you need to say. Not much she can do to argue with that - if she's too old to kneel on the floor for 10 minutes she's too old to wrestle you onto the bed!

ElviraInanEcup · 28/10/2008 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

iwantasecondone · 28/10/2008 20:11

Too busy being stunned and disgusted by your midwife to answer that one. Would your DH/DP/birthing partner be able to argue your case for you? They seem to respond differently to someone who isn't in agony and at their mercy. It is your birth, you should be doing whatever you want as long as it is reasonable, surely? Were you in hospital or at home?

WinkyWinkola · 28/10/2008 20:11

Your midwife said that to you? If she's too old to deliver a baby in the position of your choice then she's not up to the job.

But obviously in second stage, you're hardly up to arguing!

Poor you. Did it really make things difficult for you? It shouldn't have happened but it happens all too often.

IME I've found that women feel so very vulnerable in labour - in a way they've never imagined they could be - and the things that happen to them during that time really stay with them and affect them.

Do you have a birth partner who could intervene on your behalf if you think you're not going to be up for it? If you do, brief them thoroughly over what you think you'd prefer but warn them you may change your mind. A labouring woman's prerogative!

Definitely put it in your birth plan and tell the midwife as soon as you arrive that you will choose your position when you give birth.

Sometimes, if you're assertive and firm from the off, you can start to relax afterwards because people get the impression you're not to be messed with even if you are a pussy cat in real life.

ShePeeTeePee · 28/10/2008 20:13

Wonder if you had the same midwife as me? I was forced onto a bed, I refused to lie down and delivered standing precariously on the bed clutching the headrest for stability.

Sorry, I don't know how you can ensure against it. I was fortunate enough to have my second baby at a midwife led centre, laboured in the way I wished and delivered in birth pool.

IAteDavinaForDinner · 28/10/2008 20:13

I think you need a hefty birth plan, in bold print, possibly with highlighted areas.

And an assertive birth partner who will help to stand up for you when push comes to shove (sorry )

liahGeneMutatedMonster · 28/10/2008 20:14

you just stand firm and say, something like a mixture of above

Could you please get someone else in as this is how i am going to birth my baby.

anyway they'll be 2 of them at point of delivery, the other one can kneel.

Get dh to pass her a pillow for her knees.

good luck

ElviraInanEcup · 28/10/2008 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

thisisyesterday · 28/10/2008 20:15

I haven't been in the situation but if a midwife told me that she was too old to deliver a baby on the floor then I would ask her to find me a midwife who could.

she can't physically move you. actually, I would probably just ignore her, or say I can't move or something.

you have every right to deliver your baby how you want to.
you shouldn't have to suffer a bad birth just because the midwife finds it inconvenient to deliver your baby in a certain way.

PortofinoPumpkin · 28/10/2008 20:17

Mine kept encouraging me to go for a walk or see if I needed the loo. I just told her to fark off and peed where i was laying! In my defence, it was all soggy anyway. Do you think that's why they ended up threatening me with forceps?

Original poster

theyoungvisiter · 28/10/2008 20:19

Thanks for all the responses!

I have no proof that it did affect things - but what happened was that about 10 minutes after I got on the bed DS went into distress, and after that there was no way she was letting me get back off the bed.

Within minutes I was in stirrups and he was out via ventouse. Fortunately he was pretty close to being born anyway so it wasn't too traumatic but I still feel convinced that my body somehow knew that he was in a position where I needed to be upright - and that it was lying flat that caused the problem.

It was a hospital birth (how did you guess ) and I am hoping to go for a home birth this time but don't want to count on it too much in case it doesn't happen.

I just felt completely unable to argue (physically as well, as I was bloody knackered by that stage) and at the time I couldn't see any harm in doing what she asked. It was only when I was on my back that I got this complete feeling of panic that it was "wrong".

OP posts:

Original poster

theyoungvisiter · 28/10/2008 20:24

I think you are right about the birth plan - maybe if I put it all in big letters beforehand it will be less up for discussion.

To be honest I'm not sure if DH would argue my case or not if it came to it - he's more of the opinion that medics tend to know best and to let them take charge.

OP posts:

littleducks · 28/10/2008 20:34

I gave birth to mine lying down (on my right side as i was trying to keep with active birth principles but was knackered by the pain)

in the birth centre midwife suggested on my habds and knees but id didnt budge, she then told me to put a leg in the air which helped her but kept me in my comfy position, so we compromised

at home for ds the paramedics told me to get on my hands and knees as they didnt think i could deliver in that position, in myh head i thought 'sod you, i did last time' and didnt budge, after another request or two they moved me and i gave in and went on my hands and knees but flopped down as soon as he was out

the only reason i gave in was because they were paramed ics and they had only been there ten minutes and were obv a bit shocked by the speed of it all

so just dont move and prep your dh/birth partner to back you up as you wont be up for discussing it!

DraculaNeedsArteries · 28/10/2008 20:38

Actually I think Snickersnack said it alll....including hte bit about too old to wrestle you to teh bed!

bythepowerofgreyskull · 28/10/2008 20:39

the lady who taught our antenatal classes (birthlight)said that if we wanted to birth our way then we should feel confident enough to take the matress off the bed when you first go in and push the bed to the side of the room.

I agree with getting your birthing partner involved and having strong conversations with your midwife now.

But agree that 2nd time round you are armed with more experience and hopefully more able to stand up for what you want.

GOOD LUCK

WinkyWinkola · 28/10/2008 21:16

TheYoungVisitor, always listen to and have faith in your instincts especially when you're in labour!

Original poster

theyoungvisiter · 28/10/2008 21:25

thank you for the pep talk

I think I just needed convincing that it's NOT unreasonable to make the midwife fit in with your demands (which it's not, is it? I mean she's only got to catch the thing, not push it out).

I shall just super-glue my feet to the floor this time and practice my "la la can't hear you" face.

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 28/10/2008 21:29

definitely and agree with WW that you should trust ytour instincts.
I knew with ds2 that I had to be upright. I was very tired and my midwife said maybe I should have a go lying down.
I tried it and it was horrible so got straight back up.

you may be better off with a homebirth anyway tjhough, my midwives were really hands off and very keen for me to do it "my way" at home

Wisknit · 29/10/2008 08:27

I was told with number ds1 that I couldn't get back on the floor cos she needed to monitor me. She also tried to get me to stay lying down on the bed.
I growled at her (through bared teeth) that '@I'm not doing it like this' so she let me turn around, put the back of the bed right up and I knelt upright.
Maybe that approach would work?

MrsMattie · 29/10/2008 09:13

I've had this worry, too (attempting a VBAC pretty soon and can't imagine having to give birth on my back).

I've had lots of reassuring (and funny!) comments from friends.

One friend told me that when the MW asked her to get back up on the bed for the pushing stage (she was kneeling against the bed) she said 'You're a funny woman. You should be a comedienne!'

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 29/10/2008 09:33

mine was brilliant and never suggested i lie down - in fact said i shouldn't. she did have to monitor me however but she let me stay standing up and worked with me. mws can be flexible and if yours isn't stick to your guns. i could not have done it lying down. i'm not surprised labours slow down/go wrong when women lie flat.

tinkisinthe3rdtrimester · 29/10/2008 12:00

wow should she even be a midwife thought the idea was for you to beable to deliver in the position that you want.
my midwife told me off for screaming and shouting when pushing

belgo · 29/10/2008 12:10

theyoungvisitor - something similar happened to me with my first dd1. I spent the labour on my hands and knees, but when it came to the pushing stage, the doctor told me I had to lie on my back with my legs in stirrups. His exact words were 'every woman in Belgium gives birth on their backs'. (I'm english living in Belgium). I refused point blank, not because I was being stroppy, but because I simply couldn't bare the pain if I lay on my back. Somehow a compromise was reached and I gave birth lying on my side. I was really quite angry with the doctor.

I gave birth to my second baby lying back in the birthing pool, the baby was in a difficult position and had the cord around her neck twice and I really didn't have any choice because the midwives needed to see what was happening. I accepted that I couldn't go on my hands and knees because it was medically necessary for me to do what the midwives asked.

I've just given birth to my third, on my hands and knees, and for me that was by far the easist position.

It helps if you discuss this with your midwife first, and be confident enough during the birth to follow your instincts and do what feels right for your body.

Original poster

theyoungvisiter · 29/10/2008 12:59

I#'m not sure whether it's reassuring or worrying to hear how many other people had similar experiences!

at being told off for screaming in labour tink! What are you supposed to do - smile politely?

Although my MW (same one, funnily enough) did tell my partner that I looked like a gorilla when I was rocking from side to side with pain. Her exact words were "I've never seen anything like it - she looks like a gorilla". I couldn't have cared less at the time - in retrospect I think it was slightly rude!

OP posts:

belgo · 29/10/2008 13:04

at the gorilla comment! Rocking from side to side during labour is quite normal in any case.

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