what do you say if a MW tells you you "can't" deliver in the position you want to?

[theyoungvisiter]

Sorry, this is probably a stupid question, but it's really bothering me and I feel like I need a plan!

In my last labour I stood up all the way through until I got to the pushing stage whereupon the midwife told me she was "too old to deliver a baby on the floor" and that I would have to get onto the bed - anyway at that point it all went a bit tits up - I feel because I was pushed into giving birth in a position that was wrong for me.

I'm now 34 weeks with number 2 and determined that I will give birth in the position that feels right to me - but what do you say if a midwife orders you to give birth in a certain position? I hope I'll get a more flexible midwife but for my own peace of mind I feel like I need a response planned out if it happens again.

Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you handle it?

God, awful

I looked round a delivery suite at hospital the other day, and was amazed at home small and full the delivery rooms are - where the feck are you supposed to have an actve labour?

She shouldn't have ordered you, that's awful. Can you get a doula?

Tell her that she "cant" dictate what position you give birth in, she can only advise you.

Make sure your birthing partner understands that you want to be left to take up whatever position feels right and that they mustnt allow anyone to dictate to you - only make suggestions or advise. (Because there could of course be a more comfortable position for you that you might not have thought of and you wouldnt want to close down communication entirely!)

I'm sorry this is slightly in appropriate - but I've seen this thread title several times now and the first thing that I thought of that I'd say is

"f*ck off"

FAQ I thought for a minute you were telling ME to fuck off for asking an old question!!

I thought perhaps it was the less tactful version of "search the archives" .

But I am now thinking that perhaps that's what you would have said to the MW?

The funny thing is that even now I can't quite work out why I didn't say no - I am quite an assertive person normally - but for some reason I just obeyed. To justify myself though, she was a very bossy 60-something midwife and had obviously spent decades perfecting that "do as I say!" bark, plus had clearly trained long before women were "allowed" any say in their own birth.

Am resolved to be much stronger this time round though... [chin quivers]

You can ask for another midwife

they should within reason try to fit around you not the other way around, it is you who is giving birth afterall..

mine opened the window because she was hot

When my MW asked me to bring my heels up to my bum (with severe SPD), I just managed to squeak No - and my DDDH said to the MW with complete calm "XXXX has SPD and needs to be comfortable on her hands and knees, help me turn her over, and if you can't deliver our baby like that, please go and find someone who can".

I knew there was a reason I put up with the snoring..........

I got off the bed for the pushing stage and there was no way on god's earth I was getting back on (I think the midwife sensed my determination, so didn't push it!)

There was no other person available so DP was quickly drafted in to catch the baby (to this day, he talks about it non-stop!)

I was 39, so hardly a spring chicken!

I've just had a lovely lunch and spent four hours chatting through my impending birth with a wonderful friend who also happens to be a midwife. Her opinion is that as a MW she is there for support and for safety but the birth is YOURS (and your partners). It might be easier for a MW (especially a 6o year old one!) to keep an eye on what's happening if you lie on your back, but my understanding is that most MWs these days use modern gimmicky inventions such as mirrors (woo!) and torches (goodness!) to see if the sun cant shine in the position you choose to give birth in. And it is your choice (medical necessity aside, of course).

I second FAQ - what you say is *fook off!" And believe me, it slips out much easier second time round! The swearing, that is...

During my last labour the MW wanted me to get on the bed and lie on my back to be examined but I knew it would be too painful (it was incredibly painful anyway and I was only just coping). She said it would not be possible to examine me standing up so we comprimised on kneeling over on on the bed. I was still there when she monitored the heartbeat and told me the baby was in distress and to push him out ASAP. She then told me off for shouting and screaming as she said it was impeding the pushing. I can remembr being cheesed off as the screaming was helping me....but she had a point as I was able to push better without the hysteria!

My midwife also told me off for making a noise when pushing saying I should put my energy into pushing. I found it very difficult not to make a noise as I would find it difficult to shift a wardrobe upstairs without groaning away as well.

I also had to lie on my back as they needed to monitor the baby's heartbeat and the monitor wouldn't work in any other position. It stopped my contractions and I ended up with forceps delivery.