Don't like the idea of family knowing when I'm in labour - am I weird???

[ilovemuffins]

Evening Ladies,

just wondering - am I the only one out here who doesn't like the idea of their families knowing once they're in labour? DH thinks I'm a bit strange

I hasten to add that we have a very good relationship with both our families, and we are going to let them know of sproggy's arrival very quickly after the birth. But I'd just prefer them not to know what I'm up to while I'm still in labour... just seems such a personal thing to go through that people knowing about it seems just one step short of actually watching me..!

We are not going to call people to let them know when labour starts, but not sure what to do if they call us. DH is a very honest character and reluctant to lie to anybody on the phone... especially since he doesn't understand why it's such an issue for me...

Am I the only one feeling this way??

You are totally normal I should think.
It does feel like a private, intimate thing.
I wouldn't contact family till the baby was born and we are very very close.

Just don't answer the phone

I hate the idea of telling people I'm in labour too, but then I tend to turn into cavewoman in labour and when the baby has been born. Also, what if it's a false alarm?

If your DH is uncomfortable with the radio slience option, can you think up something innocuous like 'Muffins is resting' (which you should be in early labour anyway)

They will only worry. And if it's long (sure it wont be!) will they be expecting updates? "Just popping to phone my Mum darling, back in 10!". Let them know when the lo arrives.

I don't think you are strange at all. I was in the same position as you (good relationship with both familes but just didn't want them to know), although my DH agreed we wouldn't tell so it was easier in that respect. We just called once the baby was born. I didn't want to worry our families as it was our first and I knew it could take ages. That was a good decision - it took even longer than I thought: 43 hours from start to finish - and they would have been really worried!!!

Just don't answer the phone if you're in labour - you won't want to, and your DH should be tending to your every need anyway. That way neither of you needs to lie.

Totally normal. I'm the same.

I think women prefer to labour in privacy, quiet and safety. And they need to focus on the job in hand, so to speak.

Always fib about your due date. That will prevent calls!

Doesn't matter if you are weird anyway, does it? Do what makes you feel comfy.

Not that I do think you're weird anyway but... oh, you know what I mean.

You are not unusual in my opinion. We had a planned section and I refused to tell anyone the planned date off DD's birth - it was lovely for DH, because he got to make the, "Guess what - we've had a ...." phonecalls.

I love the way I said it's totally normal and I feel the same. LIke I'm some barometer of normal!

We have been quite lucky really.

DD1 I was induced, so in hospital, everyone just waited for a call.

DD2 We called my dad to get him to watch DD1, Dad called bro to get him to drive him over, and bro dropped DH at hospital (I needed gas and air by that point!) All waited for news.

DS Was at dads when labour started, DDs asleep. I think dad called at about 6am to see if there was any news (labour started at 10.30pm) but got told no and that was that.

Inlaws knew nothing until DH phoned to announce. Other relatives found out at normal times... I had night babies (bar DS)

When I went into labour with ds the last thing I felt like was making a long distance call to family, but just wanted to focus and get through it.

Prefered to ring the next morning when I knew it was all ok.
It's fine to feel this way imo.

I completely understand. I did not want to tell family (some of whom had come from Australia for said birth). My dad was phoning me every day to ask if there was any news. He phoned during the early stages of labour as I was walking the local streets and I did not let on that it had started. I hated the idea of people thinking of me in labour, and whatever visions that conjured up in their minds. I also did not want the pressure of knowing they were expecting news at any given point.

It's important that you are relaxed and happy and that is the most important thing.

Not weird. Didn't occur to me to let family know. Was induced both times but didn't tell them the date of induction, let alone when it got going. It wouldn't have occured to any of them to ask.

They got phonecalls once the baby was born, fed, warm, dressed and I'd had a wash and a cup of tea.

It never occured to me to tell anyone until dd had arrived until my sister rang me one day and said 'you will tell me when you go into labour won't you' all in a worry!!

I sort of agreed (er....... ok ) but actually the situation didn't arise as I started at 11pm and she was with us at 6am so we rang everyone when I was all washed and tidied up! I'm not sure I would tell anyone next time - just adds to the pressure!

We live in a flat, so when I was in labour and wanted to walk we checked and DH's parents were still away, so we walked around their garden. Sod's law..they came home and not only knew I was in labour but actually tried to talk to me, his mum followed me around with ginger tea trying to make me drink it! WTF? After telling them where to stick it, we ran away and unplugged the phone. I would never tell them I was in labour again. Next time will be a phone call when baby is a few hours old.

you are not weird...I never actively let family know until child was there...
however with es my mum was there for a visit and with ys she called the evening I went into labour and I had a contraction whilst talking to her, so, kinda gave it away...
people will only worry if they know or constantly want updates....labour is, imo , something on a need to know basis, lol

You're not weird at all - with DS no one knew I had gone into labour. With DD, DH's brother and wife knew, but as he was looking after DS, he had to know really .

Idris - where've you been hiding?! Come and talk veg!

With ds1 I was 2 weeks overdue and sooo fed up. MIL kept ringing to ask dp if anything was happening. He kept telling her that we would ring when there was something to tell. My parents didn't expect to hear anything until the call to say a boy had arrived - and that was at 5am which they said was double exiting!
SIL and bilsgf both made a million phone calls to mil at every stage - waters broke/contractions/in car on way to hosp/updates all the time. Plus they had both told everyone what they were having.
MIL did admit later that it was much more exciting having a dawn call to say 'we've had a boy' rather than the last one in a chain of calls to say 'its here'

With ds2 we put arrangements in place for looking after ds1, so my parents would have known, but he ended up elective section with 24 hours notice so everyone knew.

I was the same. I ended up texting my mum when we were on the way to hospital but told her only to tell my brother and sister. She would have been upset if we hadnt have told her.

We didnt tell anyone which hospital we went to as I didnt want anyone coming in.

The funniest thing was that my sister called the afternoon I was in labour and I just spoke to her normally! She didnt realise for a few days

Forgot to say, DH thought I was being overly secretive and couldn't understand why I didn't want to tell people - a bit like your DH sounds.

However, in hindsight he said it made it all the more special being able to suprise everyone - his Mum was at work and had to be tracked down instead of pacing the floor waiting for the call, etc etc.

I didn't think about telling anyone and I had a really drawn out labour. Unknown to me my DH had told my mum I was in labour fairly early on and then didn't keep her updated, poor woman was worried sick! Wouldn't actively tell anyone again but prob wouldn't lie either.

I didn't think about telling anyone and I had a really drawn out labour. Unknown to me my DH had told my mum I was in labour fairly early on and then didn't keep her updated, poor woman was worried sick! Wouldn't actively tell anyone again but prob wouldn't lie either.

I didn't really have any predefined plan, but when I went into labour at 6am, I didn't say anything to DP (had loads of braxton hicks for weeks before!) who happily went to work - I was happy to be on my own (never thought that would be the case!). Didn't answer the phone to mum or MIL who spookily both rang to check I was OK (though I go out alot so neither worried!). Then after DS was born and DP rang them to tell them - they both thought he was ringing to say I had gone into labour not that their first grandson had arrived

I was in labour for a long time with DS1 but we had no intention of telling anyone in the family - My sister called twice (we had a homebirth) but we just ignored the phone.

I didn't want anyone to know just incase it was a false alarm, and had told DH that I didn't want anyone to know because of this...

So why oh why, when he nipped out to the shop did I end up talking on the phone to FIL who was calling just to say "so you are in labour then" - blimey how I wanted to swear .