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Original poster

Dh has changed his mind about a homebirth so what do I do now?

45 replies

rosmerta · 21/07/2008 20:33

Sorry for long title but dh has agreed for me to have a homebirth after initally been terrified of the idea!

I'm 20 weeks now, and my next m/w appt isn't for another 4 weeks. Should I wait & talk to them then about it or should I ring up the maternity unit & see if I can speak to someone sooner?

tia

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DisenchantedPlusBump · 21/07/2008 20:34

Errr but its not up to your DH its up to you!

YOU are the one thats going to be giving birth and if this is what you want them he should support you!

And tell him I said so!

DisenchantedPlusBump · 21/07/2008 20:35

My DH was scared too but he said after it was fantastic and he is 100% for having this baby at home!

Original poster
rosmerta · 21/07/2008 20:37

I know its up to me but I didn't want force dh into anything that would make him so uncomfortable which this did. Not that it matters now anyway as he's changed his mind

But I'll tell him you said so anyway!

OP posts:
DisenchantedPlusBump · 21/07/2008 20:39

What is it he is scared of?

Could you find out then find out some reassuring information in relation to what he is worried about?

maxbear · 21/07/2008 20:40

Good for him. My dh was not all that keen but went with my feelings as I'm a midwife so he realised I knew what I was talking about. Your midwife probably won't talk to you about it in any detail until 36 weeks or so, when you know what position the baby is in and that your blood pressure is still normal etc.

Yorky · 21/07/2008 20:42

If it helps my DH wasn't sure about me having a homebirth but it was great and now he is supporting me fully against reluctant midwives to have another homebirth this time, would it help your DH to talk to thers dads who've been at a homebirth?

expatinscotland · 21/07/2008 20:43

you didn't want to force him so it was okay for him to force you into having a birth you didn't want?

glad he changed his mind.

DisenchantedPlusBump · 21/07/2008 20:45

Exactly expat .... you always say it how it is

Original poster
rosmerta · 21/07/2008 20:45

Ahh, I don't think I've made myself clear. Dh was set against a homebirth but has now changed his mind and agreed I can have a homebirth! The main issue was if anything went wrong and we couldn't get to the hospital but after BIL ended up delivering his baby I think he's realised that's pretty much the worst that could happen!

Thanks maxbear, so should I try to get myself booked in with the community midwives or just wait until my next appt?

OP posts:
beanieb · 21/07/2008 20:46

"Should I wait & talk to them then about it or should I ring up the maternity unit & see if I can speak to someone sooner?"

oooh - is this the question you actually want answered? I think people have read teh title and assumed you are saying that you wanted a home birth but your OH doesn't. You're not are you?

It's good that your husband has changed his mind as I assume it's something you want, not sure who you would contact but hopefully someone else will...

milknosugar · 21/07/2008 20:47

you can change your mind at any time before the baby makes an appearance, so if he changes his mind again dont panic, you dont need to do anything. doesnt work the other way round so dont cancel it! glad he has changed his mind but get him to look at homebirth websites, men like having the fatcs so it will probably help him if he is still a bit wobbly (even if he is secretly wobbly)

Original poster
rosmerta · 21/07/2008 20:55

That's it beanieb, I posted in a bit of a rush & didn't realise I'd said it wrong!

Thanks milknosugar

OP posts:
beanieb · 21/07/2008 20:57

you didn't say it wrong it made sense to me, hope it goes well

charliegal · 21/07/2008 21:00

'if he changes his mind again'?
Remind me again who is having this baby?

edam · 21/07/2008 21:02

Yes, I would get cracking on this one before dh changes his mind again. Call the maternity unit and if you have any hassle, ask to speak to the supervisor of midwives or head of midwifery.

Hope it all goes very well!

StarlightMcKenzie · 21/07/2008 21:04

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StarlightMcKenzie · 21/07/2008 21:05

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PinkTulips · 21/07/2008 21:09

dp talked me out of a homebirth last time as he was scared and we both ended up regretting it. ring the MW and ask her do you need to start arranging it now. quick before he changes his mind again!

and ladies... if the dh/dp is the main support during labour and is freaking out and spouting doom and gloom it's not exactly going to work so the birth partner has to be on board with a homebirth.... and some people don't have the option of paying a doula or enlisting a family member

Anglepoise · 21/07/2008 21:09

I want a homebirth but I want DH to be happy and comfortable with it too because I am really really going to need his support!

expatinscotland · 21/07/2008 21:10

i will be giving birth alone.

DH has to watch the girls.

but if he weren't supportive, i'd rather have just the midwives than be bamboozled into having a birth i don't want because of his hangups.

Anglepoise · 21/07/2008 21:16

I may feel the same by the time DC2+ come along

With DC1 though, I want him to be there and be involved and be relaxed, because at the moment he's more worried than I am and I don't want him to start stressing me out partway through!

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 22/07/2008 11:13

my DH is the same - was dead set against it because he was concerned for mine and the baby's safety. Now he's done a bit more research and we've talked more he is way more up for it and in fact wuld prefer it - I also would much rather have my DH there than a doula because I trust him and it's his baby too which is why we've spent a long time talking it all over - it's only fair he gets a say!

my midwife said to start talking seriously to her about it at my 28 week appt but they probably won't confirm that's what I'm doing til 32 weeks at earliest to give me enough time to really decide what I want to do - if you do opt for homebirth there is nothing stopping you from deciding to go into hospital at any stage

good on you for keeping him involved!

PinkTulips · 22/07/2008 12:37

my dp is my rock in labour... he's still an idiot most of the time but when i'm pushing and it's getting hard he's the one who's right there holding my hand telling me he's proud of me..... i needed that more than a homebirth last time.

for me being stuck alone with the MWs sounds like the worst possible birth, i can't really speak from transition onwards and i need dp there as my voice and to support me, even if it means my poor kids have to be dumped with a neighbour for a few hours. (no way in hell will my mother be in the same building while i give birth )

and it wasn't a hangup in dp's case... dd needed resusitation when she was born with no pulse and not breathing and i haemoraged (sp?).... he had reason to be nervous about that happening at home.

expat, good for you for doing it alone if that's what suits you best. if you're doing it out of necessity though surely there's a neighbour who wouldn't mind having the girls for a couple of hours.... they'd only need to go there once you hit transition and could come home as soon as dc3 was born.

Original poster
rosmerta · 22/07/2008 14:36

pinktulips & girlwith, you've said it exactly. I want & need my dh there and he wants to be there as well! I think he just needed some time to adjust to the idea, especially as first time around I never even considered a homebirth. I think I took him by surprise!

Anyway, I did ring the antenatal unit today and they said to speak to the mw at my 28 week appt! But at least I know its likely to be possible.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 22/07/2008 14:39

'expat, good for you for doing it alone if that's what suits you best. if you're doing it out of necessity though surely there's a neighbour who wouldn't mind having the girls for a couple of hours.... they'd only need to go there once you hit transition and could come home as soon as dc3 was born. '

no, no there is not PT. we live in the middle of nowhere.

and there's really no guarantee it'll only 'a couple of hours' .

DD1 has SN and is not potty-trained, either.

that's life.

people do it and live.

it's not the end of the world.

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