Felt like hypnobirthing made induction worse- do I NEED it for a successful VBAC?

[AutumnHydrangeas]

So birth 1- induction for reduced movements at 41 weeks, balloon & waters broken which did nothing, was talked into the drip. Immediately launched into horrible agonising contractions and tbh I was so scared. I couldn’t control them through breathing (actually felt like I couldn’t breathe) and asked for an epidural. Now I do feel like I wasn’t taken seriously (midwife immediately said the wait was 3 hours) but I also felt like such a failure asking for one in the first place.

I laboured for another hour and couldn’t go on, told the midwife I needed a c-section. She pretty much told me I was giving up but never offered any pain relief either, just okayed the section.

As it turns out baby was back to back with her head leaning to the side which explains a lot and also struggled to breath when she was born, so was treated for an infection. The quicker c-section actually was the best for her, but I really had to grieve the birth I wanted and I gave myself such a hard time for failing- still do really.

tldr, how do I trust myself again in labour? Will it really be different second time around? I really beat myself up for failing and not being able to breath and use the affirmations… felt so humiliated and stupid for even thinking I could.

Hi OP, we're moving your thread to our Childbirth topic and giving it a bump to get it back into the list of active conversations. Hopefully other Mumsnetters will be along soon to share their experiences and offer support.

Also, just wanted to say that you absolutely did not fail. You were frightened and in a lot of pain, and asking for pain relief or a c-section is nothing to feel humiliated or stupid about.

We hope you find some reassurance and support here, both in coming to terms with your first birth and in feeling more confident about your next one.

I'm so sorry your experience was like that, it sounds really frightening. My second birth absolutely overwhelmed me in how painful it was and how the contractions felt, and when I had an epidural it did nothing at all, possibly because I was not able to maintain the position they wanted me in while they inserted it, which just pushed me further into a panicked state.

IMO this is one of the major downsides of hypnobirthing - the way that it can make you feel like you have "failed" - I feel so angry for you that you have been made to feel that way on top of going through a frightening and painful birth experience.

It makes it a bad "tool" IMO - and absolutely it is not the only tool you can use to help yourself through the process of labour and birth. I also think the staff you have around you make a huge difference. With DC1 I had started to go into the overwhelm and none of the things I'd practiced or learnt were any use at all, but this really lovely older midwife clocked that I was getting stressed and overwhelmed and took the time to speak calmly and show me a really simple relaxation trick which was to hold my palms facing upwards. She said this stops you from tensing your shoulders, which in turn helps you un-tense the rest of your body. I have no idea if it was a placebo or if it's true, but it worked and it helped me stay calm along with some other things I was trying.

So I think second time round (which was 10 years later) I assumed I'd be fine but that time I had staff who were pretty dismissive, unhelpful, didn't believe I was in labour (even though I only went in because my waters had broken, not because I was having regular contractions).

I found Birth Skills by Juju Sundin much more realistic and practical, personally. And Sarah Lavonne on Youtube has some great videos as well. I was really nervous about birth #3 because I was torn between whether to request an epidural early on while I was still calmer, or aim to go without. I ended up deciding to go with the flow and did manage without in the end, although I would not have felt it a failure if I had opted for it. I was mainly scared that it might not work again.

Have you had a birth debrief/reflection at all? That might help you process what happened and prepare for the next one. Do talk to your midwife if/when you're pregnant with DC2 - I'm sure she'll understand your worries.

Thank you, I’ll look them up. I like the idea of birth skills, even the name sounds more supportive.

I have had a debrief and it did help. I am proud of advocating for myself and baby and I do know it was the best outcome, but it took a lot of processing to get there.

I had a similarish birth to you OP, with regards to a posterior baby and level of pain I simply wasn't coping with. Also a dismissive midwife in the midwife-led unit who wouldn't provide any pain relief at all.

I waited 4h for an epidural after requesting one on the consultant-led unit, after refusing to consent to an induction until they put one in. It did actually work very well and I narrowly avoided a c-section. The labour was 46h 32m in total.

One of the few sources of useful advice I had read beforehand was Birth Skills by Juju Sundin, which actually has a chapter on the benefits of epidural in long and posterior deliveries.

She is writing from an Australian perspective which is a lot less anti-epidural than the UK is generally, while also supporting low intervention births where appropriate. Having read the book beforehand I do feel I had exhausted the 'natural' options, and my decision to have an epidural was the right one.

This is just my experience and I don’t mean to cause any offence, I looked into hypno-birthing courses when I was having my first, I felt that the information was leaning into some anti-medicine themes that I didn’t like. It was all about how your body was “made to do this” and how women have been having babies for 100’s of years without interventions, which all felt quite negative in my opinion.
My first birth was quite intense, induction with the drip and then an epidural, leading to a ventouse delivery for baby. It wasn’t ideal by any means but we got the job done, by hypno birthing standards I completely failed because I needed so many interventions.
But yeah, I didn’t like the attitude of the information provided by these people.

I also recommend Birth Skills! I know that I experience anxiety and struggle to control my breathing in other situations, so I’m really glad I didn’t just rely on hypnobirthing, as the breathing instantly went out the window for me.

@AutumnHydrangeasyou did NOT fail in any way. Epidural or Caesareans are not failures.

It sounds to me like you trusted your body and yourself the first time around. Even when the midwife thought she knew better than you and tried to pressure you into making different decisions.
You were going through several difficult medical procedures, you knew you needed pain relief, and then you trusted yourself to know the induction wasn't working and that you needed to stop and go a different route. You protected your baby and yourself.
I hope that you can trust yourself again in your next birth.
Also hypnobirthing is great for a lot of women but it's not for everyone! I never got on with it because it felt like it was trying to tune everything out and dim it down, when what I needed was to tune in and be really present/in my body.
I'm sorry you had such a difficult experience and I'm really sorry you were disbelieved and disrespected but the person who should have been caring for you.