So birth 1- induction for reduced movements at 41 weeks, balloon & waters broken which did nothing, was talked into the drip. Immediately launched into horrible agonising contractions and tbh I was so scared. I couldn’t control them through breathing (actually felt like I couldn’t breathe) and asked for an epidural. Now I do feel like I wasn’t taken seriously (midwife immediately said the wait was 3 hours) but I also felt like such a failure asking for one in the first place.
I laboured for another hour and couldn’t go on, told the midwife I needed a c-section. She pretty much told me I was giving up but never offered any pain relief either, just okayed the section.
As it turns out baby was back to back with her head leaning to the side which explains a lot and also struggled to breath when she was born, so was treated for an infection. The quicker c-section actually was the best for her, but I really had to grieve the birth I wanted and I gave myself such a hard time for failing- still do really.
tldr, how do I trust myself again in labour? Will it really be different second time around? I really beat myself up for failing and not being able to breath and use the affirmations… felt so humiliated and stupid for even thinking I could.