Denied pain relief in labour and now frightened about another birth

[Helpmefiguireitallout]

Thank you for reading, this is going to be a long post. My little girl is now 2 months old. I started losing my mucous plug and had water dripping out at 41 weeks around 5pm on the Friday. I phoned the birth centre and a lovely midwife told me to come in. I came in and she then said she examined me, told me my cervix was closed completely and to go home and call when things change. Well, I ended up getting my first contraction at home and from then on it was absolute agony. I was so shocked because the pain went from 0-100, around 3 in 10 minutes. I rang back and she told me to come back again. The car journey was awful.

She had to examine me again, this was absolutely awful as I was in so much pain but she was really calming and a total pro at examining so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been I suppose. So then here is where the problems started… she finished her night shift and had to go, but before she did, she examined me again and I was 1cm. I was then left with the most uncaring Midwife and students I have ever encountered.

I worked in a maternity ward for 7 years up until a couple of years ago, I still work in the NHS but in a clinic now. I am well aware of the good and bad, as well as what is usually offered to labouring women, I worked in a London Hospital, so it was busy busy busy. I also started training to become a Midwife myself but stopped for various reasons. I know how some Midwives can be as I witnessed it myself over the years, and I just hoped that I would be lucky and would get a nice team looking after me. Well that didn’t happen at all.

I was in a small birth centre room at this point screaming my head off in pain with every contraction and shaking uncontrollably. The Midwife gave me a shot of pethadine, which really seemed to help, although it didn’t take the pain away fully it stopped the shaking and made me really sleepy. They couldn’t examine me again for many hours which is fair enough to reduce the risk of infection but it would have been nice to know if I was any further along. Anyway they did examine me again eventually and was still 1cm, pain was obviously bad I was crying, was offered 2 x more pethadine that did nothing these 2 times but it did stop the shaking.

I was begging for an epidural but was told no repeatedly. The reason was because I wasn’t 4 cm yet, and in order to get an epidural it needs to be done in labour ward, but I am not allowed in labour ward until at least 4cm. I asked for gas and air, they said no repeatedly for the same reasons above. All they kept saying was to eat a sandwich, reapeatedly, I have never wanted to scream so badly in my life because they weren’t listening to me. I was telling them I can’t eat or drink… well I was trying to drink but eating was out of the question. I explained that I would throw up everywhere but they wouldn’t stop going on, they even got my Husband involved trying to convince me. I was crying telling them I don’t need a sandwich I need pain relief over and over again but they still wouldn’t accept me not eating until they brought me some toast which I physically couldn’t eat. They were actually laughing at me, saying what do you want me to do? WHAT I WANT IS PAIN RELIEF!

I was screaming in pain when the cherry on the cake arrived… they were going to move me to the shared antenatal ward. They did move me, still no gas and air allowed, I was screaming so loud with every contraction every few minutes. The other patients and partners were laughing and sniggering, also tutting. I am sure the other women were terrified that they had this level of pain to come too so they were probably laughing to distract themselves. I begged for pain relief and to be moved. They refused, still no gas and air allowed.

I know that on my ward women were given entonox on the antenatal ward, and it was no issue at all. They were also hurried through to labour ward for a private room if they were screaming the ward down and scaring other women. This went on for the whole night until around 8am when the first lovely Midwife came back on shift and came to see what all the screaming was about. She was asking the staff member why I was left in this state with no Entonox and not getting me over to labour ward? The staff member was arguing with her, she said I am the Midwife in charge go and get some entonox. Not even 2 minutes later I had Entonox… when they had lied to me earlier saying they don’t keep it on the antenatal ward it’s only on the labour ward they aren’t allowed to use it here. While having Entonox she examined me again and I was 4 cm. Finally!!! Moved to Labour ward. She was an actual angel… I feel like she saved me.

I took the gas with me not letting it out of my mouth and I was in heaven, the pain was like waves of a feeling but no pain at all. Why had they denied me this for so long? Anyway, straight to Labour ward where a lovely anaesthetist gave me an epidural. It was amazing! I had to press a button every 30 mins but before I was allowed I had to ask the Midwife to take my blood pressure before topping up. They broke my waters and they were full of meconium, I then started getting a really high temperature.

This is when the problems started again… her and her student went on their break at the same time and by the time they got back the epidural had stopped working. They didn’t believe me… and kept telling me to press the button which I was but it wasn’t doing anything, turns out it was empty. I was finally allowed a top up and the anaesthetist arrived to fit another supply. She must have accidentally done something wrong as from then on it was all agony and screaming again, the Midwife and student didn’t believe me until finally the anaesthetist came back again and tried to figure out why it had stopped working.

At this point the shaking started uncontrollably again. I asked for gas & air while we waited for her to return as she was busy and had to leave. I was in my element with the gas and air and they kept trying to take it off me as I was using it too much. It got to around 2pm and doctors came in to review me as I was now 7cm but had been 7cm for far too long with no progression. They decided to do an emergency c section. My epidural was topped up in theatre and actually worked this time.

I was shaking so hard they had to strap me down. My little girl was born and had an infection, had breathed in her meconium so was struggling to breathe and was taken to NICU. She had breathing tube, feeding tube and cannulas. The treatment postnatally was an absolute shit show and my baby wasn’t with me I had just got to give her a kiss on the operating table when she was whisked away. They put me in a postnatal ward with everyone else’s babies. I asked them if they thought this was appropriate considering my baby was in NICU and I was still numb… couldn’t meet her properly yet. The Midwife responded by saying what is the problem with being around other babies??? We can’t give you a private room! I persisted that it was not nice and they moved us to a private room.

We were both on antibiotics and eventually she came down to join me in a shared NICU/Postnatal ward. We were then both moved back to the postnatal ward which was hell. Purely because of the noise, other families are so so inconsiderate and loud. We had people moving furniture around and throwing suitcases around at 2am. The woman next to me had a drug problem and social services were taking her baby away. We got to hear her whole life story from the other side of the curtain. It was awful… she was kicking off constantly and then crying constantly, part of me felt sorry for her. It was a lot to deal with, we all complained but they wouldn’t give her a private room so we all had to listen to her on the phone constantly to social workers about her court case the next day and her baby being removed.

We were finally discharged after a total of 5 days. I don’t know if I can go through this again but eventually I want to give my daughter a sibling. I am terrified of being left in pain again until 4cm, what if the same happens again? Personally I think as soon as they broke my waters and saw the meconium and my high temp and high blood pressure, they should have took me for a c section straight away. I sit here and think sometimes how long was my little girl struggling for in there… thank god they got her out when they did. Why did they hang around though? It was hours and hours since they broke my waters.

I am obviously going to ask for a planned c section next time, if there is a next time. I have lost all trust in that hospital and all medical staff. I feel like a couple of them enjoyed watching me suffer. All I needed was the gas & air and I was coping really well but they denied me this for 13 hours, only when that angel Midwife came on shift and got me some was I able to cope. Has anyone ever experienced similar and what did you do for your next babies?

I haven’t read the full thread yet, I’m sorry (I will do so shortly). But just to say that it is absolutely possible to be moved on the labour ward and have an epidural at less than 4cm. I was in your position, stuck at less than 1cm for 12 hours of sheer agony (the baby was back to back) and dealing with a deeply unsympathetic midwife who tried to fob me off with paracetamol and Codydramol, and insisted I couldn’t go to the labour ward until I was 4cm. Pethidine did nothing except mess with my head. I was screaming in agony for hours.

And then, it turns out it was actually possible to move me. I was taken to the labour ward at less than 1cm, they gave me an epidural and broke my waters. The epidural was pure bliss.
My body relaxed and I went up to 10cm within of next 4 hours. Also the team on the labour ward were so lovely, like night and day compared to the awful midwife I’d had up to that point.

I’m so sorry this happened to you. Absolutely do speak to the PALs about what happened.

My daughter half turned from back to back so I ended up with an instrumental delivery, birth injuries, a likely placental abruption and a 2.9l PPH.

My next two were born by ELCS and those were much much better experiences (though my third baby was in NICU for just under 48 hours for some extra help with breathing). Incidentally they absolutely did try to find a private room for me because my baby was in NICU. They couldn’t because they were all full, but they were apologetic and said they’d keep trying.

I'm so sorry you experienced this.
My first labour I had hyper stimulation from one pessary during the induction and had my pain completely ignored. They examined me and I was only 1cm so they told me the contractions wouldn't be doing anything yet. Four hours later they checked again and I was 10cm so completely missed any opportunities for pain relief.
I explained this to my midwife at my second birth and she really listened. When history seemed to be repeating itself, this time at 2cm, she took me straight from the antenatal ward to delivery and I quickly had an epidural. I'd also been using gas and air on the antennal ward.
I'd really recommend a reflections appointment and being really clear about your history if you do decide to have another.

I had a long painful labour with my first. Strong contractions from 2 cm it was terrifying. I was also dismissed and ignored. I eventually got pethidine, then gas and air and then the epidural. My experience made me more determined to do it with minimal pain relief next time as I felt the pethidine made me sluggish and the epidural left me unable to push. With my second I stayed home as long as possible and baby ended up being born 40 min after i got to the hospital. Knowing what to expect pain wise helped , it was less shocking. I did same with my third who took about 90min to come.

A c section never occurred to me but in your shoes i would absolutely have a planned c section . That way you are completely in control

I had a bad experience first time around with 40 hours labour - induction, waters broken too early by an over-zealous midwife, pethidine that didnt work, TWO epidurals, eventually forceps birth but prepped for c-section.

Was so scared for 2nd time around.
7 hours from first twinges to holding baby. No pain relief due to speed of things. Spontaneous waters breaking (with a big loud pop!).
It was a much better experience.

My mum gave me the best advise while I was pregnant. She said do not rush to the hospital. So my labour took around 5 days stopping and starting. I swear to god I was so glad for my mum's advise. After 5 days at 10pm it finally kicked off. I still didn't rush and kept myself comfortable at home until 5am.

Gave birth at 10:03am on bit of gas and air. I can't remember the pain if I'm honest. I did lost a lot of blood so it must have been painful. I did however used to do some climbing so I think my stomach muscles were strong.

Either way. The point was, she said it's an agony to be stuck in hospital and I remember I was very happy to be out the same day.

Sounds like perhaps you need make peace with the fact it first and you weren't experienced and you didn't have better advise to stay off hospitals for as long as possible.

Sorry just finished reading till the end that you had infection etc. I'm so sorry this must have been so scary for you. In those cases hospital is really where you should have been looked after properly and as a priority. I'm so sorry again you went through this.

I also had a horrible subsequent birth after an easy first birth - similar disrespect by midwives as OP, excruciating procedure by midwives without my consent, which caused my baby to go into distress.

It makes me feel less alone that you say you had a good first birth, followed by a bad birth. Everyone I know seems to have had easier births second or third time around.

“took over my whole body like fire burning from the uterus outwards and completely drowned me in pain.”

That really struck me from your post OP, that was exactly how it felt. Absolutely nothing at all like period pains (and pre children I used to get bad period pain, so bad I vomited on a few occasions). Also, there was no break in the pain; it was constant.

Is it possible that your little girl was back to back (at least originally, she may have turned during labour)? Or maybe it was the infection? Either way, I know exactly what it’s like and it’s nothing like I’ve heard others describe their contractions. You had an exceptionally difficult labour, and I’m convinced others wouldn’t have coped any better either. All your requests were reasonable in my book - certainly the epidural (which is absolutely possible at that stage and no, it doesn’t have to slow labour down). Also, after that traumatic birth, I was in fact given a private room even though I did have the baby with me. The midwives who looked after me were incredibly kind, supportive and sympathetic. For my third, who was in NICU, they immediately told me (without me asking) that they were looking for a private room for me because it’s hospital policy when your baby isn’t with you.

I don’t think we are alone in that, at all. What made it worse was that I had such a small gap and felt like they were just ignoring the fact that I knew what it’s supposed to feel like - they made me feel stupid and lazy instead of listening. First time mums might not have much idea of what to expect but by my third, I did, and being belittled for my efforts was even more shocking.

Yes I had the exact same - midwives telling me things were/felt normal when I had done it before and absolutely knew what was going on wasn't normal.

Not meaning to derail OP's thread but what helped you most with coming to terms with it?

I feel like a lot of people are opting for C-sections now just because women are having such bad experiences giving birth in hospitals, and don't want to risk it.

Time, mostly, I’m afraid. The debrief did help, as did the admittance from the women involved. I suffered with flashbacks for a while - there was a point when I was sobbing to be my husband as to whether he could hear me, was I speaking out loud, as I was so gaslit and unheard I wondered if perhaps I was imagining speaking. That stayed and undermined my confidence for a long time. I’m not usually one who dwells, but I do think talking it out with people I trusted until I understood what happened was what I needed. Even if I did bore on for far too long!

This sounds utterly horrendous, I am aghast to read what happened to you OP. And also the minimising of your experience by some posters - pain should be managed at all stages, with compassion.

Some of your stories are just awful 😞. I think the policies in place are not the fault of the staff but the government do need to make changes and treat each case on a personal basis when making policies, especially regarding additional pain relief. Things like different areas for patients who cannot be with their baby’s, NICU is only small and in the hospital I worked at they had beds up there for the parents to be with their baby’s.

The inconsistency between different trusts is an issue, the NHS needs a massive change. ALL women should have a private room end of story, this needs to change and new hospitals need to be built to accommodate this. Where is the gap between shit NHS care (although life saving, the experience and trauma some women go through is terrible), or paying £30,000 to go private in London (where there are rarely life saving options available and you would need to be transferred to the nearest NHS hospital). There should be a middle ground but the government doesn’t care and has underfunded or wasted money in Maternity and in fact the whole NHS.

Then there is the other issue of the staff attitude, although of my Midwives antenatally were lovely, my baby’s health visitors too afterwards. I was also only asking for an epidural so early because I didn’t know that actually Entonox would have been great (in my case). They didn’t offer it to me and refused me when I asked. That could have been very useful and calming until I was allowed an epidural.

Also it’s the inconsistency between staff, one says one thing, another says something totally different. Are they actually following the policy or are they going off their own made up rules? Why is it all the women in the London antenatal ward were given entonox as soon as needed, and why did the Midwife finally demand it for me when all others had refused me, even lying about the availability. I can tell you now I have not been unreasonable as a patient, for those of you saying I was, you must not work in the NHS or you are in fact the type of staff member with this bad attitude we are all referring to.

This is what Midwives need to be equipped to handle every shift, women screaming out in pain and trying to coach the woman through her birth, focusing on breathing and calming her down. They can get birth partners involved in this process too. Is this not what Midwives are taught ‘to be with women’? That is a Midwife, a caring, compassionate person who when needed can advocate for her patients and get them what they need. My angel Midwife did just that, she was kind of no nonsense in her approach, but so lovely at the same time. I knew she couldn’t take the pain away but just her attitude and vibe calmed me down immensely and I trusted her. It’s a shame her colleagues couldn’t show the same empathy.

I was ranting about my personal experience on here, with hopes of finding advice on what happened next time for others. I obviously have a fear around birth now, for various reasons, one being the uncontrollable pain. I don’t agree with the policies in place and I know in my situation offering entonox and pethedine until an epidural was approved would have helped my pain level. I also think my baby must have been in a strange position, I will request my notes and see if anything is mentioned out of curiosity.