Denied pain relief in labour and now frightened about another birth

[Helpmefiguireitallout]

Thank you for reading, this is going to be a long post. My little girl is now 2 months old. I started losing my mucous plug and had water dripping out at 41 weeks around 5pm on the Friday. I phoned the birth centre and a lovely midwife told me to come in. I came in and she then said she examined me, told me my cervix was closed completely and to go home and call when things change. Well, I ended up getting my first contraction at home and from then on it was absolute agony. I was so shocked because the pain went from 0-100, around 3 in 10 minutes. I rang back and she told me to come back again. The car journey was awful.

She had to examine me again, this was absolutely awful as I was in so much pain but she was really calming and a total pro at examining so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been I suppose. So then here is where the problems started… she finished her night shift and had to go, but before she did, she examined me again and I was 1cm. I was then left with the most uncaring Midwife and students I have ever encountered.

I worked in a maternity ward for 7 years up until a couple of years ago, I still work in the NHS but in a clinic now. I am well aware of the good and bad, as well as what is usually offered to labouring women, I worked in a London Hospital, so it was busy busy busy. I also started training to become a Midwife myself but stopped for various reasons. I know how some Midwives can be as I witnessed it myself over the years, and I just hoped that I would be lucky and would get a nice team looking after me. Well that didn’t happen at all.

I was in a small birth centre room at this point screaming my head off in pain with every contraction and shaking uncontrollably. The Midwife gave me a shot of pethadine, which really seemed to help, although it didn’t take the pain away fully it stopped the shaking and made me really sleepy. They couldn’t examine me again for many hours which is fair enough to reduce the risk of infection but it would have been nice to know if I was any further along. Anyway they did examine me again eventually and was still 1cm, pain was obviously bad I was crying, was offered 2 x more pethadine that did nothing these 2 times but it did stop the shaking.

I was begging for an epidural but was told no repeatedly. The reason was because I wasn’t 4 cm yet, and in order to get an epidural it needs to be done in labour ward, but I am not allowed in labour ward until at least 4cm. I asked for gas and air, they said no repeatedly for the same reasons above. All they kept saying was to eat a sandwich, reapeatedly, I have never wanted to scream so badly in my life because they weren’t listening to me. I was telling them I can’t eat or drink… well I was trying to drink but eating was out of the question. I explained that I would throw up everywhere but they wouldn’t stop going on, they even got my Husband involved trying to convince me. I was crying telling them I don’t need a sandwich I need pain relief over and over again but they still wouldn’t accept me not eating until they brought me some toast which I physically couldn’t eat. They were actually laughing at me, saying what do you want me to do? WHAT I WANT IS PAIN RELIEF!

I was screaming in pain when the cherry on the cake arrived… they were going to move me to the shared antenatal ward. They did move me, still no gas and air allowed, I was screaming so loud with every contraction every few minutes. The other patients and partners were laughing and sniggering, also tutting. I am sure the other women were terrified that they had this level of pain to come too so they were probably laughing to distract themselves. I begged for pain relief and to be moved. They refused, still no gas and air allowed.

I know that on my ward women were given entonox on the antenatal ward, and it was no issue at all. They were also hurried through to labour ward for a private room if they were screaming the ward down and scaring other women. This went on for the whole night until around 8am when the first lovely Midwife came back on shift and came to see what all the screaming was about. She was asking the staff member why I was left in this state with no Entonox and not getting me over to labour ward? The staff member was arguing with her, she said I am the Midwife in charge go and get some entonox. Not even 2 minutes later I had Entonox… when they had lied to me earlier saying they don’t keep it on the antenatal ward it’s only on the labour ward they aren’t allowed to use it here. While having Entonox she examined me again and I was 4 cm. Finally!!! Moved to Labour ward. She was an actual angel… I feel like she saved me.

I took the gas with me not letting it out of my mouth and I was in heaven, the pain was like waves of a feeling but no pain at all. Why had they denied me this for so long? Anyway, straight to Labour ward where a lovely anaesthetist gave me an epidural. It was amazing! I had to press a button every 30 mins but before I was allowed I had to ask the Midwife to take my blood pressure before topping up. They broke my waters and they were full of meconium, I then started getting a really high temperature.

This is when the problems started again… her and her student went on their break at the same time and by the time they got back the epidural had stopped working. They didn’t believe me… and kept telling me to press the button which I was but it wasn’t doing anything, turns out it was empty. I was finally allowed a top up and the anaesthetist arrived to fit another supply. She must have accidentally done something wrong as from then on it was all agony and screaming again, the Midwife and student didn’t believe me until finally the anaesthetist came back again and tried to figure out why it had stopped working.

At this point the shaking started uncontrollably again. I asked for gas & air while we waited for her to return as she was busy and had to leave. I was in my element with the gas and air and they kept trying to take it off me as I was using it too much. It got to around 2pm and doctors came in to review me as I was now 7cm but had been 7cm for far too long with no progression. They decided to do an emergency c section. My epidural was topped up in theatre and actually worked this time.

I was shaking so hard they had to strap me down. My little girl was born and had an infection, had breathed in her meconium so was struggling to breathe and was taken to NICU. She had breathing tube, feeding tube and cannulas. The treatment postnatally was an absolute shit show and my baby wasn’t with me I had just got to give her a kiss on the operating table when she was whisked away. They put me in a postnatal ward with everyone else’s babies. I asked them if they thought this was appropriate considering my baby was in NICU and I was still numb… couldn’t meet her properly yet. The Midwife responded by saying what is the problem with being around other babies??? We can’t give you a private room! I persisted that it was not nice and they moved us to a private room.

We were both on antibiotics and eventually she came down to join me in a shared NICU/Postnatal ward. We were then both moved back to the postnatal ward which was hell. Purely because of the noise, other families are so so inconsiderate and loud. We had people moving furniture around and throwing suitcases around at 2am. The woman next to me had a drug problem and social services were taking her baby away. We got to hear her whole life story from the other side of the curtain. It was awful… she was kicking off constantly and then crying constantly, part of me felt sorry for her. It was a lot to deal with, we all complained but they wouldn’t give her a private room so we all had to listen to her on the phone constantly to social workers about her court case the next day and her baby being removed.

We were finally discharged after a total of 5 days. I don’t know if I can go through this again but eventually I want to give my daughter a sibling. I am terrified of being left in pain again until 4cm, what if the same happens again? Personally I think as soon as they broke my waters and saw the meconium and my high temp and high blood pressure, they should have took me for a c section straight away. I sit here and think sometimes how long was my little girl struggling for in there… thank god they got her out when they did. Why did they hang around though? It was hours and hours since they broke my waters.

I am obviously going to ask for a planned c section next time, if there is a next time. I have lost all trust in that hospital and all medical staff. I feel like a couple of them enjoyed watching me suffer. All I needed was the gas & air and I was coping really well but they denied me this for 13 hours, only when that angel Midwife came on shift and got me some was I able to cope. Has anyone ever experienced similar and what did you do for your next babies?

I have so much empathy here. My first was a breeze despite a lot of tearing and a delayed pushing stage. 2nd and 3rd were not. One PROM in a massively understaffed packed ward, failure to progress due to lack of privacy (the druggie in the next bed describing every half an hour about how she had found her partner dead in bed beside her didn’t help) and finally privacy and epidural all pale into the 3rd which was v similar to yours but midwife and student calling me lazy and not very maternal for refusing to push when I knew I shouldn’t (baby turned out to be transverse oblique) and they refused an epidural til it was too late. Husband also utterly ignored.

I had a debrief about 6m later when it became clear I had some sort of PTSD. I said how I realised so many women go over and over their births like Uncle Albert because like him, our bodies have fought an awful war and we have to talk it out to get past it. I received full apologies, statements from the investigation, and agreements that they would receive a lot of training, an offer of long term therapy and some closure but in all honesty, it was time and concentration on the babies which
have moved me past it all.

It’s been 6 years and I rarely think of it now. I hope that your hormones kick in and blur some of it for you. I would ask for that debrief and keep talking it out.

She got pethadine which is a pain relief and then gas and air. And then an epidural. All forms of pain relief

And she was still in pain ..
So it should have been reassesed

OP, it only happened two months ago. Give yourself some time.

It took me a long time to recover from my second birth. My first birth was much longer, whereas my second was very straightforward with no complications but incredibly fast.

I went in with uncomfortable, random contractions and found out I was 4 cm. They broke my waters after that because they were worried about the baby’s movements, and I went from 5 cm to 10 cm in less than 20 minutes. The pain was absolute hell and I was so scared. The midwife didn’t believe me when I said I had an urge to push: she said it was “impossible”. There wasn’t even time for paracetamol; things escalated so quickly.

What I’m saying is that these things take time to heal. Two years later, I’m currently pregnant with my third, and I feel like I’m not scared anymore.

I do think some of your requests were a little unreasonable, though. I can understand asking for gas and air or an epidural when you were in severe pain, although personally, if it were my first birth and I was only 1 cm, I would consider asking for an epidural at that point quite extreme. I appreciate that pain is subjective and that there isn't actually a rule saying you can't have one that early; I just wouldn't personally expect it.

The private room was also, in my opinion, an unreasonable expectation. There are women who have had stillbirths, contagious illnesses or other circumstances where they may specifically need those rooms, so I can understand why the hospital has to prioritise them.

I’m not on board with the Mumsnet “just get a C-section instead” either. A C-section is major surgery and is absolutely the right option when it is medically necessary, but I wouldn't personally choose one simply because I was frightened of labour.

What I am genuinely interested in, though, is the amount of pain you were experiencing at only 1 cm. I’m definitely not a pain denier — I literally told my midwife to cut my baby out of me and let me die — but I’d be interested to know whether there was a particular reason for the severity of the pain.
I wonder whether things like the baby's position, the strength/frequency of the contractions, cervical changes, or something else could explain having such severe pain so early on.

I completely agree with you about it being horrific and unacceptable that medical staff seem to dismiss women's pain as a matter of course, particularly during birth. But they're just as shit in other situations (no pain relief was given to my 6 year old after brain surgery, despite him rocking and screaming in pain; no pain relief was given to the similar aged child who woke up screaming in recovery, begging for help. Staff then lied to the mother about it). Training for the entire profession needs a serious reboot.

OP, I would complain about being dismissed, pain relief denied and given the ridiculous advice to 'eat a sandwich' when you were screaming in agony. I would also opt for a planned c-section next time.

I don't think that type of sarcastic questioning is necessary.

As another poster has said, everyone experiences pain differently and everyone has different pain thresholds. None of us have any idea what the OP's pain was like; it's impossible to know. People should be believed when describing their own symptoms though.

Women always seem to be women's biggest enemies... 🙄

They’ll give you the section, even if you go into labour early as long as it’s not too far along they’ll still section you. What a horrific experience, that ward sounds awful.

What a nasty comment

100
So much judgement around birth

I’m so sorry you had such a dreadful experience. My first birth was traumatic so I totally get it. My personal view is that when labour is that painful, that early on, it’s a sign that something isn’t right - not necessarily in a clinical sense but the baby’s position, for example, or the readiness of your cervix.

What helped me, and I wish I’d done it sooner, was to request my notes and then make a formal complaint about my care. A birth reflections appointment helped. Proper therapy can help - I’d encourage raising this with your health visitor as you should be able to access perinatal mental health support at this stage but they can make you jump through a lot of hoops. I also found the Birth Trauma Association’s Facebook page to be helpful.

I did go on to have a second, with an ELlCS, at a different hospital. I found the perinatal mental health team approach to antenatal issues to be to delay as much as possible and fob off before announcing it was too late so you may refer to see someone effective privately if it’s an option.

Good luck

Thank you everyone for your replies. I am so sorry to hear about some of your stories, some far worse than my own. Honestly I completely understand the reasonings behind not giving a woman gas and air for the entire labour as it might have made me ill. I don’t understand their attitude or their policies. Surely an agreement could have been made… seeing as I was struggling so bad so early on. Perhaps some gas and then an epidural later on may have worked. I wasn’t offered gas until the second day. Also I felt genuinely shocked at how I couldn’t handle the pain, believe me. So those comments from judgement women are unnecessary and cruel. It was nothing like the build up of pain that was described to me, there was no build up, it was 0-100. My cousin said perhaps me having an infection caused the pain to be so bad as something was wrong. She also said hopefully next time my labour will be shorter, I will dilate quicker and hopefully won’t have an active infection. The baby was obviously distressed and I wasn’t progressing. This probably all had a hand in the pain, the staff didn’t coach me through my breathing or try to help at all. My Husband was coaching me trying to get me to breathe through each contraction. Honestly I just expected more compassion. I know I had pethedine but as I said after the first dose it didn’t do anything for the pain. I honestly thought I would handle birth really well, I have gynae issues and really bad periods along terrible ovulation pain. I thought all this would prepare me for labour, boy was I wrong. 😑 it’s the type of pain that matters, this was a type of pain I had never had in my life. It took over my whole body like fire burning from the uterus outwards and completely drowned me in pain.

Time will help you. And it sounds like a planned c section would take away the problems?
Phone and ask for a debrief with a consultant. You might find they have as many questions as you and will grant you a planned c section next time no problem.

I never had any help with breathing etc either. I did read Hollie de Cruz's book on hypnobirthing and it def helped with breathing techniques

I've had lovely midwives for my births and also no help with breathing effectively (even when on gas and air). I think that's a perk rather than something they have to do. I'm not saying it wouldn't be nice! But I don't think that your experience is unusual in that respect.

I’m not aware that there is a linear graph in childbirth with amount dilated on one axis and amount of pain on the other. Clearly a lot of people believe that graph exists, but I don’t think it does. An association, but no graph.

I do get that there may be medical reasons not to intervene at a very early stage in labour. Always, presumably to be balanced out with the pain being experienced.

I also remember feeling utterly out of control in my head, but apparently I was looking calm. I’ve never forgotten that feeling of extreme panic with everyone around me apparently ignoring me.

My first labour was similar pain, it was so intense I couldn’t scream i was completely silent and writhing, shaking in pain, vomiting non stop (we all deal with pain differently) and nobody believed me, and nobody gave me pain relief despite begging and crying for it for hours. I wasn’t checked, I wasn’t listened to, I was left like that for over 48 hours (i was on a shared ward because my waters had broken at home the day before and they told me to come in)
It was beyond patronising and I’ve never felt pain like it, and it was constant (not in waves) for over 48 hours.
I was eventually given an epidural and it was pure bliss. Baby eventually born healthy luckily but i was traumatised by the whole experience.

I even at one point had an older midwife (whom I was begging to check me so I could get an epidural as I couldn’t cope any more) roll her eyes, and tell me ‘well what did you expect, of course it’s going to be painful, stop being so silly. If you think you’re in pain now my girl you have no idea what’s to come’ whilst laughing at me.

I’ve had two more baby’s since, and yes it’s bloody painful but nowhere near the pain i experienced with my first. It is how people explain it should be, waves of extreme pain (extremely painful but with hypnobirthing it was just about manageable) but not constant wanting to die type pain like my first was.

I actually had both subsequent baby’s without even asking for pain relief as it was so manageable in comparison to my first labour, but even so, I felt I was listened to and if I had wanted it I would have been given it and not fobbed off. They were also much quicker (i suppose my body knew what to do, both were under 2 hours from first contraction to birth) but just although painful they were hugely positive experiences for me and helped heal a lot of the previous fear and trauma.

It was a different hospital with my other baby’s, which I think helped as a lot of friends and family I know who gave birth at the first hospital also said they felt ignored and that the midwives were deliberately sadistic in their attitude towards women.

OP, you didnt deserve to be treated as you were. A lot of your distress i feel could have been prevented by listening to you, giving you pain relief as appropriate (and if not able to then explaining to you properly and finding out why you were in such extreme pain instead of just them assuming you were being a baby about it)

I always say, if men had to go through labour i guarantee it would have been made a lot nicer, and more pain relief options from the start.

Hi if you live in the UK, you can request a call with a midwife who will talk you through your birth experience and answer any questions you have. I was referred to this service through a health visitor. I hope you can get answers and Im sorry that you had such a traumatic experience! X

I am really sorry you were treated like that.

My first birth was pretty horrific and, while some complications were just bad luck, there were several aspects of care that I am still angry about. (Including abrupt removal of gas and air for no apparent reason and a midwife not believing pain afterwards and treating me like I was lazy - there were actually quite sigficant complications that no one had realised yet).

My eldest is 14yo and I'm still angry about some of this.

But for my second, I chose to go to a different hospital. Myself and my husband went in ready to be a bit more confident and demanding. And had just the loveliest staff. Whereas too many of the staff at the first hospital just seemed too ready to criticise, the staff at the second hospital were just all really really nice and supportive. The vibe was just totally different.

I know lots of people who had a baby at the first hospital and had really positive experiences. But I didn't want to go back and going to a completely different hospital made a big difference to how I felt about it.

When my eldest was 2 months old, I was still very traumatised by the birth and if anyone asked if I would have another I was certain that I would never do that again. It is very early days for you.

Poor you OP, that sounds awful. To @tpwk why such a nasty comment. So pointless and mean.

I got to 2cm in my first birth, after 2 doses of gel, PROM and several hours on the drip (was having contractions for nearly 48 hours total). Every contraction felt like a hand made of knives was gripping my abdomen. I had thought that nothing could be as bad as having dry socket in two gums after wisdom.tooth surgery - i was very wrong. Turned out my baby was back to back with face presentation and I had to have an EMCS to get him out safely. I was so fortunate to have caring midwives who ensured I got pain relief when I asked for it, and who advocated for me all the way through. Supportive midwives make the biggest difference when you are scared, in pain and exhausted.

Sorry that your labour sounded really tough however I do think you were out of order expecting a private room before and after the birth. If you want private then pay for it.

I’ve had 4 babies vaginally, and probably the most pain of all of them was the early stages of my first labour! I was pretty shocked by how bad the pain was early on with #1.

The pain wasn’t even anywhere near what it was in the first Labour. The others were all quickly forgotten.

I sympathise with you cos both of my births went from 0-100. With my first, my waters broke first and was about 30mins before my contractions started and I was doubled over in agony with each one within about 30mins of them starting, which I definitely had not expected. (I was also alone cos it was 1:30am, partner worked away and it was 10 days before due date) Like you I expected more build up. The position in the car was also awful for me and I couldn't cope being on my back once I was in the hospital.
I was checked, told I was 3cms and had a few hrs to go yet (since first labours don't tend to progress that fast) and given some paracetamol 😅😭 I remember thinking I can't do this for hours, we were less than 2 hours in at this point and every contraction had me doubled over the bed whimpering (not a screamer) My mum lasted about 20mins watching me before getting someone for a 2nd look! They watched one round of contractions and moved me to the labour ward. Thank the midwife! This is where I was lucky though, the extent of my pain was down to how quickly I was progressing. They moved me, popped me on the bed with some gas and air whilst they ran the pool and I by the time they checked again I was already 10cm. If my darling boy didnt have such a massive head, my whole labour would have been 5hrs from first contraction, as it was it was under 7.

You definitely have a right to complain about their attitude and poor communication with a first time mum, but with kindness it sounds like you might need to process some of the trauma around your level of pain first, and maybe have the birth debrief others have suggested, just because there are rules around how much pain relief it is safe to give and when, and you said they gave you 3 lots of pethidine before you hit 4cms at which point they gave you gas and air, and then an epidural when the time was right. A birth debrief would hopefully let you know if there was any more they could have reasonably given you. And I say that with sympathy, cos as I said, as someone who's contractions and pain also went from 0-100 I would not of wanted to cope much longer than I did without gas and air.

A birth debrief and some counselling for the trauma should hopefully give you some clarity for a complaint that will be taken seriously about their subpar attitude towards you.

I'm terms of a possible baby number 2. A friend had a very traumatic birth due to baby 1 getting stuck in the birth canal, so had a planned c section for the 2nd and said the experiences were like night and day and the 2nd one was a lovely calm experience.
I hope you are managing to enjoy you beautiful baby. X

So sorry you had this experience OP. Tbh, you can’t fully appreciate how hard a traumatic birth can be unless you’ve experienced it yourself, so anyone saying you were overreacting at 1cm can jog on (the infection you mentioned probably at least partly accounts for this).

Do consider making a formal complaint to the hospital and/or a debrief if you feel up to it. I had my daughter over 2 years ago and it’s only recently I’ve been able to talk about her birth. Now (very) pregnant with no2 and have requested an elective C section at a different hospital. This wasn’t a problem and the hospital have even acknowledged given my past experience it makes sense.

Don’t feel you have to make a decision right away, OP - you’re very much likely still raw from this (of course you are!) but therapy may help you find some closure. Sending lots of healing hugs your way x