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Original poster

How long after birth before visitors?

32 replies

pleasechange · 20/05/2008 13:20

How long do you think it's reasonable to wait after the baby is born before visitors should arrive? I was thinking DH only on the same day, no visitors until the next day

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MrsBadger · 20/05/2008 13:22

depends how you feel

issue an invitation when you feel up to it. Do not say in advance 'oh yes you can all dome the next day' in case you decide you don't want to see them

Personally, I gave birth at 8am and invited people over at 3pm because I knew they'd bring cake...

NatalieJaneIsPregnantAgain · 20/05/2008 13:22

I think it depends on you, your situation, how the birth went, when (as in what time) you gave birth.

After DS1 I'd have been quite happy to be left alone for months weeks, but when I had DS2 I could have hosted a dinner party for 100 12 hours later!

I'd say tell every1 to stay away for x number of days, and then play it by ear, if you feel up to it then invite them sooner.

MrsBadger · 20/05/2008 13:23

'you can all come the next day'

EffiePerine · 20/05/2008 13:24

we had visitors in hospital then no-one at all for 2 weeks

(extreme but 2 annoying families)

belgo · 20/05/2008 13:24

ask them to phone to arrange a visiting time.

francagoestohollywood · 20/05/2008 13:32

With ds I had friends and family around the very moment we were taken to our room. I remember my best friend spreading butter and jam on toast for me... it was lovely and I was happy to see people I love meeting our first child, despite the exhaistion.

Dd was born in England, so no one around, apart from dh, ds and my mum. Mum and ds visited 2 or 3 hrs after birth.

Original poster
pleasechange · 20/05/2008 13:32

DH wants his mum to come on the day the baby is born. My mum might be there on the day (having to fly from abroad), but I know I'd feel very different about having my mum pop in when I might be feeling exhausted etc., compared to DH's mum

OP posts:
francagoestohollywood · 20/05/2008 13:32

exhaustion

scottishmummy · 20/05/2008 13:39

personal prefernce and choice when to see guests. up to you. most people do understand

nickytwotimes · 20/05/2008 13:40

put them off as long as possible. i'm still angry about the way certain family memebers carried on after ds was born and he's almost 2!

Original poster
pleasechange · 20/05/2008 13:55

lol nickytwotimes you sound like me - i just know that if people turn up uninvited I also will silently rage for years!

OP posts:
tigana · 20/05/2008 14:00

Didn't mind vistors, ward was SO dull.
Still not quite got over DH's lovely but loud ( they live in country with no neighbours which seems to have dulled their awareness of other people having ears too) family turning up smelling of poo (the farmer nearby had been muck spreading, they hadn't realsied the smell had clung to their clothes, even during the 2 hour drive to the hospital...).

Pidge · 20/05/2008 14:08

I was alright for the first couple of days, then crashed for about 2 weeks and wanted to lie low. So you really need to see how you feel. And most importantly your partner needs to be prepared to see people off, if that's what you need.

Also, I wish I'd asked for more privacy when trying to get the hang of breastfeeding. To start with the only way I could do it at all was to whip my top off completely, which I didn't really fancy with various family members or friends around.

usernamechanged345 · 20/05/2008 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bubblagirl · 20/05/2008 19:53

i had visitors same day i think you get so proud you jsut want to show baby off

they are always understanding if your too tired and want to be left in peace after half hour or so but even though i was tired really enjoyed the company

MKG · 20/05/2008 20:44

With ds1 My mom, sister, and niece were there 45 min later. With ds2 my inlaws came about 4 hours after the birth, was so happy to see them as they brought home-made dinner.

whomovedmychocolate · 20/05/2008 20:49

I said 'anyone can come while I'm in hospital but no one can stay at the house for a month.' MiL tried to ignore this and DH evicted her before I returned home.

This time I'm having a home birth so I am saying no visitors for 24 hours then they can come, but not stay. Except my mum who is looking after DD.

vermilion · 20/05/2008 20:49

Next time I would say a firm no for a few weeks tbh

People simply don't care if you are worrying about feeding or expressing and won't think of it, and you won't tell them. If you are happy trying to latch a reluctant newborn on in front of your uncles, then fine. The temptation is to leave it all until they go and then you feel like shite because you wanted to express but didn't want to be rude even though you knew expressing was more important (though tbh much of parenting follows that pattern, maybe it's best to get used to it )

thisisyesterday · 20/05/2008 20:51

another same day one here. had ds2 at home at 12.21 and mum arrived with ds1 at about 2ish, dad, brother and my best friend at around half 4.
we all had chinese and it was lovely.
was bloody knackered by the end of the day though lol

it's completely up to you though. you have to do what you're comfortable with

Romy7 · 20/05/2008 21:03

er... six hours after DS arrived I had a camera crew and two reporters from the local rag at the end of my bed... in fact some of my mates knew I'd given birth because they saw me on the local news that night... is that not normal?

Hulababy · 20/05/2008 21:04

DD was born on the Friday evening, and my parents visited in the hospital the next day. My MIL (FIL was in hospital himself) and my sister came the day after.

I went home on day 3 and had visitors that day - all through choice.

You have to do what is best for you.

OneLieIn · 20/05/2008 21:08

About 2 years!

blameitontheboobie · 20/05/2008 21:11

I had a homebirth and had thought it would be just DH, newbaby and me for as long as we wanted. Hadn't counted on my mother suprising us less than an hour after DD was born. Grrrrrrrr. Then within 2 hours of the birth I had my inlaws, my parents, sister and brother in law all around the bed. I didn't mind too much at the time due to all the gas and air but looking back I wish it had just been DH and I for at last a few hours on our own! Then we had visitors non stop for the next 4 weeks! I am exhausted just thinking about it!

BetsyBoop · 20/05/2008 23:08

it all depends on how you are feeling, how the birth went, what time of day, if you are trying to establish b/fing etc.

The advantage of getting visitors "out the way" whilst you are still in hospital is that the length of time they can stay will be limited by visiting hours (my hospital was 1.5hrs in the afternoon & 1.5hrs in the early evening (apart from Dad's or birth partner) NO EXCEPTIONS) - the disadvantage is that you might not feel up to it.

If they visit you at home they are harder to get rid of

This is where DH needs to be the "crowd controller", with "right everyone you need to be making a move as DW needs to rest or feed/bath/put to bed baby" etc - somehow no one takes offence at "over-protective new Dad", whereas it would be much harder for you to tell MIL to bugger off,IYKWIM

Best bet is to make it clear beforehand to EVERYONE that APPOINTMENTS to visit are to be made via DH!

MrsTittleMouse · 21/05/2008 10:32

I would also suggest that people phone you 20 minutes before said appointments to make sure that it's still OK. My lovely cousin phoned and was very nice about asking if it was OK to visit the next day. We said that it was fine. Fast forward to the next day, when I was doing my first poo post-birth (sorry TMI), completely terrified about my stitches, taking ages and DD was screaming for a feed, at exactly the time that he was due to turn up. Thank God he was late!