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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Telling people you're in labour

34 replies

SparkleUK · 04/02/2020 20:43

Just wondering people's thoughts on their plans or previous experiences?

I'm 38 weeks with 1st so could be a few more weeks yet and yesterday my mum told me multiple times I need to tell my fiancé to tell her when I'm in labour going into hospital and then once he's born as otherwise she'll worry.

I've also got my gran asking me to ask him to tell her how things go as she'll be worried and was asking me if I'll just be in the one day or not.

I'm getting really stressed out because I want a really private birth with just my OH and then a few hours afterwards to ourselves without feeling we're beholden to updating people and surely it will worry them more to know as labour can take hours/days?! I also know labour may be unpredictable and painful but having people telling me how worried they'll be is also really not helpful as I'm fairly calm about it as an inevitable process to having our baby!

Maybe just me but keen to hear thoughts or how you broached the subject.

OP posts:
Fantababy · 04/02/2020 20:56

I only told my mum (who told my dad) as DD was prem and she came round to 'nest' for me as I hadn't got round to doing anything myself yet! Didn't bother telling anyone else as we didn't want them to worry or to keep texting to see what was going on.

We did tell everyone as soon as DD was born though.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 04/02/2020 21:02

I need to tell my fiancé to tell her when I'm in labour going into hospital and then once he's born as otherwise she'll worry.

Well the obvious solution to that is not telling her you’re in labour and then she can’t worry. Just tell her when baby is born.

OP tell them all “yes, of course I’ll tell you when I’m in labour” then don’t tell them anything until after the baby is born and you’re ready to have people visit. Then then they snipe about you not telling them you were in labour you say “of course I didn’t bloody tell you! You were ridiculous to even ask” Wink

annlee3817 · 04/02/2020 21:34

My parents knew as we were living with them at the time and my Mum was my other birthing partner. My husband text his parents when it all kicked off as felt it wasn't fair, but no one else until a few hours after DD was born. To be fair it all started in the early hours of the morning and she was here before breakfast, so no one had any time to whittle

Minty82 · 04/02/2020 21:40

Nope, didn’t tell anyone things were underway until the babies were safely here - I hated the idea of people speculating over how how it might be going!

WombatStewForTea · 04/02/2020 21:48

I had my first yesterday...only person we told was my MIL because she lives round the corner and we needed her to watch the dog! Didn't tell my mum, dad or anyone else. Then we FaceTimed them after and surprised them which was lovely!

happytoday73 · 04/02/2020 21:49

We kept it quiet... But I did let my mum know as she had rang early in the morning while I was in early labour ... Wish I hadn't just for the stress it put her through.. It was a long labour and she rang the labour ward at 3am to be told they couldn't tell her anything (after saying I was slowly progressing at 10.30pm)... She was then very worried, walked the house all night.

I'd just tell her when baby arrives... She will likely want to hear your voice and that you & baby are fine. Can then say in delivery suite so can't have visitors till x time. This gives you time together with your new baby before she arrives...

AutumnGlitterBall · 04/02/2020 21:53

The first time, I went into labour overnight and we told no-one until he was born. Second time was in the evening and I only phoned my sister as she was coming to stay to look after my older child. DH went home a couple of hours after the birth so he told her. We then told everyone else in the morning.

Just don’t tell anyone. If they worked it out and came to the hospital, they wouldn’t be allowed into the labour ward anyway unless they’re a birth partner.

Damnthatonestaken1 · 04/02/2020 21:58

Didn't tell anyone with my first. My sister still hasn't forgiven me. Mum, and sister, knew with my second as she was looking after my first.

nousername95 · 04/02/2020 21:59

There's absolutely no need to tell anyone. Besides, if they don't know you're in labour how can they worry! I only told my mum (and partner of course) as they were to be in the delivery room with me!

Megan2018 · 04/02/2020 22:01

I was in for induction on my due date so family knew that, but we told them nothing until she was born and we’d had an hour or two in out bubble.

Do what you like, bugger anyone else’s wishes. This is all about you and your OH.

Smiffette · 05/02/2020 14:25

My DH and I are the same, we don't want to tell anyone as I know if I told my mum, who I am very close to, she would be at the Hospital whatever time of day/night.
I just think it's such a private and overwhelming experience the thought of people popping in hours after birth gives me anxiety. We've said providing it's straightforward and we are home with I 24 hours, we will tell them then once we are comfortable.

22+2

Teacaketotty · 05/02/2020 14:28

My DH made the mistake of telling his mum, within the hour his grandparents, parents and brother and his girlfriend were all waiting downstairs! Despite being told by both of us not to come.

They were swiftly sent home - however we wont be telling anyone next time!

user1493413286 · 05/02/2020 14:29

I wouldn’t tell anyone; when my sister and best friend told me they were in labour I found that I was really anxious and couldn’t sleep so I’m not sure that anyone will actually want you to in reality.
I’ve got a planned section and while people know the date I’m not going to tell people the time/when I’m going in as I don’t want the pressure to have to send people pictures and updates straight away when I want to enjoy time with my baby

20viona · 05/02/2020 14:33

I was induced and I only told my mum and my best friend. And I told them don't pester me don't ask me what's going on I'll be in touch they perfectly respected my wishes.

Pipandmum · 05/02/2020 14:38

My husband told my parents who had no intention of just showing up, (in fact I was a bit put out my mother didn't come visit me in hospital as I was there four days, especially as my dad came). My husband had to tell his work as well that I'd gone in to hospital as my baby arrived earlier than expected so he has to tell them he was not going to work for a day or two (after the birth he worked while I was still in hospital then took his parental leave when we got out). No idea when he told his own parents, but no one came to the hospital (other than my dad as I said). We didn't dictate that it just seemed like they were waiting to be invited.
I was in slightly longer with my second as she had to go to NICU for a few days and I think my parents came to visit, my husband brought my son and a dear friend who was due the following week (bringing Krispy Kreme donuts)! Again no one else till invited.

UnexpectedItemInTheShaggingAre · 05/02/2020 14:39

I’m not planning on telling anyone except my parents/teenage d sis. (and that’s only because I’ll ask them to watch d dog.)

It’s totally up to you.

katienana · 05/02/2020 14:46

My husband rang my mum when I was in hospital and we thought I was quite close to giving birth because we wanted her there. She told my siblings and my dad obviously which was fine. My dad went to work bless him but had to leave after a couple of hours because he couldn't concentrate. Anyway it was another 6 hours from when we phoned my mum to the baby actually arriving.
I've been on the other side of it too, my sister was in labour for 24 hours which ended in an emergency c section at 11pm. We stayed up as late as we could I cannot tell you the relief when we got the call to say she and the baby were fine! The thing is if things take a long time or you go overdue it will be difficult to keep it secret anyway, because if you dont answer the phone then it will be obvious. If your mum finds her calls ignored she might get really anxious. I think it's best to reassure her that you will let her know when you go in to hospital, but not to expect to hear again until after the baby is born. You can decide to wait a few extra hours if you want but if you dont want visitors they will be turned away anyway.
I hope everyone involved can respect your wishes as in this situation what you want does come first.

DreamingOfSummerDays · 05/02/2020 14:47

My labour started sometime before 4am.. in and out of hospital till I was admitted at 7pm. We didn't tell anyone till I was admitted. Baby was born just before 11pm.

We only told our mums. And he did send a few quick texts to the new granny's once baby was here. It didn't take away from our time with our new arrival.

After an hour I was rushed off to theatre, as the placenta hadn't delivered. I don't know whether or not OH was updating people while I was in theatre.
My point is something things happen and all plan goes out the window.

Good luck with your labour x

Willow4987 · 05/02/2020 14:49

We felt the same and didn’t want the constant bombardment of texts while I was in labour.

In the end we decided the DH would text our parents when I went into hospital that I was in labour but that we wouldn’t be sending any updates until DS arrived and not to text/call as we both wanted to be able to focus on the job at hand. No one was offended and it curved their desire to know what was going on without putting anymore pressure on us

Candlecandle · 05/02/2020 20:18

I told my close friend, aunt and sister. (Who all wanted to know but were all great about not messaging.) But didn't want my parents worrying so I just sent my Dad a text early the next morning saying 'She's here!!' He said it was the best text he ever got 😍

ToTravelIsToLive · 06/02/2020 12:24

How will they worry if they don't know your in labour? I only told my parents because I couldn't get hold of dh so needed them to take me to hospital. Dh met us at the hospital as I was discharged and I didn't make contact with them until baby was born. In laws knew nothing until baby was born. Last thing I wanted was dh distracted updating everyone

ToTravelIsToLive · 06/02/2020 12:25

Should say they weren't contacted until 3 hours after he was born and passed visiting time. although I refused visitors as well. Best decision having 3 blissful days just us

Chickenitalia · 06/02/2020 12:28

Don’t tell anyone, simple. We didn’t with our first and good job too as dd took all day, would not have wanted the constant messages and calls that would have followed.
With ds we had to call my parents as they were looking after dd, but they only just arrived in time as ds had other ideas and arrived at home very speedily.
If you don’t need help with other dc or pets, don’t say a word.

tiddlerthefish · 06/02/2020 12:34

Nope. I never told anyone first time. My waters broke a few days before my due date and I had to go in the next day to be induced when nothing else happened. Didn't tell a soul (except DH obvs, he was there!). Good job too because it took 3 days for DD to be born. I just rang everyone once she was here although my mum had figured it out anyway because we'd disappeared Grin

Second time I had an ELCS and my mum knew because she was my childcare for DC1. We also told the rest of our parents the date because it seemed a bit mean not to, and we knew it'd all be done and dusted within a couple of hours. They were really good though, no messages just waited to hear from us. I wouldn't have told them if they were pushy annoying sorts though.

Blackbear19 · 06/02/2020 12:38

How will they worry if they don't know your in labour?

Exactly my thoughts.

However we told nobody, for DC1, he was born at 4am, so we waited until morning to call.
My mum commented we could have called earlier, she'd been awake since 4am. Something woke her but she didn't know what!

DC2 was induced my family knew. The IL's were told I would be induced but dismissed it 'Oh no they won't. They let friends DD go over her date'.Confused WTF? I couldn't be ass to correct them so never updated them.

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