Telling people you're in labour

[SparkleUK]

Just wondering people's thoughts on their plans or previous experiences?

I'm 38 weeks with 1st so could be a few more weeks yet and yesterday my mum told me multiple times I need to tell my fiancé to tell her when I'm in labour going into hospital and then once he's born as otherwise she'll worry.

I've also got my gran asking me to ask him to tell her how things go as she'll be worried and was asking me if I'll just be in the one day or not.

I'm getting really stressed out because I want a really private birth with just my OH and then a few hours afterwards to ourselves without feeling we're beholden to updating people and surely it will worry them more to know as labour can take hours/days?! I also know labour may be unpredictable and painful but having people telling me how worried they'll be is also really not helpful as I'm fairly calm about it as an inevitable process to having our baby!

Maybe just me but keen to hear thoughts or how you broached the subject.

I told no one
The “if you don’t tell me I’d worry” makes no sense
Unless she is worried 24/7 how would she worry if she has no clue?

Don’t tell her

With my first I didn't want anyone to know because couldn't be bothered with either mine or my husband's phones going off constantly with people wanting updates. I text my dad to let him know I was on my way in purely because of the time we went in I needed somebody to go let the dog out but he left us to it then.

Currently 33 weeks with my second and if I could I wouldn't tell anybody this time either but will have to so somebody can care for DD1 so husband can come with me.

While you've only got one, enjoy the peace and quiet just the two of you and don't tell anyone else!

Thank you all for your replies! Good to hear different points.

Completely agree about the worrying thing, confused me that she said she would worry unless I tell her as surely knowing then not hearing would make you worry more 🤔. They've both said they'd be worried about me and the care I would receive and the good old 'I'll understand once I have a child'.

I'd be really worried about the potential of turning up and my gran is overbearing to the point where I come away from visiting her everytime with anxiety (she thinks I'm her own child at 26 and has made comments about ours already that scare me!) so I think it's best to keep to ourselves. I'm relaxed about my mum visiting but for our first I'd rather just know it was between us and about us.

We do have two dogs so we've said we will probably have to tell someone but we think it may be OH's dad as he is the most gentle, keep out of anything until explicitly involved type and I'd be far less distracted or worried thinking about him than anyone else

I can't imagine not telling my parents & siblings I was in labour. They'd be very offended if I didn't, as I would if one of my sisters/SIL went into labour and didn't tell us. They shared the journey of it all.

They'd never dream of putting it on Facebook or turning up at the hospital or anything silly like that. I think it depends on your family and relationship with them.

We told close family and friends. But then, we knew they'd be sensitive enough not to expect updates... let alone just turn up!

DM knew as we were living with her at the time. Sister knew as she was texting me in labour trying to get me round for tea so I had to tell her. She probably suspected anyway as I was 4 days overdue. Tbh, I probably would have told her anyway as we're very close.
DH told MIL and FIL. MIL promptly let it slip to SIL.
The only person who badgered for info was DM. Although ILs probably did to DH but he didn't tell me.

My mum wanted to know too. Zero chance of her showing up though as she lives far away. I just let DH handle all comms :)

I think if there is a risk they'll turn up, don't tell them and say you forgot during all the excitement.

I wouldn't (and didn't) tell anyone, particularly someone who is threatening to worry about it.

Of course if they are the kind of person who is ringing or messaging you several times a day in late pregnancy just to check if anything has happened yet, then it may be hard not to tell them, but I would try to manage that in advance by asking people not to keeping checking - it is the worst thing about the last few weeks of pregnancy, particularly if you go over your due date.

So glad for this thread, thank you op!
I feel exactly the same as you - I’m really private and don’t like the idea of everyone knowing and then chasing for updates. I had to go in for monitoring recently and afterwards we told parents “had to spend today in the antenatal unit but it’s all fine so nobody needs to worry”. Mil then text outright “well what happened to make you need monitoring all day!” Politely explained I didn’t want to discuss my medical details but dh felt strongly that I should let people know I’d been in (wont be doing so again!) she then proceeded to ask him multiple times what it was for and try and guilt him into saying something “ohh I’ve been worried sick not knowing what it was”
I’ve said I don’t want anyone knowing we’ve gone in and after baby arrives we will take our time and tell when ready. Dh wants to tell more people and says he will manage the texts from everyone but I just don’t want it - and i know his mum won’t be able to keep her mouth shut so the whole bloody phone book willl know I’m in the middle of trying to deliver a baby!!