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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

How soon were you left to cope?

39 replies

prufrock · 05/05/2004 17:01

This should probably be under relationships, but I think I've posted enough "Am I being unreasonable" threads in the past.
I had a c-section 8 days ago. Today dh left me at 3.30pm and will not be back until midnight. So I have to look after a baby and a nearly 2 year old by myself all evening.
Now as you can probably tell from the fact I'm posting I'm not finding it too arduous. (Thank God for sleepy newborns and Teletubbies videos)though I am rather dreading bath and bedtime. So should I have "let" him go? When were you first left alone to cope by yourself?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Lisa78 · 05/05/2004 17:03

Ha! DH didn't go back to work until DS2 was 2 weeks old, and then he only did half days
And I have a teenager to help out too!!! Personally, no, I wouldn't have let him go, but if you feel you are up to it, more power to your elbow

wobblyknicks · 05/05/2004 17:04

He's gone to watch the footy hasn't he? I'd have told him he had to stay at homw if I was you!!!

bundle · 05/05/2004 17:05

can't remember which day first time round, but last year when dd2 was born dh went to peru for a week, so I pre-arranged for his mum/my parents to help me (they live too far to nip round) and couldn't have managed without them. don't bother with a bath tonight, they won't suffer for it, just wipe round with flannel. and don't do any lifting not even loading dishwasher. order in take away for whatever you feel like. x

Original poster

prufrock · 05/05/2004 17:08

How did you guess wk?

OP posts:

wobblyknicks · 05/05/2004 17:08

Think when you're ready for it, you're entitled to the same amount of time swanning off by yourself IMO!!

wobblyknicks · 05/05/2004 17:09

I am a psychic madam!!! Nope, I was reading the other messages as well as making fun of jmg I'll have you know!! (on the Chelsea thread)

coppertop · 05/05/2004 17:17

WK making fun of jmg?? I don't believe that for a second!

Dh went back to work about 2 weeks after each birth. This was just enough time for me to ease back into things.

gloworm · 05/05/2004 17:25

if he's going to work, or something important then ok, if its football or someting equally unimportant, then not ok
only do whats absolutely necessary tonite and let dh do rest of it in the morning

dinosaur · 05/05/2004 17:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

wobblyknicks · 05/05/2004 17:42

ct - read the "don't lynch me" thread - and then go back to teaching your kids to go robbing!!

coppertop · 05/05/2004 17:49

Apologies for quick thread hijack:

WK - the thread's too big for my steam-powered computer to open.

wobblyknicks · 05/05/2004 17:54

Have done you a favour to stop you clogging up other people's threads!!

serenequeen · 05/05/2004 17:55

two weeks is really the minimum imo. unfortunately, as you know, it is not a question of permission, is it? it is getting it through their thick skulls... does he really have no clue what major surgery is like, ffs? so where do you think you come on his priority list after this? gah!

tell him perfect strangers have strong opinions on things like this!

stamford · 05/05/2004 17:57

I had my first one in August (when football wasn't on) - not planned at all but I got 3 weeks full time of dh. My second (born 15months later in November) happened to come into the world at a very interesting football time and dh went off to games straight away. Having said that, if I had asked him to stay at home he probably would have done.

I was so mad having the two so close together that I could hardly form a rational thought until around a year later! I think there are times when you do just have to let them go. If you don't, they only resent it.

Demented · 05/05/2004 19:00

DS1 was five days old when I came out of hospital and DH went back to work the next day, midwife was horrified that I was on my own. Came home the same day after DS2 and DH was back at work when he was three days old, I had a day on my own and then my Mum came to stay for a few days, when DS2 was about two weeks old DH went to a concert and was away most of the day and I wasn't best pleased about that. Neither of the births were c/sections though and DS1 was 3.5 when I had DS2 so I didn't have as much to cope with as you do.

kalex · 05/05/2004 19:05

Live in Scotland, DS born on Thursday, H want back to work in Newcastle on Monday, following Monday I drove to Newcastle with DS and DD aged three, to be told he didn't want to be married anymore, came home next day. Have done it by myself since,

JKay · 06/05/2004 07:29

Hi there, I'm new to mumsnet. Just want to know if any of you have heard of or use the hug-a-bub baby carrier? My daughter is 17mnths and I still use it everyday with not even a neck or back ache..it's unbelievable

Ghosty · 06/05/2004 08:21

Prufrock ... I think 8 days after a c/section is too soon to be left alone ... you are not supposed to carry anything heavier than the baby for '6 weeks' - I know most of us do stuff much much earlier than 6 weeks but 8 days is very soon.
I came out of hospital when DD was 5 days old. My mum and dad were here for a week after that and then DH took the week off work ... so I wasn't left alone to cope for the three weeks really. In the 4th week DH came home to take DS to kindy and a friend of mine brought him home.
By the time DD was 4 weeks old I was fine, driving and back to normal.
I don't think there is anything wrong with asking or even demanding that you have more help ... a c/s is major surgery and god knows you will have enough on your plate once you are totally better ...
Congratulations by the way ...

Toothache · 06/05/2004 08:30

Prufrock - I think it's a bit soon too, but surely you could skip the bath just for one night? My ds doesn't get bathed every night and I couldn't imagine leaning over a bath that soon after a c-section.
I know it's kind of after-the-fact now, but noone would blame you for the letting the routine fall by the wayside just for now.

Hope it all went smoothly. Let your DH read this, he may be suitable ashamed of himself!

My DH stayed off work for 3 weeks after I had DS. And I definitely needed him there for me.

pamina3 · 06/05/2004 08:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flip · 06/05/2004 09:02

ds2 was born on the 27th November and dh didn't go back to work until the 6th January. But I might argue now that I barely cope without him. He baths the kids and puts them to bed. He's an angel and I'm really lucky to have him.

musica · 06/05/2004 09:03

I didn't have c-section, but with ds, dh went back to work after 2 days, with dd he went away for a week when she was 6 days old. (But I'm not complaining - my friends looked after me SO well - they popped round every day). And it wasn't planned to happen like that - just dd was SO late arriving!

Congratulations btw prufock - I think I must have missed your birth announcement!

Slinky · 06/05/2004 09:26

With DD1, DH had full 2 weeks off but with DS1 (born when DD1 was 26 months), I gave birth on the Friday, left hospital on Sat - then DH went back to work on Monday. Midwife went absolutely potty that I'd been left on my own (I had a problem with placenta not detaching and I'd got an infection) BUT in DHs defence, he only went back to work because he thought my mum was coming round.

Unfortunately, my mum and I were going through a very rough patch (dodgy boyfriend who was trying to cut her off from her family) so yes, she did turn up on Monday morning, drank a cup of coffee that I made, then left!!!!! She couldn't stay because she had things to do!

My friend had a baby last Monday afternoon, and her DH had gone back to work on Thursday.

Marina · 06/05/2004 09:56

Dh had three weeks off both times, but my c-sections both went a bit pear-shaped afterwards, unlike yours Prufrock. Do think it was a bit of a liberty on his part and hope the evening stayed serene for you. As serene as serenequeen

Jaybee · 06/05/2004 10:00

Dh went back to work when dd was 5 days old - I had to get ds to a party on that day too. Mine were not cs so I think that is a bit different, however, I too have a football mad dh so if it was his team he would have wanted to go. I think he would have cooked me a meal and bathed the kids before he went though.

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