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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

How soon were you left to cope?

39 replies

prufrock · 05/05/2004 17:01

This should probably be under relationships, but I think I've posted enough "Am I being unreasonable" threads in the past.
I had a c-section 8 days ago. Today dh left me at 3.30pm and will not be back until midnight. So I have to look after a baby and a nearly 2 year old by myself all evening.
Now as you can probably tell from the fact I'm posting I'm not finding it too arduous. (Thank God for sleepy newborns and Teletubbies videos)though I am rather dreading bath and bedtime. So should I have "let" him go? When were you first left alone to cope by yourself?

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LucyJones · 06/05/2004 10:37

5 days! Dh went out at 7pm, usually gets back at 11.30pm but I phoned him at 10.30pm begging him to come back as was going through newborn feeding frenzy nightmare

Original poster

prufrock · 06/05/2004 11:24

Well I managed - just.
Everything was fine until 8.30. I'd bathed them both (dd insisted and was very very good). I'd even managed to tidy up with dd's assistance, then whilst I was still in bed with dd getting her to sleep, ds decided to wake up and throw up all over his cot. So I cleaned him up, yelled at dd cos' she'd got out of bed, went back to bed with her and refed ds at the same time, put him down, and then the same thing happened again! Finally got them both asleep in clean beds by 10.15, whereupon I poured myself a large and well deserved Baileys.
DH came home, I told him about my crap evening, and his response was "well we lost so at least I won't be going to Germany, we were 2-0 up and then " (I didn't hear anymore cos that was when I started screaming about priorities)
He's been very nice this morning

OP posts:

Mum2Ela · 06/05/2004 11:29

Prufrock I can honestly say I would have been really pissed off if my DH had done that. In fact, I think I would have forced him to stay in (am I mean?). But I am glad is went (reasonably) smoothly). x

When I had DD I have a very easy birth and a couple fo days later DH would pop into work for a couple of hours, but evenings are somehting else. I had DD on the tues, on the Sat DH wanted to go out with the boys. 'You dare think you are leaving me alone with this baby' I said. He didn't move.

My BIL and SIL had a baby 5 weeks after me, again on the tues. On the sat he did go out with the boys and so I spent the evening with SIL to help her. She had a horrific birth and still couldn't sit down from the stitches. I really felt for her and I think it confirmed what a selfish twat my BIL is (pardon my language).

mieow · 06/05/2004 11:31

I had DS by c/section on the 19th december, DH worked while I was in hospital but took 3 weeks off after.

Zerub · 06/05/2004 12:55

This NHS site describes the recovery from major abdominal gynaecological surgery. That ought to cover cs, right? (ha!). It says "you will need at least 8 weeks off work, more if your job involves lifting" - so, like looking after a toddler then.

It says treat your first 2 weeks at home as recovery time and get plenty of rest. After 3 weeks you can start driving and do light housework. After 6 weeks you can hoover. But don't expect to be back to normal until 12 weeks.

Would have thought recovery from a cs was physically much the same as recovery from hysterectomy? So for a cs you get 3 days in hospital (which you spend getting up at all hours of the night, lifting a 7lb weight and doing insane things to your nipples) and then a week or so of "only" doing part-time work (while dh is at home to help) and then its back to full-time work and you're expected to be back to normal. Completely mad.

DH was home for 2.5 weeks after my cs, and I didn't have a toddler as well. If I have a cs next time, he's taking a month off and cancelling all social plans... (haven't told him this but he's pretty good; if he wants to go out, I'll say fine, just take the kids with you...)

janinlondon · 06/05/2004 13:39

DH went to work as usual from the day I came home from my CS. Having said that, I waved him goodbye while I was doing the hoovering and just before going to the supermarket, so I may have been an unusually quick recoverer. And I didn't have a toddler to cope with.

Batters · 07/05/2004 08:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kiwicath · 07/05/2004 08:51

I didn't have a c section and had a great delivery but I was preddy much on my own from day one. Hubby didn't make it for delivery but arrived the morning after. We flew back home 2.5 days later then he had to go back to work the next day (works from 4pm-4am!!!). Didn't have any family or mums with me either but I'm a bit of an independent sole and enjoyed being on my own to get my head around the whole thing. Think I'm in the minority though. My mums here (4 months down the track) for the first time which is GREAT but glad I was left to it for the first few months.

kiwicath · 07/05/2004 08:53

....remember though - I have only the one

fee77 · 07/05/2004 09:03

I sent my DH out to play golf a week after cs - i wanted some time, just me and my baby! And i was glad when he went back to work, it meant i could do what i liked without him nagging, and start to get into a routine!
I think having a cs helped to slow me down. I spent 6 weeks bonding with dd, going on walks and chilling out.
Now we are up and about it all seems really hectic!
Oh and it was a great excuse not to have a tidy house!

Clarinet60 · 07/05/2004 12:49

DH went back to work 12+ hour days as soon as I got home from my section, and I found it hard coping with a toddler too. All my visitors were horrified. Can't wait till he has to have some surgery so I can get my own back, lol.

The evenings are worst in the early days. It took me months to figure out how to get a baby and toddler to bed at the same time.

Slinky · 07/05/2004 13:02

Oh yes Droile!

You've reminded me about the early evenings - I HATED evening times as all 3 of mine had "crying episodes" between the hours of 4pm and 8pm when they were babies.

Trying to feed/bath/put to bed the older ones to bed whilst No 3 was screaming her head off was NOT fun (tried "slinging" her but she hated it and screamed even more!).

Original poster

prufrock · 07/05/2004 15:48

MIL stayed beforehand, and has now gone home. She will be staying again once her house is sold in 3 weeks, not sure how long for. I made dh tell her we wanted to be alone, and she was OK about it.
I've told him that I can't do the early eevenings on my own on a regular basis - it's impossible to settle the baby whilst I have dd sitting with me, she won't leave him alone and keeps wanting to cuddle him or stroke his nose. So he's promised to be home by 6.30pm every night (he's lucky in that he can work from home so can leave the office at 5 and catch up in teh evenings)

OP posts:

emmatmg · 07/05/2004 16:08

About 5 days after DS3 was born, can't remember if it was an early or late shift though.

Even now with DS3 aged 7 months the late shifts are by far the worst. Having to collect from school, cook dinner, tidy up, wash up, bathtime and bedtime is a logisical nightmare singlehanded.
However and I am blowing my own trumpet here, when I'm here alone they are all in bed and everything is done much earlier than when he's here to 'help'.

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