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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Visitors after a c section - when?

49 replies

teachermummy2b · 20/04/2015 09:08

As title really. I have a date for my elcs and family are besides themselves with excitement and all talking of booking that date off work to come and see us both.

Without wanting to sound precious, I don't want people descending on us in the hours immediately following the birth. Ideally I would prefer to see visitors the following day, once I am mobile and have had a shower.
I've said this and the response is that it is the baby everyone wants to see, not me!
How soon is reasonable?

OP posts:

meglet · 20/04/2015 09:13

never. bitter experience after first cs

I was firmer after cs no.2 and pretty much kept everyone away for a couple of weeks. If I was you I'd remind them you are having a major op and a baby and would like time to recover and establish bf before having to socialise.

Ludways · 20/04/2015 09:16

Grandparents were there within a few hours, which was lovely. Everyone else we staggered over the next few days.

treaclesoda · 20/04/2015 09:19

I had visitors the same day. I was in a lot of pain afterwards (sorry, don't mean to be doom and gloom) and was so glad to have visitors to help me sit up, lift my baby over to me etc. I'd have gone mad without visitors tbh. I cried when they had to go home.

Feckeggblue · 20/04/2015 09:21

You should be on how post natal ward for 48 hours. That would limit visiting to hospital visiting hours. That's the day after c section- you can't have visitors the same day! Anyway as a planned you're very likely to be delayed into surgery by any emergencies. Ie I kicked a planned (being preped) out of theatre for my emergency and I got chatting to her on the ward- she was booked in for Monday morning (4th on the list from 9am) and finally got in 8am Tuesday morning.

WrappedInABlankie · 20/04/2015 09:21

I was up, mobile, showered and had all catheters Ect out a couple hours later. I saw my dad, mum, sister and two friends the same day. I had another friend the next day an hour before I left the hospital.

If you don't want them there just say no.

WrappedInABlankie · 20/04/2015 09:22

Feck you can have as many visitors as you like the same day. You can also be home 24 hours later. As I was with a cat-1 section.

Cockbollocks · 20/04/2015 09:23

Our parents and children came up probably an hour after my section. Not for long just to say hello.

A few friends came in the following day. I like visitors as I find hospital really depressing and my hormones usually mean I'm pretty sad.

Depends what type of person you are really.

quietlysuggests · 20/04/2015 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrincessOfChina · 20/04/2015 09:30

Parents and DD came the same afternoon. They came back the next day and then I was released on the day after. They were only there an hour each day so no biggie and to be honest DS was mainly sleeping at that stage!

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 20/04/2015 09:32

You might be still having shakes for several hours after. Seriously, 2 or 3 days after the earliest.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 20/04/2015 09:33

Actually I could only actively hold my baby (instead of her being put in my armpits). And then you have the catheter in so immobile.

Feckeggblue · 20/04/2015 09:33

I didn't say you can't, just that you shouldn't, and that the chances of you both being on the ward ready for visitors at visiting time the same day as the OP are low. But of course it depends on your hospitals policies

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 20/04/2015 09:34

I could only hold my baby after 24 hrs, it was supposed to say

mrsmeerkat · 20/04/2015 09:37

I have had two sections. I was glad to see my own parents.. I had a shower, hair done just prior to the section so felt ok to see visitors, my fil is lovely and respectful but old fashioned and wanted to establish bf. He wasn't very tactful saying to mil 'that child is starving' .. grr.. still irritates me.

My own mother was telling anyone who would listen.. 'she was too posh to push' (she has a weird sense of humour as it was not the reason- medical reason for section)

Another friend wanted to come in.. she is not the most supportive friend I had and loves to have misery competitions and also a bit vulgar. When her sister breastfed she said the child was 'mad for tit'. So I politely asked her to wait until I was home. Unfortunately that friendship ended as she caused me so much upset. I was very hurt but her texts and nasty comments.

Anyway.. do it your own way and I wish you the best of luck. I would probably advise in laws in the day after (this worked out best) dp/dh needs to step up here. You will want to show baby off though I think.. there is an element of euphoria after having them.

Don't forget to pack colpermin .. my one best tip.

Grantaire · 20/04/2015 09:37

It's up to you.

I've had two emcs, one of them a category 1 and one much more relaxed but still technically an emergency. First time round dd was born late at night and I was discharged the following morning. I was only in for 12 hours so visitors were an irrelevance. Those 12 hours fell overnight. Interestingly however, I wasn't ready for visitors once I got home. I would have been fine in hospital but I needed a period of settling in at home (just a day tbh). I felt a bit discombobulated and as I hadn't planned a cs, I just needed some breathing space.

Second time round, DS was born at 3.35 in the afternoon and as I was wheeled back onto the ward at 4.30, my parents were waiting for me. I was desperate to see DD and for her to meet her brother. My ILs came a couple of hours later and by that point I was up, showered, dressed and sitting in a chair eating custard, breast feeding and reading my book.

It genuinely does depend on the person. I think if you need that first day without visitors then that's fine. On the day you might change your mind. That's fine too.

Littlemonstersrule · 20/04/2015 09:38

I saw visitors the same day. Hospital is very boring and I took all the company I could get. Whilst it is surgery, it's easily managed and not a huge deal.

broomy123 · 20/04/2015 09:41

Mine was an emergency after a long labour and I was poorly so I felt awful, so I hope you feel better as its planned. I had mums the next day (delivered at night) and it was lovely. I found my recovery quite slow and was in a lot of pain so having people around was amazing. You can't lift your baby and I struggled to move around much the first week. If people are willing to book time off work then use it to your advantage and get them to help you/make tea/change baby etc. I felt a bit like you before in that I didn't want people to be in my face but I actually did after. The joy your baby brings is something you'll want to share!
Quietly I think your being a bit unfair. Everyone is different and recovery is worse for others.

Brandysnapper · 20/04/2015 09:42

You can have visitors the same day, if you want them. They might want to see the baby, not you, but the baby will be with you, so not seeing you too is not an option!
It is major surgery, that's not dramatic it just is.
You don't know when the baby will be born. I've had an elcs when the baby arrived in the morning, and I was happy to have visitors that day, then another where we weren't taken till late afternoon.

WrappedInABlankie · 20/04/2015 09:44

Why shouldn't you?

Even as a cat-1 me and DC were together the whole time, we had visitors hours later and as I said home the next day. I would of been home the same day but the pharmacy was closed so I was forced to stay.

I have to agree with PP about people being a tad bit dramatic. But the only place I've ever heard of people turning away visitors for weeks and not being about to hold their baby/get up for days is o here

Grantaire · 20/04/2015 09:54

It really is individual. You can't tell other people they should or shouldn't feel or think a certain way.

I found emcs recovery a doddle which was 100% luck. I had visitors immediately after the second and I never struggled with holding the baby or moving around.

You just don't know. It is fine to say now what you would like and it is fine to change your mind once you know what your own individual recovery is.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 20/04/2015 09:55

It doesn't only depend what kind of person you are (though that's part of it - if you're in pain and attached to drains and drips and unable to poo and feel like you need to, unable to sit up etc. will visitors make you feel better or worse? Better for some, worse for others) it also depends what kind of people the visitors are (helpful and kind or critical and stressful) and above all it depends how the operation goes - you can't just decide to be up and about and showered within a few hours because you're such a positive personality, you might be physically fastened to the bed with drains that can't be removed for 36 hours (I was with my first, though 2nd and 3rd were smoother I was physically incapable of bouncing out of bed to shower the first day).

There is a lot of pressure not to "be selfish" with new babies and to prove how chilled and fantastic you are by having lots of visitors and barely acknowledging that you've been through a big op and your hormones are going mad, you're trying to breadt feed a newborn, you may not have been capable of washing or getting out of bed and may have a catheter in and be in pain...

If your visitors are already being unpleasant by saying that you are irrelevant and just the incubator and they'll be seeing the baby as soon as they can get their hands on it I wouldn't be going out of my way to accommodate them on day 1!
Also as somebody else said a planned section could get bumped to the next day due to emergencies.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 20/04/2015 10:03

I had DH and our dc/s the first day and in laws the 2nd when I had DC2 and 3. I would not have wanted to keep my kids away at all but also would not have wanred anyone else and in laws are decent enough people to know how long to stay etc. A couple of friends visited the 3rd day, but they hadn't asked, just turned up - was ok by 3rd day. I was in 5 days though. Other people waited til we were home.

Feckeggblue · 20/04/2015 10:04

To be fair I had visitors the next day after my cat 1 (and only didn't have them same day as I was kept on recovery ward for various reasons) but the OP doesn't seem to want them. However taking the day off work etc seems really ott to me.

Also the whole "see the baby not you" is an awful going to say to someone. Remind them in all likelyhood you will be the patient and the baby will be there with you. If they're coming they can help with baby and maybe help you too (bring some decent food and drinks , pass you baby for feeding, take your partner out for a coffee) they sound self centred and irritating from what you've posted

Grantaire · 20/04/2015 10:10

The statement re wanting to see the baby and not the op might not be as terrible as people think.

My parents and ILs might say the same thing but actually they would be being kind. If the OP has said she is worried about her ability to receive visitors or that she won't be mobile or showered or whatever, it might have been an attempt to reassure her. Not 'we're not interested in you' but 'please don't worry we won't be looking at you/judging you/expecting anything from you, we'll be so thrilled with the baby, not looking at whether you've brushed your hair'. This is honest and kind.

What the OP needs to do is be clear that she simply doesn't want visitors. Then they accept the decision not try and reassure her with regards to something they might see as fixable.

MaelstromOfLunacy · 20/04/2015 10:11

I gave birth at 11am and had visitors at 3, then home at 2pm next day. It was lovely to have everyone around and I felt fine. But it's up to you - you're the one giving birth, tell them what YOU want!

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