Visitors after a c section - when?

[teachermummy2b]

As title really. I have a date for my elcs and family are besides themselves with excitement and all talking of booking that date off work to come and see us both.

Without wanting to sound precious, I don't want people descending on us in the hours immediately following the birth. Ideally I would prefer to see visitors the following day, once I am mobile and have had a shower.
I've said this and the response is that it is the baby everyone wants to see, not me!
How soon is reasonable?

There is something to be said for letting the hordes descend, to wave at you and then be fended off by DH/DP who can show off the new baby (possibly away from your bedside, but the person you can trust to bring him/her straight back if required). And as it's a hospital, it might be easier to get them to leave plus of course you don't need to host them in any way.

Then they've all seen it, got the pix (not of you) and are easier to keep at arms length when you are at home, for as long as it takes for you to feel fully up to it.

Auntie, that was exactly my experience. With DD, because she was born late at night and I left hospital in the morning and visitors came to the house, it felt a lot like visitors were in my space. I felt invaded. As DS was born after lunch, we could have visitors and it all felt part of the same alien process. We then left hospital and went home to our quiet bubble, leaving the chaos behind. I liked that.

As you can see from the huge variation in answers on this thread - it entirely depends.

You might be pretty ill afterwards, shakes etc.

The section might not end up being straightforward.

Like any birth, the baby might need attention.

If you are breastfeeding, you REALLY REALLY want those first few hours to be focused entirely, entirely on that and NOT on covering up ready for Uncle Pete to stride in.

You might sail through it, feel ok and really want to show off the baby.

You might feel teary, overwhelmed, vulnerable and only want your DH there.

So my tip would be - tell everyone VERY firmly that you will call them when you feel up to visitors. If you think they won't respect this, tell them the week before that the date has moved to the next day, so they won't turn up unannounced.

About the baby not you? Err, no. You will have just gone through the most overwhelming experience and surgery. The baby will be depending on you to start feeding and bonding. It's all about you, I'm afraid - you and your baby starting off on the right foot, and your DH too as your new little family. It's all about you. The people it's very much NOT about is them.

I had an EMCS with my first after a v long and non productive labour. Baby was delivered at 4am on a Monday and I wasn't discharged until the Thursday afternoon as we had a lot of trouble establishing breastfeeding.

We were both healthy weights with no medical issues.
My catheter wasn't removed until the Tuesday morning so there was a large bag of urine/fluid discharging beside the bed for the first 24 hours.
I was wearing post surgery socks - thick white things up to my waist to avoid blood clots. Every woman on the post CS was wearing them at least up to their knees.
Nursing staff and aides turn up fairly frequently for both you and the baby to do health checks, check your stitches, change maternity pads until you are mobile again, administer pain meds etc. Their time is precious and they will be perfectly happy to send anyone non-essential away.
A full paediatric check will need to take place [takes about an hour] before you and the baby will be discharged. They'll want to know that feeding is going well.
You'll be checked over and won't be discharged until your prescription for pain meds is filled by the hospital pharmacy - this can take ages !
A BF specialist was visiting a couple of times a day - this pretty much involved me being naked from the waist up for skin to skin and having my boobs manhandled into DD's mouth so she could get the hang of it [massively disinterested in the whole process of hydration]

I'd personally discourage them - I was booked in for an ELCS for my second but repeatedly warned that I would be bumped for anyone in more medical need on the day. Twins, higher blood pressure, emergencies, you get the gist. PITA to take a day off to get a 15 "view" of a newborn and then find it's all happening the next day
On the upside, if it will stop them from hanging out at yours for hours on your first weekend home, then it's potentially a blessing. I think that most people would take a sensible view if you and your husband give a very firm message that a viewing and cuddle is v unlikely to take place on day 1.

Thank you all for your replies :)
Im very relieved that my worries are not "selfish" and are normal and justified. I think definitely I will play it by ear on the day

What has made it a bit of an issue is that I would not mind my own parents seeing us on surgery day but would definitely want to wait until the next day to see in-laws. Well, you can imagine DH's reaction to that...

Day after once catheter out and you're a bit more decent

You can always play the "If your DH is happy to display his penis in front of your mum, then you are happy to whip out a boob in front of his Dad" card

I assume there is no medical reason why everyone wants to be around in case something goes wrong? There may be a "we want to see the baby asap" rather than - it's a high risk pregnancy and we want to be able to be available at the drop of a hat if we're needed.

Note I'm not asking - just saying that if there are other factors you might want to be more relaxed. My DH was totally unrealistic about how soon I would be up and about, I brought him down to earth with a bump when I started telling him that I wanted him to stay with the baby if there were issues. Gave him a verbal living will. Bit drastic but it's a very quick way of reminding him that you and his baby are the first priority not pics with the grandparents

It really depends - with my first I didn't want to see anyone (luckily I was abroad and could make that happen)

With my second I was desparate to see DS1 and didn't care who came too as long as they didn't expect anything from me other than to lie there looking like I'd been up for a week without washing (which, to be fair, was pretty close to the truth). Turns out it was totally fine, although wrestling DS2 back from my (lovely) MIL proved to be impossible! She took him down to the car and was very reluctant to say goodbye!

Mine were both EMCS, but I was still out within 24 hrs by the way - if it all goes smoothly there's no need to muck about staying in the hospital.

Even 35 years ago, I had visitors 5 hours after a emergency c section.
I wouldn't have dreamt of not letting grandsparents see their new grandchild.

I had emergency sections so I was out of it, in shock exhausted, anaemic and in and agony.

I needed help, but not visitors iykwim.

Most visitors were only interested in the babies, and I felt like a used up old gourd. Everyone made such a deal over the babies, and it was a brief hello to me. One visitor even woke up one baby to "see her properly", then gave her to me as she started to scream crying. (I had just put her down to sleep).

Play it by ear, as I had long difficult exhausting labours and mightn't have liked visitors anyway, even without the major abdominal surgery:wound drains and catheters, compression stockings and pain medication suppositories aren't everyones ideal situation for entertaining.

Think about it as if you had appendicitis.

I had two emergency sections. Would never have stopped grandparents from seeing baby. How would you feel if told the same by DIL? They are your DH parents. A visit is only for 10mins.

itwill but not all relatives and friends stay for 10 mins . I had several visitors crowding me for an hour. I wanted to tell them to fuck off so I could rest and try and bf but was in too much pain and tearful to do it diplomatically.

I didn't have my catheter out until the next morning, and I didn't want visitors jostling my bag of wee.....Also I didn't want my toddler to see the catheter in my hand, so I waited until the following day for her to visit too, when I had dd2. With DD1 I needed a blood transfusion and felt as though I had been hit by a truck for the first day, and wasn't great the second, although it was complicated (I had pre-eclampsia). So I didn't have anyone visit other than DH until about day 4 or 5 (I was in for a while). Whereas with DD2 I was fine to chat to people on day 2. So you might want to see how you feel at the time, but i would say no-one but your other half should visit on the day of surgery, as it is a big op, and you need to rest and recover.

A visit is only for 10 minutes? Really?

We should've been so lucky.

I'm having an elcs next month. We've decided to only tell my parents the actual date in case we get bumped for emergencies etc. The only reason they will know is because DD will be staying with them.

Once baby is here we'll play it by ear with regards to visitors, I'm happy to have them but realistically we may not be up on the ward in time.

I'm hoping to have DH family visit at the hospital (due to various issues only his DF has been to our home) and I know it will be less stressful to see his mum in a controlled environment.

they need minders and a timed ticket only system in in maternity wards. 10 mins then you're kicked out .

ime it's very easy to be overwhelmed with visitors when you are in pain and vulnerable. I wouldn't dream of pestering someone after a major op, but some people think it's ok to hang around while new parents are recovering from a cs and trying to figure out how the hell you look after a newborn.

I'll be banging on about this for ever . very sore point.

itwill if my DIL Was undergoing major surgery to deliver my grandchild I would be happy to see them on day 2 - in all likelihood still only 24 hours or less from delivery. Im talking about the following morning, not days later

It all depends. You might feel fine and be desperate to show your baby off. You might be a shaking, anaemic, teary mess.

I've had 3 babies and nobody's visitors (neither mine or the people in surrounding beds) have only stayed 10 minutes! :o

It takes longer than that to park and walk up from the car in most hospitals - and the OP'S extended family are planning to book the day off work - they aren't doing that to pop in for 10 minutes, they're going to be there a loooong time! :o

Same day is fine as long as they stay literally 10mins I think - and I would say no more than an hour for the first couple of weeks, I got tired really easily. Depends how likely you think they are to outstay their welcome!

Just tell them you've been bumped for an emergency even if you haven't, job done

My in laws stayed 5 hours FIL took DH for some food so I only had one "partner" (mil) after visiting ended so midwives hasn't noticed.

Both my parents and In laws lived 50-70 miles away, my parents stayed an hour.

Mind you within a week of us being home we'd had 2x 10 hour visit from in laws so used to them outstaying their welcome

"You can always play the "If your DH is happy to display his penis in front of your mum, then you are happy to whip out a boob in front of his Dad" card ?"

Treadsofty this is hilarious I agree with your thoughts completely!