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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

How long did you wait after childbirth (episiotomy and tear) before you had sex?

31 replies

RedCountryRoads · 28/07/2014 11:59

7 weeks ago I had a pretty rough birth. 44 hours, 4 hours of pushing followed by a cut ready for forceps and then the Dr disappeared for an emergency so I carried on pushing and had a 3rd degree tear behind the episiotomy.
Last week my DH and I attempted to have sex and I felt like my skin was burning and going to rip apart. Obviously we stopped.
None of my friends or family have had a cut or a tear (Lucky buggers!) so I have no one to ask.
So I'd really like to know how long until you could have sex again?
Thanks! Blush

OP posts:
mrscog · 28/07/2014 13:43

I had a 2nd degree tear, and I think we did it once after 12 weeks, but it wasn't that comfortable (esp certain positions) and it took a few months of effort to 'restretch' things so that it felt more back to normal.

In the early days lots of lube helps, but if it goes on you need to see your GP for some help/a referral.

stargirl1701 · 28/07/2014 13:45

6 months. I had to have the tear recut and restitched 5 months post birth.

ChazzerChaser · 28/07/2014 13:46

Months. The thought of doing it at 7 weeks makes be wince. I was still sitting on a ring and taking painkillers then. Episiotomy that got infected and stitches fell out so delayed healing

Original poster
RedCountryRoads · 28/07/2014 14:51

Ouch Chazzer, that sounds awful. It did seem early in my mind to try but I was in the mood (Crazy I know!) I think it was because I'd been out on a hen do the day before, DH had stepped up and took care of DD for the first time and the booze hadn't quite left my system so I was pumping and dumping I felt like "me" for the first time for a long time.
I've got a check up at the Dr's this week so I'll get them to check everything is ok as well.
Thanks!

OP posts:
Blondiemama · 01/08/2014 06:13

I had third degree tear and I'm 13 weeks PP. We tried at 11 weeks and it was uncomfortable but ok. Try some lube, if still bad I would get checked out by GP or OBS if you have a consultant appointment x

NewJobNewLife · 01/08/2014 06:28

18 month! No tear it labour; I had a c section.

Molotov · 01/08/2014 14:13

Had sex that felt normal again 7m after an episiotomy for a ventouse delivery. It had been horribly painful before that.

The good news is that, for me, I had no long-term issues after the initial long healing process Smile

angelopal · 01/08/2014 15:48

2nd degree tear both times. Waited until 6 week check up each time. Bit uncomfortable at first and then ok.

notoasthere · 01/08/2014 16:20

3rd degree tear - waited 14 months. I'd be inclined to say at 7 weeks pp from a third degree tear you would be better off waiting a bit longer. It's a massive birth injury and it will take months for your body to be as strong as it was

wanttosinglikemarycoughlan · 01/08/2014 16:24

10 months but was back in hospital having scar tissue removed and being restitched during that time
It was a long time before I rode a bike again too
Bloody back to back ds

wanttosinglikemarycoughlan · 01/08/2014 16:24

10 months but was back in hospital having scar tissue removed and being restitched during that time
It was a long time before I rode a bike again too
Bloody back to back ds

TheRealMaudOHara · 01/08/2014 16:26

2nd degree tear, borderline 3rd. Am now 10 months pp and just starting to have regular sex again. I'm booked in for an op next month to cut and re-stitch but it seems to be improving on its own. At 7 weeks in it's very early days. Go easy on yourself, some people bounce back and others need more time.

weegiemum · 01/08/2014 16:33

I only tore (refused episiotomy) for the birth of dd1, who was 9lb12 stargazer birth. Lots of stitches (the community midwife - a friend! - said it was "embroidery").

Tried at about 8 weeks, but hurt.

Managed at 12 weeks. Was about 6 months until it didn't make me clench thinking about it, though it didn't hurt! (In fact it was nice!).

With ds I tore minimally (couple of stitches) along the same line - he was 9lb3 and normally positioned.

Dd2 was smaller, only 7lb15 at 37 week induction, but because her waters only went before delivery, I'd a 2/3 tear repaired in theatre. But was having sex happily at 4 months. Might have been because I'd been through it before.

Lots of PF exercises later dh and I have a great sex life 10 years after I last gave birth!

Waggamamma · 01/08/2014 17:03

Ventouse delivery, episiotomy and some stitches.

Gentle sex after three weeks, normal sex life resumed after about 6-8weeks (albeit less frequently due to the tiredness that comes with a newborn).

Everything healed fine for me though and no other issues, dp very considerate partner. Take as long as you feel you need, but the longer you leave it the worse you might build it up in your head.

Jellymoo · 02/08/2014 00:05

After 3 months we started trying. Everything felt too too tight. I had lots of stitches and a long birth with back to back ds. And even after 16months it still feels slightly too tight. Maybe they can fix it when I give birth next time!

GothMummy · 02/08/2014 00:14

I had a 3rd degree tear and it was a horrible recovery, we tried when DS was 4 months old but it was not at all nice or comfortable until after 6 months pp.

Frizz1986 · 02/08/2014 05:10

I had a 3rd deg tear and we tried after about 4 months and it was very very uncomfortable/painful.
We then didnt try again until 6 months (partly die to sheer exhaustion)
Its taken until just over 7 months for it to feel good again although still lubed up!

elQuintoConyo · 02/08/2014 12:25

3rd degree tear, here, with forceps for statgazer DS.

First time we tried sex was at 7mo. The second time was about a year later. I was recut and sewn when DS was 1yo as they'd sewn me too tightly.

DS is now 2.8, we have had PIV about 5 times since his birth, I wouldn't call it actual 'sex' as it is still painful, undignified and very much a chore. 'Lie back and think of England' kinda sex.

I'm loathe to go back to the gynae, stupid I know, because he's such an asshole (dinosaur head of gynae at local.hospital, his doctor son cut me at the birth - how very dare I complain!).

So, for some of us it is a very long time. At 7 weeks I think I was stil.bleeding and gross!!

plummyjam · 02/08/2014 21:57

Emergency c-section here and sex was painful for about 9 months after. Felt really tight high up. Whether that's psychological vaginismus due to being examined in labour, the effect of breastfeeding or actual muscle spasm (things tightening up naturally as your body assumes you've been stretched after a vaginal delivery ) I don't know.

Solidarity to all of us though, it's a much commoner problem than is talked about.

GothMummy · 02/08/2014 22:10

Im sorry you are suffering OP but very greatful to you for this thread as I now feel a lot more normal! My DH thought I had withdrawn from him emotionally as I would not have sex, or because I made us stop when we tried.
I tried to ask my NCT group if anyone had anything similar at 3 months pp and they all laughed and said what a good time they were having with their husbands!

TBH things still are not right :(

Pinotgrigioplease · 02/08/2014 22:16

I had a 3rd d tear and we waited until after my 6 week check.

It wasn't painful but was uncomfortable so we left it for a few more weeks.

I don't think I felt back to normal for around 9 months and when I asked my doctor about it she said it was possible that I had internal scarring which was causing the discomfort.

Hope things improve for you soon OP & anyone else affected by this.

plummyjam · 02/08/2014 22:24

Should add that things are back to normal now from 12 months onward I would say.

TarkaTheOtter · 02/08/2014 22:30

I had a second degree tear that never caused me any pain except during sex. Thing felt "normal" around 8months. A lot of the friends I know well enough to discuss this with say similar length of time.

allisgood1 · 02/08/2014 22:32

I believe it was 3-4 months.

Floop · 02/08/2014 22:34

Probably tried for the first time at 4/5 weeks. Hurt like fuck. So i started testing myself with sex toys, privately, to see if I could adjust/stretch in a comfortable way for me. (sorry if thats TMI!)

Maybe 2/3 weeks of that before we had sex that didn't hurt. The took me about 10 weeks to feel normal and enjoyable again.