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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Is anyone giving birth alone?

34 replies

PleaseDoNotAdjustYourSet · 03/07/2013 13:33

Looks like I'll have to be. We have no childcare arrangements for dc1 and running out of time.

Dh and I are sad he won't get to see dc2 born.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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NandH · 03/07/2013 13:36

What!???
Grandparents? Friends? Siblings? ....Must be someone! Would be sooo sad for dh not to be there and you to do it alone!

Original poster

PleaseDoNotAdjustYourSet · 03/07/2013 13:46

I know, I'm actually tearing up now (hormones probably aren't helping). Friends have offered but either live too far away to get here in time (it could happen in the middle of the night etc) or haven't really offered just as as a gesture.

In laws live abroad and my parents think I should give birth alone and wanting dh there is being childish, so have refused to help.

Siblings either live abroad or echoed parents sentiments.

Run out of ideas....tinies said thy can only provide a babysitter if it happen in the day and if they have any sitters available at the time.

OP posts:

ChasingSquirrels · 03/07/2013 13:52

is homebirth an option?
my ds1 slept thought ds2 being born (which was admittedly v v quick)

NandH · 03/07/2013 13:55

Oh you Poor thing! Thats not pleasant of your parents to refuse to help! As chasing said what about a home birth?

chestnut100 · 03/07/2013 13:55

Good god, what is wrong with your parents?! Where abouts are you? Maybe we could help come up with a solution then

Cheeseatmidnight · 03/07/2013 13:56

Childminder? Maybe you could have a couple who can do nights as back up

Original poster

PleaseDoNotAdjustYourSet · 03/07/2013 14:09

Dc1 goes to nursery so no childminder, but could I ask/pay one of the nursery staff do you think?

I briefly thought about a home birth but at the moment I am anaemic and my iron levels are dropping, the midwives have said as it stand I will have to give birth in hospital as I could haemorrhage and need a blood transfusion. I have thallessmia minor so this has made the iron deficany worse.

Am doing all I can to bring my levels up but they are still declining.

We're in central london.

OP posts:

ChasingSquirrels · 03/07/2013 14:12

hmm, home birth maybe not best option then.

Definitely consider asking at dc1's nursery.

CreatureRetorts · 03/07/2013 14:15

I had low iron levels at around 30/32 weeks. I took two sachets of spatone every day and by 40 weeks they were slightly above average. I tried iron tablets but made me sick.

Your parents sound delightful what happen if there's an emergency? You might need extra hands.

Do you have friends who can recommend a CM or nanny?

CreatureRetorts · 03/07/2013 14:16

Or do you have the means to afford an independent midwife or doula who can attend the birth with you?

PeterParkerSays · 03/07/2013 14:19

Do you know any neighbours, or parents of other children at nursery with DC1, to see if they'd be willing to help?

Theselittlelightsofmine · 03/07/2013 14:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chestnut100 · 03/07/2013 14:38

We left central London last year or I would have offered to help. But I imagine you are the best place you could wish to be to "buy in" help. Have you tried any nanny agencies who may be able to offer a solution?

Biscuitsneeded · 03/07/2013 14:40

I gave birth alone accidentally. Labour started very fast and before I expected it, so I left DP and DS 1 at home to sort out some childcare (as the pre-arranged grannies do not live nearby and had not yet been scheduled to arrive 'in case'), and went to hospital by taxi expecting DP to join me later. I then gave birth 32 mins later before he could get there! I have to say that I don't really feel sad about this. I think I had gone well and truly into the labour zone and honestly couldn't have cared less who was, or wasn't, in the room. I would feel sad for DP if he had felt cheated of something, but he actually admits he got bored during DS 1's birth and I think he was honestly quite relieved to miss anything gory. I had a very special few minutes alone with DS2, gave him his first feed etc, before DP got there and although things weren't planned that way I have nice memories.
However, if you really want to have your DH with you, and he wants to be there, I think you should do everything in your power to make that happen. Could you hire a doula (who after all is expecting to have to be available at any time of day/night and at short notice) but ask her to baby sit your DC1 instead of doing the birthing thing??! Ultimately it's all money so if you're willing to pay doula rates you might find one who's willing! You could get her round to meet DC in advance so that you felt comfortable leaving them together...

Lily311 · 03/07/2013 19:12

I know a couple of nannies who might be able to help you and be on call during the night. They all live in London (clapham area) so could be in central London in no time. Pm me if you want me to ask around. I also used a young grandma to babysit for my daughter, she is in Camberwell close to elephant&castle and works 3 days per week as a nanny with a 7 month old.

OdaBear · 03/07/2013 19:33

Good grief, your parents sound like lovely people... My eldest son goes to nursery, and many of the girls that work there do private babysitting, so ask around. The only issue with that would be if you needed them in the middle of the night on a work-night - they may be unable to do it. The idea about hiring a doula for the purpose of babysitting is good if you can afford it.

I would also offer to help too as I'm 20 minutes from central London (in SW London), but I have my hands massively full with my 19-month son and newborn son.

Really hope you get something sorted xx

RoooneyMara · 03/07/2013 19:38

I did this 6 months ago. My parents were kind enough to look after my eldest two (who were asleep)

I went in an ambulance, gave birth about an hour and a half later, at 1am and spent the next 16 hours alone till my dad came to get me at about 5.30.

I don't have a DH so I was prepared for this. But it wasn't much fun.

You will have visitors though, once the baby is born? For me it wasn't the giving birth. It was being on a ward with two other women both of whom had partners/husbands and family visiting them, while I just sat around on my own.

You will manage if it comes to the worst but try for a home birth if you are able xx

namelessposter · 03/07/2013 19:39

Pm me with your due dates. I'm in central London and might be able to help. Am a mum of 2 with impeccable references. My fee is a sniff of your new babies head :-)

craigslittleangel · 03/07/2013 19:46

I gave birth 7 weeks ago on my own. In a similar position as you. I knew quite early in the pregnancy that I would be on my own if she was born at night or weekend.
I was induced in the end, so my OH was there until he had to collect our eldest DD. I actually enjoyed the peace and quite until everything started. Honestly I ate crap and watched bad TV until they eventually broke my waters. After that everything happened so fast that it was not till she was born and I tried to call my OH who didn't pick up that I thought about it. However DD2 was born the early hours of the morning, so once they have cleared me up and sent us to the maternity ward, I slept till about 7 and he arrived at about 9.30.
You can do it. Its not ideal, as I really hate the fact he didn't see DD2 being born.

TolliverGroat · 03/07/2013 19:57

Definitely worth asking at nursery, or DC1's friends' parents. I had loads of offers from people in that category to help out if needed.

I nearly had DC2 alone because labour progressed quite quickly and MIL took a while to arrive to look after DC1 (in the end DH arrived as DC2 was crowning so he did see her born). When it came down to it I was surprised at how at peace I was with the idea that he wouldn't be there; it was more important to him than to me, I think.

juneau · 03/07/2013 20:06

I had DS2 without my DH being there and actually, it was great! I loved the all-female environment of the delivery room and my labour and birth were a lot easier than with DS1, in part because with a room full of strangers who'd all seen masses of women give birth before I felt very calm and like I didn't have to rein myself in - I could just go with it.

So if it works out like that for you (my solo birth wasn't planned - it just happened that way because DH had to wait for my DM to arrive, she lives 2 hours away and DS2 wasn't waiting!), I just wanted to say don't worry. Second births can be really quick, so it's not usually like the first time, where you're at the hospital for ages, slowly dilating over hours and hours. I was only at the hospital for 40 mins before DS2 arrived.

Original poster

PleaseDoNotAdjustYourSet · 03/07/2013 20:31

Thank you all for your kind words, support and reassurance. And especially thank you for those who have offered to help, hugely hugely appreciate this.

Have spoke with dh and he has a couple of friends he could ask, so we're going to try that, but if in 2 weeks time we have no one lined up I will very gratefully pm those who have offered numbers or help, if that's okay?

My worry is less giving birth alone and more that dh would be devestated to not be there and see his second baby born.

Feel so disorganised.

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DialMforMummy · 03/07/2013 20:47

We asked DS1's favourite nursery worker. It was great because DS knew her well and we felt happy that he was with someone we trusted and he knew well.
She looked after him overnight, took him to work (at nursery) the next day and then DH picked him up as usual at the end of day.

Original poster

PleaseDoNotAdjustYourSet · 03/07/2013 22:03

Thank you dial...so is it acceptable to ask? There's no rules against this is ther? How much did you pay? I don't want to offend any of the nursery staff or cause any embarrassment.

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DialMforMummy · 03/07/2013 22:54

Yes it is fine to ask as long as you can accept a no!
She looked after DS at her own house and we paid her £150 from Sunday 3ish till 8 the next day (when she went to work). She did not expect that much and was very happy to help. Worth asking IMO.

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