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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

i think women feeling like they ought to be doing the housework, is a major factor in bf difficulties

46 replies

robinredbreast · 30/01/2008 23:53

im never suprised by the amount of times ive heard people saying stuff about there bf experience like.
being told to put that baby on a bottle so i can give it,then you can get on with the housework

and it always seems to come from mums and mil, why is that ?

OP posts:

moondog · 30/01/2008 23:58

I think it is often an excuse. I don't meet many women who are that bothered about house work. Most are slatterns.It owuld be so more honest if people just said that they couldn't be arsed to breastfeed.

Oneo f my friends claimed she 'didn't have time'. Hmm,she had time for plenty of other stuff liek weekly Weigh Watcher meetings and weekends away.

Twinklemegan · 31/01/2008 00:01

I think it can be a factor actually. It wasn't a major factor for me (there were far bigger forces at work) but I did feel guilty spending so much time feeding when DH was doing all the chores. I don't know why really - it's pretty stupid to think that way considering how important it is to feed your baby.

FAQ · 31/01/2008 00:03

well if your DH is out at work during the time that your older children come home from school, need feeding, bathing and putting to bed you really don't have an option but to do some housework!

welliemum · 31/01/2008 00:05

I rmember thinking both times with a newborn, that there was a really horrible double bind going on:

house in a mess = "She's obviously not coping"
house tidy = "She's being obsessive and weird"

Not from DH I hasten to add, but the wider world.

Agree with your theory rrb. I think in other cultures, extended family moves in to take care of the household, which sounds like a good solution (well, as far as a houseful of inlaws can be termed a "good solution")

Twinklemegan · 31/01/2008 00:05

And of course that coincides with the classic evening cluster feeding time. It just goes to show how hard it is for women with no other support around them.

Original poster

robinredbreast · 31/01/2008 00:05

MD no im not saying people say they dont have time to bf , just that people around the mum should take over all household duties till bf is established

as many mums/woman do feel guilty[ wrongly] when theres lots of hwork to do

OP posts:

Original poster

robinredbreast · 31/01/2008 00:10

twinkle, i totally agree its crazy to worry about housework,considering how important it is to feed your baby

OP posts:

welliemum · 31/01/2008 00:11

Agree, Twinkle - there's no way I'd have managed to bf if DH hadn't been ready and willing to cook dinner night after night.

moondog · 31/01/2008 00:11

Oh I agree there RRB. Breastfeeding women have enoguh on their plate in the ealry days. I thnk a lot of people want to (probably unconsciously) sabotage that bond that a breastfeeding mother and her child have.It makes them jealous.

Also I always think when people beg new mothers to let them give the baby a bottle 'You sure as hell wont be around offering to do the smae in a couple of months!'

Original poster

robinredbreast · 31/01/2008 00:19

my mum kept telling me i should n
be doing more around the house when i was bf 24/7

OP posts:

FAQ · 31/01/2008 00:23

actually you know - I'm not sure this thread is a very good advert for bfing is it? I mean yes it is hard if you HAVE to do some housework and BF......but it is possible. Most of these posts are making it sound like it's impossible, so therefore if you know that you can't get away with not doing certain stuff/don't have anyone around to help then you're going to have problems BFing.

Twinklemegan · 31/01/2008 00:26

It just all depends on the attitudes of those around you I think. And whether you have a super quick feeder or a grazer. I for one don't know how single mums cope when they have more than one child and no one to help.

FAQ · 31/01/2008 00:29

I've had 2 grazers - DS1 I was lucky we were living with my parents so mum did everything. Fed him for 14 months.

DS3 was a grazer (and a sleeper at the tap one too) but I had to do the housework. Didn't feed him for so long (only 3 weeks exclusive)- but that was nothing to do with the housework.

moondog · 31/01/2008 00:30

I don't see that housework has to be an issue. Good god,people have washing machines and can live for a few days off sandwiches and cereal can't they?

I moved house alone with a new baby and a 3 year old, Not recommended but possible.

expatinscotland · 31/01/2008 00:32

i agree, robin.

but it makes me very anxious when my house is not in good shape.

it really does.

i've had bad PND both times round and a nightmare birth/bf experience with DD1.

with DD2, i managed 4 months, but she was a guzzler, not a grazer.

again, i had PND and we lived in very cramped conditions.

mess used to just give me panic attacks, so i'm glad i had a guzzler or i'd have never made it.

and there are some people who are on their own and have to go get other kids from school, make meals, baths, etc.

Twinklemegan · 31/01/2008 00:33

I totally agree it shouldn't be an issue Moondog. But don't you think that many people these days just don't want something inconvenient like nature to interfere with their normal way of life?

FAQ · 31/01/2008 00:33

MD - 5 days a week of surviving off sandwiches and cereal, plus 5 days without bathing to grubby children - nah - I'd rather battle on with the bf'ing and feeding them and keeping them clean

moondog · 31/01/2008 00:33

I can't baer an untidy house but accept that am weird.
How are you Expat?

expatinscotland · 31/01/2008 00:34

it'd be nice if there were folks around to help, but too often, there aren't.

moondog · 31/01/2008 00:34

Yes Twinkle,I think we have become very selfish as a race and have been led to believe that our own needs come before a tiny baby's even ,which is dreadful.

expatinscotland · 31/01/2008 00:34

i'm good, moony, but the weather's not!

moondog · 31/01/2008 00:35

Isn't a big snowfall due up there?

Twinklemegan · 31/01/2008 00:35

The weather's dreadful here as well Expat.

FAQ · 31/01/2008 00:35

oh don't say that about the weather - you'd better make sure it's nice when I'm up there in 2 weeks time!!!

expatinscotland · 31/01/2008 00:37

it's just blowing a bad gale.

we're already lost a bush and a tree in the last storm, so here's hoping this all blows over okay.

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