Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

i think women feeling like they ought to be doing the housework, is a major factor in bf difficulties

46 replies

robinredbreast · 30/01/2008 23:53

im never suprised by the amount of times ive heard people saying stuff about there bf experience like.
being told to put that baby on a bottle so i can give it,then you can get on with the housework

and it always seems to come from mums and mil, why is that ?

OP posts:

FAQ · 31/01/2008 00:38

you know what - the only time I've ever gone brown in the sun in the UK was a summer spent in edinburgh at the Festival LOL

SparklyGothKat · 31/01/2008 00:43

I suppose I am lucky because Dh is home with me (2 disabled kids) and he does the most housework while I fed Callum but because we keep on top of it, we can do the housework in an hour while Callum naps. DH was out today and I still managed to tidy up the breakfast stuff, do dishwasher, wipe sides, tidy living room and hoover downstairs after Callum's feed. It is possible you just have work inbetween feeds.

Twinklemegan · 31/01/2008 00:46

I think it's those early days that can be the problem when your head's messed up after the birth. I had a burst of energy about 3 days afterwards when I thought I could be superwoman. I tried to do too much and ended up collapsing into an exhausted, blubbering wreck for the next couple of weeks. Having someone rein me in and make me rest and just feed DS would have been quite helpful I think. But like I said, there's no way housework was a significant factor for me (just ask DH!)

SparklyGothKat · 31/01/2008 00:55

Yes I guess that in the early days it can be a problem, but Callum was in SCBU for 10 days, so I didn;t have that problem, just geting feeding sorted afterward was hard. My house was messy for a few weeks (men don;t do it right lol) but now he is in a rountine its easier.

cmotdibbler · 31/01/2008 08:52

Dh and I had an agreement when DS was born that DH would cook dinner and do nappy wash every night. I'd feed DS, put clothes wash on and do dishwasher. Rest of housework had to cope, but then no family around to visit and criticise (or help).
DS was in SCBU for 5 days, so we did miss that first bit, but DH was a bit frantic having to go and buy tiny baby clothes, nursing bras, hassle the shop about the car seat, pram etc, and sort out his work. Oh and drive 3 hours a day to see us.
I used to just put him in the sling and wander round hanging washing out etc whilst he was feeding.
I am a slattern though !

Bouncingturtle · 31/01/2008 08:59

I'm a slattern. Bfing is great for housework avoidance and watching episodes of the Simpsons and South Park, completely guilt free
First couple of weeks, dh was off work so he helped out, then i had my mum up so she helped.
I handle housework by breaking it up into small chunks which I fit around bfing. Plus my standards aren't particularly high, house is pretty clean but not ultra tidy.
DH helps out with things like the hoovering and ironing as well (not that there is a great deal).
So it is possible to breastfeed and still maintain a reasonably clean environment - assuming there is other health issues for you and/or the baby making it even harder.
However I'm lucky in that ds is my first, it must be so much harder when you have more than one, and that's when a good support network is so important. I don't have that - I have no family nearby so if we did have another baby it would have to wait until we could mover closer to dh's family.

FillyjonkisCALM · 31/01/2008 09:00

I really do agree with this

and its ME, mainly, though MIL does not help at ALL

I don't normally care that much about housework but go a bit weird for the weeks after I have had a baby (I think its an adjustment thing)

luckily dp is fabulous and does, bascially, do it all. he also takes instructions and, without complaint, does those emergency necessary cleaning jobs that I suddenly notice, like dusting on top of the picture frames, etc.

Also, I normally ask family to contribute towards the cost of a cleaner for a few weeks rather than buying more mountains of baby stuff. They are all bloody kind and always do it for longer than a few weeks

Sabire · 31/01/2008 09:17

Makes sense of what they used to do in the 'olden days' when if you didn't manage to establish breastfeeding your baby would either die or you'd have to find someone else to bf them: resources allowing, they'd make all mothers stay in bed for several weeks - basically you'd be forced to take it easy until you were 'churched' at 6 weeks, 'churching' being the symbol that you were ok to resume your normal household duties.

I wish we could do that now - ok not enforced bedrest, don't think that would be a good idea given the risk of dvt's, but definitely special treatment for the first 6 weeks, by which time bf would for most people be well and truly established.

explaination of churching here

LadyVictorianSqualor · 31/01/2008 09:30

I'm probably going to get hung for this, but I dont think housework takes that long or that much effort, even with a new born, what takes up all the time is changing babies clothes and washing a million babygros because your pfb cant possibly have a bit of sick on them

If you have things under control before baby is born it's not that hard, make sure there is always emergency food in the freezer, make up some homemade lasagnes and stews and pies and the like to have in the freezer for when you cant cook, make sure you stay on top of the washing (my DC's are 7 and 3 and can practically do the washing for me so that's pretty simple).

I think it's harder to have to wash and sterilise bottles tbh and a PITA.

morningglory · 31/01/2008 09:35

I'm one of those wierdos who feels really anxious if the house is not clean AND tidy. The first step in studying for an exam in Uni and med school for me was to tidy my flat/dorm room!

I have no family close by, and DH works terrible hours and travels quite a bit. I would never have been able to successfully breast feed DS1 if my mother hadn't come over for 8 weeks and I upped my cleaners hours. I would have been too anxious, tired, and neurotic.

I'm a bit worried about this time because my mum isn't coming until the baby is 4 weeks old, and DS1 is 4 and in nursery. I do have more household help, but that doesn't help me with the cooking and feeding of DS1 and DH (oh, and me). Looks like we all will get very familiar with all the local takeaway places!

Pruners · 31/01/2008 09:38

Message withdrawn

Original poster

robinredbreast · 31/01/2008 10:27

i think some may have taken this thread the wrong way

people saying things like,
"very selfish as a race and have been led to believe that our own needs come before a tiny baby's even ,which is dreadful"

well ive never met anyone that has stopped bf because they would rather clean!

the point i was trying to make is that new mums should not have to feel responisble for doing everything in the house, totally agree about the 6 week churching thing.
and the comment that a great ift would be gift vouchers for a cleaning firm insteads of 100's of clothes that you never get the chance to put your newborn in anyway

just trying to think of ways that, would help support women to bf, thats all !

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 31/01/2008 10:39

You're not the only 'weirdo', morningglory. I'm the same way.

And yes, 'housework', which can include the feeding/washing/bathing of other youngsters, does take a while if you have other children who are unable to do it for themselves.

A 7-year-old is far more capable than a 3-year-old of this.

Moony, I'm glad you had so much energy after giving birth, but for many women, that's not a reality.

I'd have taken a long walk off a short pier if I'd tried to accomplish all that on my own after giving birth to DD2.

Let's face it, if you don't have family or hired help about afterwards, if you have other children to care for afterwards and if your husband or partner has to go back to work, you're in for a hard slog for the most part.

expatinscotland · 31/01/2008 10:41

"very selfish as a race and have been led to believe that our own needs come before a tiny baby's even ,which is dreadful"

Yes, imagine that! Putting the needs of other children to be fed, bathed, have clean clothes to wear to school, get to school in some cases, etc. is dreadful indeed.

FAQ · 31/01/2008 10:46

what you mean the older children need looking after as well expat!!

Twinklemegan · 31/01/2008 12:30

If I had been a single mum or if DH hadn't been so supportive, then that would have been breastfeeding over with very quickly indeed. We had so many problems that having to run a household as well, or look after other children, would have tipped me over the edge.

MrsBadger · 31/01/2008 12:36

I must say I found it a slight strain that bfing in the early days had all the appearance of being relaxing time off (sofa, drink, book/tv/mn) when in fact it was just as important as things that looked more like work (washing up, hoovering).

IAteRoseMaryConleyForBreakfast · 31/01/2008 12:37

This is a really good point. It's not as simple as just 'leaving the mess' - to me, although I'm a complete slob, a messy house really has a negative impact on my mood. Being unable to keep my surroundings tidy was really really difficult.

My MW said she's always worried about mums when she goes in and sees the house is tidy. She may well have a point.

It all comes back to the disappearance of family support networks now we all live such insular lives, doesn't it?

FillyjonkisCALM · 31/01/2008 15:50

oh god yes to most of these, except whoever said that housework wasn't much work when you had a newborn (huh?)

I think we are all different in our tolerance of mess, but I also think its pretty common to become a bit obsessive about it postnatally. I have made dp promise to hoover the house from top to bottom and make sure the washing up is done as soon as I go into labour .

It is a source of stress for me for the house to be untidy.

Mainly because, with a newborn, it can feel utterly impossible to ever get it clean again.

Bouncingturtle · 31/01/2008 16:02

Let's face it, s'not long before everything gets covered in baby vomit

LVS - yes at first I was changing the PFB every time he had the tiniest bit of sick, now he has to be drenched before I bother

MrsB - Yep, something that is made clear to first timers is that bfing is very hard work!

claireybee · 31/01/2008 17:57

The worst part is that the early days of a newborn are exactly the time you have all kinds of people coming over and judging your ability to cope on the state of your house. When I had dd I used to tidy before the midwife/health visitor came round and also felt as though friends and family would think I wasn't coping if the house was a state.

I do find I need to distract myself with tv/mumsnet whilst breastfeeding ds, as otherwise I have a tendancy to sit there thinking "Aaaaaargh! The house is such a mess!". That means I sit there tense while I am feeding him and end up obsessing about it and resenting the time it takes to feed him. Thank god for mumsnet!

Also it is much easier to get housework done if you have a baby who is happy to be put down between feeds-I have to do all of mine with ds in the sling and dd attached to my leg which means it takes three times as long as it normally would

Flip

1 2