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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

How do you deal with the negative comments

34 replies

PebbleTTC · 14/01/2016 20:29

How do you deal with the negative comments about breastfeeding? Just left my mother who when I mentioned I will be breastfeeding my little fella until he reaches 12 months (currently 6 months old) and she went on about that I can't be feeding him in public when he is that old, that I have to think of others not myself etc

I left feeling miserable and so sad. I love breastfeeding and I don't handle criticism well (usually end up crying like I am now!)

I'm due back in work soon and I know people will make comments then too as I already had it before I started mat leave - that it's disgusting and gross etc

OP posts:
CultureSucksDownWords · 14/01/2016 20:37

Tell them to fuck off?! I don't think there's much you can say to people who hold such idiotic views. I'm sorry your mother is one of those people. Is she otherwise supportive and kind?

A specific response to her comment about thinking about other people is that you are thinking about other people, specifically your DS, and he's the only one that really matters.

As for people at work, you could try the "did you mean to be so rude?" if they make any comments. Or if they repeat the "disgusting/gross" comments you could reply with "so let's get this straight, you're calling me and my infant son disgusting and gross, yes? Do you realise how insulting that is?"

But to be honest, the best approach is probably to stonewall and shut down any comments. Just repeat a phrase like "I'm not going to discuss that" every time anyone tries to engage you in conversations on this topic. Then change the subject or move away. Sorry you have had to deal with such horrible people.

Original poster
PebbleTTC · 14/01/2016 20:49

Thanks Culture, ya she is a very good mother but still treats be like a little baby (I'm 31!). I just started saying it's natural etc but just got no where. I think your right about the work situation, will just have to say I don't wish to discuss it

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NickyEds · 14/01/2016 21:24

How do you deal with the negative comments about breastfeeding?

I don't really. I've only had a couple, a family member said they were glad we were mix feeding dd because she "needed something proper to eat" (same person has made several comments to that effect) . I've had my first "bittie" comment too (dd is 6 months ffs). I should probably challenge them but I just can't be arsed. Tbh I say nothing and just think a little bit less of them. Work colleagues should just mind their own business.

Sparrowlegs248 · 14/01/2016 22:08

I haven't really had any but then i don't suffer fools gladly so i expect people are keeping it to themselves (and saying it behind my back.....)

I had no idea what I would do about feeding. I always wanted to give bf a try but was quite scared it wouldn't work out. It has though and I am feeding ds who is almost 6 months. He won't take a bottle (I haven't tried that hard tbf ) but today mastered the sippee cup so i am pleased about that.

I have thought long and hard and decided i don't want to give him formula so will continue to feed til he is a year. I go back to work at 9 months and will feed morning, evening and night. I expect colleagues to be in shock at this - no one at work has bf beyond 6 weeks and I am seen as the hard non maternal one. They can go f**k themselves before they pass comment on my choices. :-)

Original poster
PebbleTTC · 14/01/2016 22:12

I wish I was able to express myself eloquently and say in a polite but firm way I don't wish to hear your opinion on the matter. I'm the only one in my office who had given birth vaginally! All have had c sections and believe it's barbaric to do otherwise! Maybe I should just find a better place to work!!

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KP86 · 14/01/2016 22:17

Good grief.

Tell them to fuck off/ignore/tell them when they are the mum they can decide.

Or bring the baby in and do it in front of them.

I was so lucky, took my DS into work a few times and fed him as needed. Probably gave a few blokes a shock (my BF boobs were FF cup!) but nobody said anything. Breastfeeding is a protected act, and maybe you could remind your mum and friends that as well!

How bloody rude. I do not understand people who consider breastfeeding disgusting and unnatural. Grrrr!

Rinceoir · 14/01/2016 22:20

I'm still breastfeeding my 20month old. I don't think any of my colleagues know, it just doesn't come up in conversation! My mother makes the comments about feeding at the school gates- I just ignore it.

HumphreyCobblers · 14/01/2016 22:23

If people ask if you are STILL breastfeeding you smile beatifically and say "YES! Isn't it GREAT! I never thought I would do this well!"

Shuts them up a treat IME.

Other wise just smile and nod, state "This is working for us right now" and don't engage with stupid comments.

Quodlibet · 14/01/2016 22:28

"We all make different choices, but I don't like commenting on other peoples and would rather people didn't comment on mine'

ghnocci · 14/01/2016 22:32

i just used to say like a broken record each time that the world health organisation recommends BFing until 2 years old.

The comments stopped around 13mo because I think people realised I was serious by that point!

PeppasNanna · 14/01/2016 22:37

I bf for a year. My mum wasn't too impressed but i never had a negative comment, not one!

KP86 · 14/01/2016 22:40

I honestly don't get how people aren't impressed by breastfeeding?? I know I'm preaching to the converted here, but the concept is so ridiculous to me!

I breastfed and expressed for just over 12 months and even donated my excess milk to other mums - more than 120L over that time. A few raised eyebrows at that, yet were happy to continue drinking their milky coffees and have cheese sandwiches for lunch. Hypocrites.

Junosmum · 15/01/2016 05:50

Pebble, your work sound awful! Though having just had a vaginal birth I agree it's barbaric, I won't be doing it that way again!

I haven't yet had any negative comments but I think my general demeanor reduces the risk of them. I'm fully prepared to tackle them full on though.

Footle · 15/01/2016 06:12

Why do they need to know ?

knaffedoff · 15/01/2016 06:13

A few raised eyebrows, which was quickly followed up with a death stare. Only my mum actually verbalised and asked when I was planning to stop, I informed her politely that I didn't expect him to be feeding as a teenager but I would extend feeding by 6months every time she asked, she never did though Grin

Fuzzyduck21 · 15/01/2016 06:20

I'm surprised you are faced with any negativity - people usually save that up for us ff mums! I exclusively ff, not out of choice, and would have loved to bf. You only get one chance at deciding how you feed that baby so do as you wish! If you want to carry on bfing until a year or more then go for it as you will only regret it if you get talked out of it and will resent your mother in the end. It's your baby after all!

I'm sure I will get flamed but I do admit I find it slightly strange when people bf school age toddlers but boobs are made for feeding if that's what the mother wants!

DustyOwl · 15/01/2016 08:03

Just smile and walk away (and remember all the times I could feed my ds' without faffing with bottles, which allowed us to go camping/festivals/long days out, as we are the most disorganised family ever!)

Pteranodon · 15/01/2016 08:25

What's a school aged toddler?

Pteranodon · 15/01/2016 08:26

WHO recommends until at least 2, not until 2, and for as long after that as both mother and child want to.

Fuzzyduck21 · 15/01/2016 10:52

I meant around 4 years old. It's only my personal opinion.

Baressentials · 15/01/2016 10:59

I have 4dc. 2 were bottle fed (dc1 and dc4) and 2 were breastfed (dc 2 & 3) till a few months after their 2nd birthday. I got criticised and pointed comments with both. Just smile, ignore, and say Fuck Off in your head. Nobody elses business.

Baressentials · 15/01/2016 11:02

Though when my dad made a comment about how weird it was that I was still breastfeeding my ds2 at 2yrs old I said not as weird as we all are (me included) for drinking milk from a cow that is intended for its calves and at least the milk my ds was having wasn't via some barbaric tortorous (sp) treatment that cows have to go through. by that point I was seriously pissed off with him judging me hence my response

loosechange · 15/01/2016 11:07

If you aren't confrontational and it's your mother/a friend who "means well" i would smile vaguely whilst thinking "Do shut up." A gentle "I am thinking of my son rather than myself" might work if you can be bothered.

I would probably draw the line at work colleagues saying BF is disgusting, you could always ask them what they think breasts were designed for. Or give them a hard stare and wander off disinterested.

Lots of people have an opinion about how to feed/parent your child, and half of these clearly think they know everything that ever was and everything that will ever be. Yawn.

If it makes you feel any better my mother (an ex midwife) went around telling people I "demand fed" DC1 in the tone of voice that would have fitted better with "she's feeding him strychnine." Apparently 5 week old DC1 one had me wrapped around his little finger. Must have been little Einstein - he could hardly focus, I am impressed his brain was so advanced he could be this machiavellian as a newborn.

Original poster
PebbleTTC · 15/01/2016 11:32

Thanks for all the replies. My problem is that the comments repeat in my head and I get upset then but I suppose I just need to remember I'm doing the best thing for my son nothing to do with anyone else

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Pteranodon · 15/01/2016 11:48

People will comment on all sorts of child-related stuff. You can choose to prioritise what you think is right for your child and your (immediate) family or you can try to please people who should matter less to you than your kid does.

Not meaning to sound harsh, I went through similar. Did you see that Helen Mirren quote about what she'd advise her younger self? To say 'fuck off' more.