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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

So...has anyone's baby self-weaned after 18mths or do I have to get tough???

45 replies

BonyM · 09/09/2006 21:17

DD2 is 18mths and I am still breastfeeding her early morning and before bed, plus she often asks for it during the day, although I try to disuade her from this and only give in if she's very upset or can't be distracted.

I feel tired a lot of the time and think the breastfeeding could be contributing to this so sort of want to stop even though I'd intitially decided that I would wait for dd to decide when she was ready.

My health visitor reckons that she is too old to self-wean now and that I will have to wean her by gradually cutting down.

Has anyone's dc weaned themselves after this age? I really don't want to upset her unnecessarily by "forcing" her to stop when she's not ready.

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 09/09/2006 21:23

Most children allowed to self wean do it aged between 2 and 4 IME, I don't think many children do it before then. I think tiredness is part of being a mother unfortunately. If you decide you want to stop then you might be interested in this book "How weaning happens" although I think it mostly advocates allowing the child to self-wean. It may be useful or interesting for you though, whatever you decide.

I would not bank on feeling less tired however - do you know many mothers of toddlers who are consistently perky and full of energy and enthusiasm?

Original poster
BonyM · 09/09/2006 21:27

Thanks Franny - I'll check out that book. I really want her to self-wean as I feel in my heart that's the right thing to do.

I guess you're right about the tiredness - don't remember feeling like this with dd1, but then there is 7 years between them and I turned 40 two weeks ago, so suppose it would be odd if I didn't feel tired!

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 09/09/2006 21:29

If I wait for ds to self-wean, he'll probably be 30!

pedilia · 09/09/2006 21:30

Ds2 weaned himself off at 18 months, just lost interest

WigWamBam · 09/09/2006 21:30

My dd self-weaned shortly before she was 2. We were down to just the two feeds a day and had been for some time, she dropped the evening feed herself at about 21 months, and a couple of months later she refused completely.

I agree with Franny; stopping breast-feeding may not stop the tiredness - that kind of goes with the territory!

FillyjonktheBananaEater · 09/09/2006 21:33

ds self-weaned at 14 months, no probs at all.

Had to get pg with dd to achieve this, however. Not really a step I'd recommend.

I do know exactly where you are coming from. I have massive admiration for those who bf to however old, but I have spent a good portion of today bf dd (she is in that sort of mood), and I am deeply, deeply, fed up.

And then, because there was no frigging milk left, I couldn't feed her to sleep and she screamed the place down.

Hmmm. Am not being much help. Sorry.

FrannyandZooey · 09/09/2006 21:40

But Filly, breastfeeding an 18 m o is a completely different prospect to breastfeeding a 3 year old. As ds got older, I found it less and less time consuming but still a very useful, no hassle tool at my disposal. And of course the nutrition side for fussy awkward toddlers is not to be discounted, PLUS all the lovely hormones you are getting from it. People tend to forget breastfeeding has positive psychological effects for the mother as well as the child - it helps us to relax and helps us to feel maternal and nurturing from all the oxytocin.

Original poster
BonyM · 09/09/2006 21:44

I am being persuaded to stick at it (am ignoring you Filly - nothing personal!). Do find it somewhat annoying though, when she wakes at 5.30am, we bring her into bed and she just wants to feed and feed on and off instead of going back to sleep (and letting me back go back to sleep)!

OP posts:
FillyjonktheBananaEater · 09/09/2006 21:45

no, i'm sure it does, am not trying to put anyone off. I think it is a marvellous, fantasical thing. But I have been doing all day (witness my many, many posts) and I AM shattered. And sore. And pissed off. And this has been going on now for days.

This is really really the wrong thread for this rant, sorry. Am going to bed. x

FillyjonktheBananaEater · 09/09/2006 21:46

And I WILL stick at it. Was more saying that I know where you're coming from, BonyM.

It is a Good Thing. But at times it sucks, like many other good things. It is still a Good Thing and worth doing.

FrannyandZooey · 09/09/2006 21:47

I am sorry Filly, that was crap of me, I wasn't meaning to negate your problems Sounds rough and I remember it well.

shall we start a thread for you so we can come and virtually minister to your poor sore nipples?

FillyjonktheBananaEater · 10/09/2006 19:30

ack no, franny, no, what you said was spot on, i didn't want to put bonym or anyone off, I was just having a whinge on someone else's thread really...it had been a shite day from the planet shite (dd cried herself to sleep, ffs, it does not get much worse than that). ...but I should start my own threads to whinge on...I just hate the growth spurts soooo much! and I need to know that it gets better. When i say ds weaned at 14 months...that wasn't what I wanted, and I don't want to repeat that with dd, so to hear the tales of you and h "god" c about the joys of bf older kids is fabulastic and inspiring and etc.

now i must go and eat the rest of ds's wholemeal banana, raisin and apricot birthday cake, left by all those ungrateful, fruit shoot lovin' friends of his.

USAUKMum · 10/09/2006 19:59

23 mths and 20 mths Just give it some time

harpsichordcarrier · 10/09/2006 20:02

hmmmm
I would doubt whether the bf is making you tired just twice a day tbh. on the upside you are still getting lots of lovely happy hormones too.
your hv is talking utter crap, of course. lots of toddlers self wean after 18 months. my dd1 has just self weaned although you might not want to hear that because she is 3.5...
it was a gradual and lovely process and I wouldn't have had it any other way

harpsichordcarrier · 10/09/2006 20:05

oh just to second what franny says - a toddler bf after (say) 18 months is a very different proposition because you can set limits and say no if you don't want to and distract and explain, etc.
I keep meaning to start a thread about how flipping marvellous self weaning is, actually.

hollyhobbie · 10/09/2006 20:53

Hi BonyM, I BFed my DD until she was 16months. I then got pregnant and waited for her to self wean because of that, but she didn't and while I know it's possible to tandem feed (is that what it's called?), the thought of BFing both a baby and a toddler was just too exhausting...
DD was only fed twice a day- before nap and before bed at night. I started by giving her a cup of milk before her nap, and after that had worked for a week, I then did the same for the nighttime feed.
TBH, I built it up in my head to be such a big problem, but DD was and is totally happy with her cup of milk and has not indicated that she would like any BFing since.
I too would have liked her to self wean and I'm not saying you should stop but just that it is possible to 'gently' stop and, in my case at least, it was more of a problem in my head than it was for DD.
Good luck!

Eeek · 10/09/2006 21:05

my ds self-weaned at 18 months. He just caught a cold and couldn't be bothered any more. Even though it was what I wanted I still felt really rejected.

Pidge · 10/09/2006 21:12

boneym - have only had time to skim read this, but my dd1 self-weaned at just below 2. Admittedly I was then pregnant with dd2, but she was becoming less interested anyway. She was down to one feed a day by then, and one day just wanted to play with her toys in the morning rather than climb into bed with me!

I'm feeding dd2 twice a day, plus occasionally in the afternoon and of course she's the same age as your dd. I'm kind of happy doing this until she self-weans or I get fed up. I am sometimes knackered, but then she likes to get up at 5.30am, plus I'm running a half marathon in 2 weeks, so I don't get a lot of chilling out time!

Original poster
BonyM · 10/09/2006 21:14

hollyobbie - that sounds as though it worked well. Trouble is, dd won't drink cows milk, although tbh I don't drink it myself, so can't say I blame her. Part of me doesn't really want her to either as I sort of think that too much is probably not terribly good for her (irrational maybe?).

Harpsi - thought you might pop up here and thanks for your comments. I'm about 90% certain that I will continue, but at the moment, the thought of still feeding her at 3.5 just makes want to . Most of the time I love it, but sometimes (when I'm tired or when she asks for it at inappropriate times) it just feels like hard work.

I guess if I knew that she would stop of her own accord at about 2, then I would have no qualms about continuing, but the thought that she might get to school age and still not want to give up worries me a bit. Not that I have any problem with anyone else breastfeeding a school-age child, I just don't think that I would want to.

OP posts:
Original poster
BonyM · 10/09/2006 21:17

Oh, Pidge, didn't realise she was still waking so early . We had several weeks of waking at that time and it was exhausting. Even the current 6.30am is a bit early for me!

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 10/09/2006 21:21

I think that our children asking for any sort of attention when we are tired or at inappropriate times is hard work, really

At least breastfeeding does not require much mental or physical effort (but I do know what you mean, honestly)

If your dd gets to (for instance) 3.5 without self-weaning, and you wanted to stop, it would be a whole lot easier than trying to do it now, IMO. You could explain, negotiate and set boundaries. Very hard to do with an 18 m o. I also personally feel unsure about breastfeeding indefinitely and am slowly (very slowly) weaning ds.

NotQuiteCockney · 10/09/2006 21:24

My DS2 is currently showing signs of self-weaning. Well, he temporarily refused boob today in the bath, which was a first for him. I don't think he's ever refused boob since I stopped doing bf on demand (I now bf: in my bed, on airplanes, and in the bath.)

You don't have to wait for her to self-wean, but your HV is talking bollocks.

Original poster
BonyM · 10/09/2006 21:24

Good point Franny. (Actually, three good points .)

OP posts:
Original poster
BonyM · 10/09/2006 21:25

Hmmm, what is it about HVs? Are there any that don't talk bollocks? . How old is your ds NQC?

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 10/09/2006 21:26

God breastfeeding in the bath makes me cringe

it's so fleshy