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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

"extended" breastfeeders - why did you decide to stop when you did?

42 replies

Nettee · 03/05/2006 17:41

DS is 14 months so I can't really count myself as "extended" but I think that - sadly - the time has come to stop. Main reason being pressure from DH and not wanting DS to pull up my top and ask for "boobies" in public. I don't feel these are very good reasons but I don't think that any better ones will come along and I have to stop one day. I just wondered why other mums chose to stop when they did, when they had been feeding successfully for months or years

OP posts:
WigWamBam · 03/05/2006 17:45

I stopped because my dd didn't want to do it any more - she was 2 and just started saying no, she wanted a drink in a cup. She had never asked for feeds in public though, so I didn't have that hurdle to get across, and if dh had dared to try and pressurise me into giving up before dd and I were ready he would have been given very short shrift!

agalch · 03/05/2006 17:51

Hi Nettee
What is your doing to pressure you into giving up? I am still feeding dd(21 months) and fed ds2 till he was 2.5yrs.My dp really supports my decision to bf as long as i and the kids want to.Your ds will not pull up your top in public forever.If you really want to stop for yourself then its the right decision but doing it cos your dh wants you to may not be right for you or your son.

FrannyandZooey · 03/05/2006 17:54

Haven't stopped yet. I assume I will continue until ds wants to stop

(please god let him want to stop before he is 9)

Original poster
Nettee · 03/05/2006 17:56

I am sure I should give dh short shrift but I suppose I feel ds is his ds too. He was very supportive of the bf for the first year but just feels that enough is enough. He hasn't got any good reasons for me stopping either "ds is a big independent boy now, he doesn't need it anymore". I expect he is a bit embarrassed as it isn't the cultural norm.

OP posts:
bundle · 03/05/2006 17:57

have been negotiating this with dd2 (she drives a hard bargain Smile) and agreed: would stop when she was 3 (a couple of weeks ago).

day before yesterday she came into bed with me in the morning: I want some milk in your tummy!
she tried - and there was none there Shock so that's that I suppose! Smile (seriously though she'd only had about 2 feeds in the last couple of weeks, so it's hardly a great shock for either of us)

WigWamBam · 03/05/2006 17:58

Yes, ds is his ds too. Isn't that all the more reason for him to want to support you in giving your son the best start he can, and being happy for you to feed until his son has had enough? Why would the fact that he's his son affect how he is fed?

WigWamBam · 03/05/2006 18:00

Sorry, that sounds a bit aggressive and I didn't intend it to. I'm just curious really as to why it would make the difference to your dh, that's all.

Laura032004 · 03/05/2006 18:19

I stopped feeding ds at 22m because I was 22w pg, and it had started to get quite sore.

I had cut down to just once a day by that point. I stopped demand feeding at around a year (although the demands were in a routine by then), and cut down to three times per day. We were down to two feeds by 18m, and then down to one shortly afterwards.

There is no need for them to feed in public if you are not comfortable with that, but even a few feeds per day have lots of health benefits even at 14m.

Filyjonk · 03/05/2006 18:26

i stopped because pg with dd and it bloody hurt!

can you teach your ds not to pull at your top? And teach him another word, something more discrete?

Your ds is still really little. No offence at all, but I think you have to do what you see as being all round in your ds's best interests and tbh. I know its hard though.

Original poster
Nettee · 03/05/2006 18:27

It is difficult to put a finger on why dh feels so strongly - I don't bf in public any more and really am down to only 1 to 2 feeds per day. The whole pulling up my top issue is only a potential problem and it may never happen. I do feel that I should take into account dh's feelings though as we are parenting as a team and just getting cross with him and disregarding his opinion is not very team like.

I think that dh would just feel more "normal" if I stopped altogether.

OP posts:
HunKeRMunKeR · 03/05/2006 18:32

I asked DH how he felt about me letting DS1 decide when to stop bfeeding and he said it was up to me - DS1 stopped by himself when I was pg with DS2, so it wasn't really an issue (he was nearly 17mo).

I'll feed DS2 until he's ready to stop too - he might self-wean at a similar time, he might want to continue for longer - but as far as I'm concerned it's between DS2 and me unless it impacts dramatically on family life.

By that I mean that him feeding morning and night and the occasional comfort feed during the day is no big deal - constant top-pulling and I'd be peed off with it, let alone DH being!

I would say that bfeeding a toddler is a marvellous thing to do - it's comforting, nourishing and if they're ill, it's often the only "food" they'll accept.

Hausfrau · 03/05/2006 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WigWamBam · 03/05/2006 18:35

If you're down to a couple of feeds a day, and they're at particular times, the chances are that your son won't ever demand to be fed in public, or pull your top up.

With regard to parenting as a team, I felt that dh and I parented as a team too, but that dd and I fed as a team. That being the case, although I would have listened to dh's concerns, I would have considered that my and dd's feelings about it were the more important ones.

Have you spoken to your dh and told him how you feel about feeding, and how his pressurising makes you feel?

Adorabelle · 03/05/2006 18:54

My dd is 2 in June &still loving her "num-nums"
& i'm still v.happy to be feeding her. If indoors
for the day she'll feed pretty often, but if out & about she's so interested in whats going on around her she generally doesn't ask for it. If
she does ask for num-nums & we are out, she gets
it. Never refuse her, wherever we are. You need
to stop feeding when YOU are ready, & when you
feel your baby is ready.

kiskidee · 03/05/2006 18:59

maybe print of this \link{http://www.bflrc.com/newman/handouts/0501-HO21-Breastfeed_a_Toddler.htm\page}for him?

Peachyclair · 03/05/2006 19:06

By 15 months I was in college, and he was settled with a childminder. It just seemed natural to move on at that point, however he was happy to do so- had Harold minded I would have fed again. We were just in the right place for both of us, I guess.

Adorabelle · 03/05/2006 19:07

Before I had my dd I thought it was quite "wierd" to bf a baby when they began to get "Big". But when my dd got to 12months I knew
that I couldn't stop feeding her, we both enjoyed
it so much, Why stop? My dh is SO supportive, he
thinks the feeding should stop when dd ready to
stop, but even if he didn't feel that way i'd still feed her till dd &I were ready to give up.

Adorabelle · 03/05/2006 19:09

But I like things my own way & if he told me to stop i'd probably continue just to annoy him!!

mcmudda · 03/05/2006 19:18

Ds self weaned at 17 months when he pushed me away and asked for a cup of milk. I was sad in an end-of-an-era type way but quite happy to give up because I went out and bought loads of nice underwear Smile

As far as I understand the World Health Organisation recommend breastmilk to be in the diet up to the age of 2. You ds will still be benefiting from your antibodies and you'll still be reducing your likelihood of developing breast cancer and ovarian cancer (is this right wiser MNers?).

If your ds hasn't pulled up your top by now I don't expect he will ever. If he's only having 1/2 feeds then it's not really demand anymore so you could call the shots and just feed first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Then you wouldn't need a nursing bra during the day Grin

mcmudda · 03/05/2006 19:20

That's a great article kiskidee Smile

FrannyandZooey · 03/05/2006 19:23

\link{http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html\A fact sheet} to print off and leave lying around, perhaps? :)

mumfor1standfinaltime · 03/05/2006 19:29

mcmudda - My Mum breast fed all 3 of us and still contracted breast Cancer.

blueshoes · 03/05/2006 19:59

Stopped bf-ing dd at 17 months because she went on nursing strike due to my freaking out at her waking up 3x an hour at night to feed. Stopped cold turkey and almost immediately dd started sleeping through!

Adorabelle · 03/05/2006 20:21

My dd did't sleep through 1 night till she was
19months,always co-slept &fed thru night. Then
totally independantly,no sleep training involved,
began to sleep in her own cot in her own room. Had always began night in own cot but 2 hours in got in bed with us. Think if you let a baby find
thier own comfort zone @ night they'll sleep thru, Eventually! Took me & dh 19months to get dd
in own room, but she's all the happier for doing
it herself.

Adorabelle · 03/05/2006 20:25

We stil have an extra body in our bed some nights but as it's not every night we
both secretely enjoy having her near to us both again