"extended" breastfeeders - why did you decide to stop when you did?

[Nettee]

DS is 14 months so I can't really count myself as "extended" but I think that - sadly - the time has come to stop. Main reason being pressure from DH and not wanting DS to pull up my top and ask for "boobies" in public. I don't feel these are very good reasons but I don't think that any better ones will come along and I have to stop one day. I just wondered why other mums chose to stop when they did, when they had been feeding successfully for months or years

Mine have stopped variously at 2ish and 3ish. It petered out gradually. I've never had to say 'no'.

You could stop the feeding in public if it makes you uncomfortable, but if I were you I'd be pissed off with your dh making unsupportive comments when you're doing the best thing possible for his offspring!

I'm still feeding my 15 month old and if his three siblings are anything to go by I'll be doing it for at least a year yet. I've never had any qualms about doing it wherever and in front of whoever I choose. I've also rarely encountered any bad attitude from other people.

My babies have all stopped night feeding at around 12 - 18 months, sometimes with a little encouragement from me (dh calms them in the nigth and they soon decide it's not worth the bother waking up if there's no milk to be had.) My 15 month old has just started sleeping through every night.

adorabelle - you have made my day by sharing your spontaneous sleeping through tale

ds2 is 14 months and does the top pulling in public occasionally.
when I am not around (I work 2 days a weeK) he isnt bothered and will have a morning and evening feed (and through the night). He feeds more on my day off.
Don't feed in publicc much these days (though I do feed around family and friends) as he takes great delight in exposing everything and doing great big raspberry blurts on my boobs!!!

DH has started aksking when will I feed til only recently. he has been really supportive but is startign to wonder.
I told him ;when we are ready'

You should take into account your DH's feelings, yes, but on the one hand there is a lot of evidence about how good extended breastfeeding is for your DS both physically and emotionally, plus the fact that you yourself would like to carry on and on the other hand there is a feeling of vague embarassment from your DH about its not being the cultural norm. You don't need to "disregard" his opinion, but I don't think you need to just go along with it either. Plus it sounds from the way you've phrased your posts as though he wants to disregard both your opinion and the scientific evidence.

Still feeding DS twice a day at 15.5 months with no plans to stop until he self-weans (would probably feed more often but work full time and was never a successful pumper).

Does your baby not sleep thru either popsy? Most
of my friends were horrified that we we were letting our LO sleep in with us,& not trying to
"Sleep Train" her. Before dd came along thought i'd be quite happy to do the whole controlled crying thing,then when she arrived I realised
that having her near to me whenever she needed to
be was going to be best for her,even if that meant having her sleep in our bed all night.
My baby needed to be with me constantly for 19
months,she's nearly 2 now & far more out going & independant than any of my friends children who
were sleep trained & left to Cry It Out.

he is 14 months now and more than three hours sleep in a row is a long forgotten dream

and i have just revealed my identity on antoerh thread duh!!!
:)

Ds is 13mths and there is no way we could give up bf yet, even if dp wanted us to. How else would I get ds to sleep?! Nettee what do you want to do? How do you think your ds would be if you stopped? I think you need to put the answers to these questions above your dh's feelings on the subject. Sorry.

Adorabelle you are inspirational

Mumf1stAFT - Breakthrough breast cancer have a PDF article about the research into longterm breastfeeding and the risks of breast cancer.

Like I said, longterm breastfeeding can only reduce the risks, not eliminate them. I imagine that because it can be hereditary in some cases it's inevitable. My cousin contracted breast cancer when she was 34 and she breastfed her 2 children. She's in remission now.

This is what Breakthrough say:

"The research studies show that the risk of breast cancer is slightly
lower among women who have breastfed their babies for a year or
more in total. You might feel, therefore, that if or when you have
children, this is an important factor in deciding about breastfeeding."

my ds is 20 months and breastfeeds a lot, he just loves it. he's had an shitty cold and ear infection and hasn't really eaten for a couple of days so has fed shedloads. just pleased can help him, especially when he's feeling rough.

dh happy if we're happy (though has evicted ds from our bed unless he's poorly or upset)

I would like him to self-wean some time this year though....don't think that's terribly likely but live in hope

With dd1 I wanted to become preg a wasn't with bf on demand. She actually stopped herself when one morning she didn't want to bf & that was it at around 19/20 months - With dd2 & dd3 I was preg & was worried about miscarriage. I gace them choclotae milk - as they were 20/22 months & they loved it!!

Bless you for your comment Tatties
Just believe you need to sound out your own
baby. Maybe leaving a baby to cry it out works
for some. But it's not rocket science to realise
that if you tend to your babies needs, comfort them when they cry, be near to them when they want you near be it sleeping by them or just holding them, then you're gonna have a happy &content baby. I advocate the "attached" William Sears style of parenting over the Gina Ford way
every time.

Thanks for all your comments. I would be sad to stop but on the other hand I know that I want to stop at somepoint soonish and I would feel sad about it whenever. As you say it is only healthy for ds and for me to continue so I will talk to dh again and maybe go with the flow for a bit longer.

Ds never lifted my top and asked for boobies until he was around 14 months old so he might start to do it. However the thing about babies this age is I've noticed a lot of them even if not breastfed seem to like to touch/feel their mum's (and sometimes other women's ) boobs. It is a comfort thing. If you don't want to feed while out then don't but you can keep doing it at home if you want - your ds will get used to it.

Dh has always been very supposrtive but does make the odd comment that when ds starts to speak and ask for 'num num' he will feel odd about it and maybe I should wean him by then. To be fair, the poor man is confused, I hated bfeeding with a passion for the first 6 months and still at 17months find it pretty painful so I think he is at a loss as to why I still do it.

Mind you it can ver incredibly useful - yesterday I was doing some work while ds was sleeping and called my boss to talk about it. Ds woke screaming while I was on the phone (typical timing) and in his usual post-nap screaming fit was pretty inconsolable with the usual stuff. So I got him out of the cot but rather than offering to call my boss back - I bent over while on the phone and offered the 'num num' - peace decended.

The only problem was at the end of the call was my boss asked 'well he's very quiet now - what dd you do? - I suppose I should have told him but I just said 'oh milk usually does the trick'.

Adorabelle it's just so refreshing to hear someone with your point of view. I have decided to take the same approach with ds - also never slept through, always feeds at night and we co-sleep at least half the night. We are all happy with this but boy do I get some funny looks when people who assume he falls asleep by himself, sleeps through etc... find out that he doesn't do any of those things...

Nettee, yes you will have to stop one day and you probably will feel sad about it, but won't you feel better if you have done it as long as you and ds want to? I know I'd be kicking myself later on if I gave up just because someone else told me I should. You do what feels right to you

dd is 21 months and shouts for everyone to hear in the middle of tescos 'BOOOBIES NOW!!!!' whilst whipping my top up!i do want to stop,and have decided to try to wean her off slowly.hv said to just stop completely,but i thought that was abit harsh.had to put kamilosan on the other day,and dd said 'boobies yak' and headed for a bottle of milk!so am going to try to cut down on her day feeds by applying kamilosan!!crafty eh?!

lazycow - I know exactly what you mean about bf being useful in situations like you describe - or even when trying to watch tv (dare I admit). Also great for morning feeds before I have really woken up and don't want to go anywhere to sort out bottles. Would definately miss having that option available....

Tatties you are quite right that the decision should come from me or I will feel resentful towards dh - but I how does anyone decide when is the right time unless their dc self weans? I think I would always feel guilty and sad about stopping. Goodness - 14 months is pretty good going if I say so myself.